KAJILLIONAIRE*CUT TO THE CHASE*
NOTE: This spoiler was submitted by Jeremy
The film starts in California where the Dyne family – parents Robert (Richard Jenkins) and Theresa (Debra Winger), plus daughter Old Dolio (Evan Rachel Wood) – stands outside a post office until the right time to initiate their heist. Old Dolio sneaks inside and opens a safety deposit box to grab a large envelope from the next box over. She returns it to her parents, but they are annoyed to find only money orders and no cash. Suddenly, the ground begins to shake.
Robert and Theresa set up another scam where they have Old Dolio dress as a Catholic schoolgirl to return a missing watch to a wealthy couple, Althea and Victor Young (Patricia Belcher and Kim Estes). Despite her parents telling her not to be obvious about getting a reward, Old Dolio comes back with a gift certificate for a pricey restaurant called Melisse, where the couple’s daughter Jenny (Da’Vine Joy Randolph) works. Robert and Theresa have Old Dolio find Jenny to try and get a cash refund. Jenny, who also works as a masseuse, refuses to give cash for the certificate, but she does offer Old Dolio a massage. She accepts, and when Jenny touches her, Old Dolio reacts with surprise. Robert and Theresa end up going to get her.
The Dynes live in a space next to a bubble factory, which always produces foam that seeps through the walls that the Dynes have to scoop up. They frequently avoid their emotional landlord Stovik (Mark Ivanir) because they are always behind on rent. A pregnant neighbor, Kelli (Rachel Redleaf), then offers to pay them $20 if Old Dolio will attend a class in her place. They agree and have her go, where Old Dolio learns about “positive parenting” and how when an infant crawls to the mother’s breast, it creates a stronger bond. The thought sticks with Old Dolio.
That night, Old Dolio shows Theresa a getaway trip they won (but can’t use) to send two of them on a trip to New York City. Old Dolio suggests they take it as a mother-daughter getaway, but Theresa is clearly not into that idea.
The next day, Stovik tells the Dynes that if they do not come up with over $1500 in the next two weeks, he will evict them. They attempt another post office heist until Old Dolio sees that they installed a new camera. She then devises a scheme where they will claim lost luggage at an airport after making a round trip to New York, and then get reimbursed for the luggage for up to $1575.
The Dynes go ahead with the scheme. On the plane to New York, they experience turbulence, and Old Dolio tries to calm herself by telling Robert the facts she learned at the parenting class, but he shuts her up. She then asks if she did the breast crawl or if she was placed on a cot, to which Theresa states that it was probably the cot. They spend a little bit of time in New York, where Old Dolio just watches the skyline from afar. They make their return trip as strangers, with Old Dolio sitting apart from her parents. Robert and Theresa are seated next to a young woman, Melanie (Gina Rodriguez). She chats them up and shares drinks with them, and then hears as their watches and Old Dolio’s go off at the same time, which is to let them know when the bubbles from next door are going to start leaking. After the flight, Melanie joins Robert and Theresa as Old Dolio goes to make the lost luggage claim.
Old Dolio finds her parents with Melanie at a bar, where she tells Melanie who she is. After Old Dolio expresses disdain at Melanie’s presence, Melanie goes outside to the bathroom. She gets a call from her mother, who starts to chat with her over a video call, but Melanie appears to not be interested in hearing from her. She returns to the Dynes to tell them about a heist they can do after she learned that Robert and Theresa were in on a heist. Melanie suggests that, since she works for a company that sells eyeglasses to the elderly and hard-of-seeing, she can help them secure antiques that they may give as gifts, and then sell them for more than what they are worth.
Melanie brings the Dynes to the home of a client from her job, with them pretending to be a British family that adopted her. They take some of her antiques and get a meager profit for them. After Robert and Theresa go ahead with their own scheme instead of continuing Melanie’s, she attempts to leave until Old Dolio grabs her and accidentally peels off one of her stick-on nails. Old Dolio starts to remove the rest of them, which Melanie doesn’t seem to be bothered by. They then go to a hot tub store and buy one with a down payment, which they then plan to use to get a refund.
Melanie leads the trio to a new mark, a lonely old man named Abe (Michael Twaine) who is on his deathbed. He personally asked for his eyeglasses delivered since he heard Melanie was with her family. Abe is alone in his room, simply asking that the group create an ambience to make it seem like there is really a family there. All the while, the four are looking for Abe’s checkbook. Old Dolio goes into Abe’s room to see if he’s sleeping, but when he sees Old Dolio, he confides in her that he just wants to die. Melanie sits to play the piano per Abe’s request and converse with Theresa like she was really her mother. Old Dolio goes back into Abe’s room to ease him into his final moments. After he’s gone, the others find themselves too mortified to continue. Melanie starts crying, and Old Dolio is upset to see Robert and Theresa consoling her.
Old Dolio goes back home to find the check for the luggage having been mailed already. She then goes to another parenting class where she pretends to have her own daughter named Old Dolio. It is revealed that she was named that after a homeless man that Robert and Theresa knew who won the lottery, and they named her after him in the hopes that he would leave them money in his will, but he used all of his earnings on experimental cancer treatment. When the class speaker touches Old Dolio, she starts to have another emotional reaction until another earthquake happens.
Robert and Theresa attempt to get Melanie to take a bath with them in the hot tub, but she is clearly put off by this. Just as Old Dolio comes back, she sees Melanie leaving after getting uncomfortable. When Theresa calls Melanie “hon”, Old Dolio calls Theresa out for never calling her that. She offers to give her the whole check if she can just say “hon”, but Theresa refuses and tells her all the things she never did for her, like say “honey”, “sweetheart”, or “baby”, or dance or make pancakes with her. Melanie then decides to take Old Dolio with her to get payment for doing all those things.
The ladies cash the check and go back to Melanie’s apartment. Melanie makes a list of all the things Theresa said she wouldn’t do with Old Dolio, so she can pay Melanie after it is all done. She calls Old Dolio all the endearing terms she wants, then goes to buy pancake mix to make breakfast with her. They then dance together, even though Old Dolio doesn’t seem to know how. The last thing she wants to do before paying Melanie is a breast crawl. They go to a dark place to do it, but another earthquake happens. With all the darkness surrounding them, Old Dolio thinks she has died, even as Melanie tries to comfort her. Old Dolio starts to insult Melanie in anger over the attention she received up until the shaking stops and they go outside to see that they are fine. Old Dolio gets excited but Melanie is upset over what she told her. Old Dolio begs for forgiveness, even going as far as to literally crawl to Melanie, who relents and forgives her.
Robert and Theresa go to Melanie’s apartment to try and get Old Dolio back. They invite the two to Melisse as an apology and pretend like it’s Old Dolio’s birthday. Robert gives a supposedly emotional speech to her about how they never treated her like a child because they didn’t think it was right, and they want her back. They go back to Melanie’s home to give Old Dolio a bunch of toys to make up for all the gifts they never gave her. Melanie knows they’re both full of crap, but Old Dolio takes it as a sincere gesture.
Melanie is proven correct when the ladies wake up the next morning to find that Robert and Theresa somehow managed to rob them blind overnight, taking all of Melanie’s belongings and even the cash, leaving them with nothing but the toys. The ladies go to Toys R Us to get a refund, which ultimately amounts to $525, which would have been Old Dolio’s three way split from the check. Old Dolio and Melanie get closer until they start to kiss.
Old Dolio Dyne is a young woman who takes part in the schemes of her petty criminal parents Robert and Theresa, who treat her as more of an accomplice than their daughter. With the threat of eviction hanging over their heads, Old Dolio helps them come up with a scheme to claim lost luggage and get a reimbursement check.
During their scheme, the family meets another woman named Melanie, who is fascinated by their schemes and wants in on it by helping them scam old people. However, Old Dolio, who has always been starved for affection, starts to get upset when Robert and Theresa appear to show Melanie more love than they ever did for her. Melanie sees that Robert and Theresa are awful people and takes Old Dolio to do things that Theresa never did as a mother. Even after Old Dolio insults Melanie, the two remain close.
Robert and Theresa make a phony attempt to reconcile with Old Dolio by giving her a bunch of toys to make up for past birthdays. They end up robbing the two women overnight, taking all of Melanie's belongings and the money from the check. The ladies get a large refund for the toys and begin a romantic relationship.