THE PHOENICIAN SCHEME

*CUT TO THE CHASE*

NOTE: This spoiler was submitted by Jeremy

1950 – Somewhere above the High Balkan Flatlands, arms dealer Anatole Zsa-Zsa Korda (Benicio Del Toro) is onboard his private plane, when his assistant is suddenly blown up by a bomb. A hole opens in the plane, sending it down. After an argument with the pilot (Stephen Park), Zsa-Zsa ejects the man and takes the plane down into a cornfield. Although presumed dead at first, Zsa-Zsa is quickly shown to be alive in front of a news crew. In his brief moment of unconsciousness, Zsa-Zsa finds himself in the afterlife being judged by a group of individuals.

A secret organization, led by a man called Excalibur (Rupert Friend), reports on Zsa-Zsa’s shady business deals. He is nicknamed “Mr. Five Percent” due to his practices and is also on the hook for such crimes as tax evasion, profiteering, price fixing, and bribery. This has also made Zsa-Zsa the target of various governments around the globe, leading to multiple failed assassination attempts. The organization’s goal is to bring down Zsa-Zsa’s enterprise once and for all.

Zsa-Zsa returns home to meet with his estranged daughter, a nun named Liesl (Mia Threapleton). He also has nine other sons that he barely sees. Zsa-Zsa asks Liesl to help take over his business as he starts to gather his plans for “The Phoenician Scheme”, his plot to take over other businesses in Phoenicia by using slave labor, all of which are documented and kept in little shoeboxes. Liesl is apprehensive to work alongside her father, due to his longstanding absence, him leaving her at the convent at the age of 5, and the rumors that Zsa-Zsa murdered her mother, which he denies. They are also joined by Bjorn (Michael Cera), a Norwegian tutor who is Zsa-Zsa’s new administrative assistant. Zsa-Zsa makes Bjorn go through a polygraph test, which he passes.

Liesl reluctantly joins Zsa-Zsa as they begin to put the plans into motion. Bjorn helps Liesl take care of her brothers, while Zsa-Zsa suggests that his brother, Nubar (Benedict Cumberbatch), is the true culprit behind the murder of Liesl’s mother. While writing to the Mother Superior about her experiences, Liesl notes that God is absent from Zsa-Zsa’s life. Meanwhile, Excalibur makes it so that the price of Zsa-Zsa’s materials, specifically bashable rivets, goes up significantly. This forces Zsa-Zsa to move up his plans.

Shoebox #1 – Prince Farouk and the Sacramento Consortium
The organization knows that Zsa-Zsa is going to meet with other conspirators to reduce the gap in his enterprise by traveling to specific areas in Phoenicia. He goes with Liesl and Bjorn to the site of a train tunnel, where another group of gunmen arrive to try and kill Zsa-Zsa. They are saved by Prince Farouk (Riz Ahmed) and his bodyguard.

In the tunnel, the group meets with financier brothers Leland (Tom Hanks) and Reagan (Bryan Cranston). They are not happy that Zsa-Zsa “fiddled” with their contract to increase their contributions to the project without discussing with them. In order to settle the dispute, Zsa-Zsa challenges them to a game of H-O-R-S-E against him and Farouk, who is inexperienced with basketball. Meanwhile, Liesl drinks beer for the first time with Bjorn, who seems to have a romantic attraction towards her. The men are tied near the end of the game, but Farouk scores the winning shot (offscreen) and the deal with Leland and Reagan is resolved.

Shoebox #2 – Marseille Bob and the Newark Syndicate
In another afterlife vision, Zsa-Zsa sees himself confronted by his three wives (Charlotte Gainsbourg, Antonia Desplat, Antonia Schroter). He presents them with a deer carcass and cuts it opens, letting coins spill out. Liesl’s mother tells Zsa-Zsa that she is not his daughter. On the plane to their next destination, Liesl observes a picture of Nubar and sees they have the same eyes.

Zsa-Zsa, Liesl, and Bjorn travel to meet with Marseille Bob (Mathieu Amalric) in his nightclub. He is not happy that Zsa-Zsa is trying to blackmail him in agreeing to cover his share of the gap. In the middle of their discussion, gunfire breaks out as a guerilla unit, led by Sergio (Richard Ayoade), comes to rob the place. Bob comes out to chide them for shooting up the ceiling. Zsa-Zsa steps in to resolve the issue and ends up taking a bullet meant for Bob, which is slowed down thanks to some bills on Zsa-Zsa’s person. Bob digs the bullet out and is thankful to Zsa-Zsa for saving his life, which convinces Bob to cover the gap.

Zsa-Zsa is later taken to meet with another conspirator, Marty (Jeffrey Wright), for a blood transfusion. During the exchange, Zsa-Zsa tells Liesl that he feels somewhat responsible for her mother’s death since he had told Nubar, who also had an affair with her, that she was sleeping with his executive assistant as payback for her sleeping with other men, and this led to Nubar having both of them killed. He also admits he is still doing business with Nubar. Liesl asks Zsa-Zsa if he ever really loved her mother, and he admits he did not, so she slaps him. She only chooses to continue on the venture to see that Nubar is brought to justice. Zsa-Zsa and Marty also argue when Zsa-Zsa presents him with their business agreement, except he “fiddled” with it as well. Zsa-Zsa then forces Marty to agree to his terms by taking out a grenade and pulling the pin out. They have a laugh, and Marty relents.

Shoebox #3 – Cousin Hilda and the Utopian Outpost
The trio go to visit Zsa-Zsa’s second cousin Hilda (Scarlett Johansson) for the proposition that she marry Zsa-Zsa since Hilda holds some stake in the Korda family fortune, and he doesn’t want to ask Nubar for help. She doesn’t want to, but Zsa-Zsa begs for her help. Hilda finally gives in, but she will not help cover the gap.

Shoebox #3 1/2 – Emergency Directive
While on their next flight, Zsa-Zsa finds that the pilot has been poisoned, and a fighter jet is ready to shoot them down. The plane crashes in the forest, where it is revealed that Bjorn is an American spy named Agent Carson who works for Excalibur, and that he has been working against Zsa-Zsa, but he wants to switch sides since he has fallen for Liesl. Zsa-Zsa attacks Bjorn (he prefers that name) but is quickly knocked back. Zsa-Zsa ends up falling in quicksand moments later, but Bjorn rescues him after a kiss from Liesl. Zsa-Zsa sees himself in the afterlife again talking to God (Bill Murray).

The trio set up camp for the night. They bond over having unpleasant childhoods, which explains why Zsa-Zsa has not shown his own family love and has just made up for it with money. Liesl wants to leave the family business and go back to the church. Moments later, they are found by Sergio and his party, who take them away on their plane.

The group returns home, where Liesl meets with Mother Superior (Hope Davis). She tells Liesl that perhaps she was not destined for the religious life and dismisses her from the convent. During dinner, Zsa-Zsa explains how the other investors are going to meet at the Desert Palace Hotel to witness a presentation of The Phoenician Scheme. He sets the rest of his plans into motion, which includes moving up his marriage to Hilda.

Shoebox #4 – Uncle Nubar and the Korda Reliquary
Zsa-Zsa, Liesl, Bjorn, and Sergio ride an elevator to meet with Nubar. They run into an assassin that Zsa-Zsa recognizes. Before they can apprehend him, the man eats a cyanide pill.

The three proceed to meet with Nubar in his study. On the matter of Liesl’s mother, Nubar denies being her father but says that the affair between her and the executive assistant was true, meaning that man was probably Liesl’s real father. Before going to give the presentation, Zsa-Zsa decides to close the gap himself, which would bankrupt him, but he has decided to change his ways for good, which includes paying his employees.

Nubar later reveals that he was indeed trying to have Zsa-Zsa killed. The two engage in a fight, which ends when Nubar unsuccessfully tries to hit Zsa-Zsa with a poison capsule, only for him to get hit with it instead. Zsa-Zsa runs back out with the other conspirators, and a rabid Nubar stands on top of a model of the Korda dam with a grenade. However, Nubar cannot throw the grenade (either because of the poison or because of a sudden change of heart isn’t clear), and he blows himself up, along with the model. One last afterlife vision shows Zsa-Zsa and Liesl walking together, as she has now accepted him as her father.

Shoebox #5 – Chez Zsa-Zsa
With his business gone, Zsa-Zsa and Liesl work together to operate a small restaurant. Liesl writes one more letter to Mother Superior to discuss what happened to everyone else. Her brothers are finally getting the love and attention they deserve. Bjorn/Carson leaves his agency and takes a teaching position at a nearby school to teach about bugs (which is what he was teaching Zsa-Zsa’s sons). Hilda annulled her marriage to Zsa-Zsa and started her own camp. She gave the ring back, which Bjorn is using to propose to Liesl, who accepts. When the work day is over, Zsa-Zsa and Liesl play cards downstairs together.

In 1950, industrialist Zsa-Zsa Korda is being targeted in multiple assassination attempts. He also has people in governments around the world wanting to see the downfall of his enterprise, as he has a reputation for being a swindler. In order to salvage what's left of his business, Zsa-Zsa is meeting with his conspirators to try and close the gap in the business, in what is called "The Phoenician Scheme". He is accompanied by his estranged daughter, a nun named Liesl, and his executive assistant, Bjorn.

Zsa-Zsa meets with fellow investors Prince Farouk, financier brothers Leland and Reagan, gangster Marseille Bob, a guy named Marty, and his cousin Hilda. Throughout the trip, Liesl comes to understand Zsa-Zsa a little more closely, even though it becomes apparent that he is not her biological father. Bjorn also appears to be developing feelings for Liesl, before it is revealed that he is an American spy who was working under the organization trying to bring Zsa-Zsa's business down, but he switches sides.

Zsa-Zsa gathers the investors together for a presentation on his scheme, along with fellow investor and his half-brother Nubar. Zsa-Zsa tells Liesl that Nubar is responsible for the murder of her mother, as Zsa-Zsa told Nubar that she was having an affair with his former executive assistant as payback since Zsa-Zsa knew she was already involved with Nubar. As a result of his time spent with Liesl and the other investors, Zsa-Zsa resolves the only way to close the gap in his scheme is to do it himself and also to pay his employees, even if it bankrupts him. Nubar then reveals he tried to have Zsa-Zsa assassinated, and they engage in a fight. Nubar ends up killing himself with a grenade.

Although Zsa-Zsa is now poor, he and Liesl have gone into business together with a small restaurant, and she accepts him as her father. Bjorn also proposes to Liesl, which she accepts.