DRIVE-AWAY DOLLS

*CUT TO THE CHASE*

NOTE: This spoiler was submitted by Jeremy

Philadelphia, 1999 – In a bar, a man named Santos (Pedro Pascal) nervously holds a briefcase in his arms as he waits for someone to bring it to him. After becoming too panicked, Santos leaves with the briefcase and finds himself followed by the waiter (Gordon MacDonald). He follows Santos into an alley and demands the briefcase. When Santos refuses to give it up, the waiter stabs him in both ends of his neck.

Elsewhere in the city, a young lesbian named Jamie Dobbs (Margaret Qualley) is having sex with her girlfriend Carla (Annie Gonzalez) despite being in a relationship with an officer, Sukie (Beanie Feldstein). Meanwhile, Jamie’s best friend Marian Pallavi (Geraldine Viswanathan) is being hit on by a guy at her job, but she is not interested (she is also a lesbian) and belittles him for the slang he uses.

Marian later joins Jamie at a Y2K party (it’s close to New Years), where Sukie finds Jamie trying to perform onstage, and Sukie gives her a black eye after learning Jamie was cheating. Back home, Jamie laments her love life while Marian is talking about going to visit her Aunt Ellis (Connie Jackson) in Tallahassee. Jamie decides to join her and convinces Marian to go on a driveaway with her, where they will pick up a car and deliver it for a client.

The ladies go to the car service run by a guy named Curlie (Bill Camp) and receive a car that has “Love is a sleigh ride to Hell” painted on the trunk. After they leave, Curlie is later visited by two goons, Arliss (Joey Slotnick) and Flint (C.J. Wilson), along with their boss, Chief (Colman Domingo). It turns out that the car that Jamie and Marian took was meant for them to transport to Florida since there is something in the car that nobody ought to know about. Arliss and Flint then beat Curlie unconscious while Chief resolves to go after the girls.

On the road, Jamie makes it her mission to get Marian laid, while the latter would prefer to sit and read her book, Henry James’ “The Europeans.” The two stop at a bar where Jamie spots an entire girls soccer team, who all happen to be lesbians as well, and she convinces Marian to join them back at one of their houses to hook up. Marian awkwardly makes out with one of the girls while Jamie tries to get her out of her shell by helping her kiss better. After a while, Marian becomes overwhelmed and emotional and walks out. She is found by two officers who arrest her after she mouths off to one of them.

Throughout the film, trippy visions are shown on the girls’ road trip, featuring a mysterious figure named Tiffany Plastercaster (Miley Cyrus).

Arliss and Flint chase after the girls, first by interrogating Sukie in her home. She beats up Flint since he came in aggressively, while Arliss calmly asks her where Jamie and Marian could be heading. With their lead, they make their way toward Florida and come upon the girls soccer team, who don’t give up any info on the girls and mostly laugh at the two bumbling henchmen.

Jamie bails Marian out of jail as they resume their trip a day later than they were supposed to deliver the car. They get a flat tire and have to stop. They open the trunk and find both Santos’ head in a box with dry ice, as well as the mysterious briefcase that he was holding onto before he died.

The ladies stop at a hotel while trying to hide the head. During dinner, Jamie offers to sleep with Marian so that she can have a proper sexual experience. Marian agrees and later enjoys oral sex from Jamie. Meanwhile, Chief and his goons arrive in town, and Sukie investigates the case involving the girls since Jamie had personally contacted her. She goes by Curlie’s shop, as he is still lying on the floor. He tries to throw some papers up to get her attention, but she misses him, and his fate is left unknown.

The next morning, Marian finds Jamie pleasuring herself. Marian then discovers what is inside the briefcase: a collection of dildos of varying sizes. Soon, the three criminals break into the hotel room, recover Santos’ head, and abduct the girls.

The crooks take the girls to the back of a dog track where they are tied up. Chief explains to them that the briefcase contains dildos molded from various influential political figures, and the one that Marian used belongs to Senator Gary Channel (Matt Damon). Santos came close to exposing them, so he was killed for it. Meanwhile, Arliss and Flint get into an argument that leads to Flint snapping and fatally shooting both Arliss and Chief before he runs away. The girls free themselves and go back to the hotel to get Channel’s dildo.

Jamie and Marian arrange to meet with Channel at a bar in order to blackmail him in exchange for $1 million. After the deal, Sukie finds the girls at the bar. Channel goes to his car and grabs a gun with the intention of shooting the women. Sukie sees this and shoots Channel first, causing him to drop the box with Santos’ head and expose it to everyone, causing a panic.

Channel’s dirty deeds become nationwide news. Jamie and Marian part with Sukie and resume their trip after arriving to meet Aunt Ellis. Before leaving the hotel, Jamie shows Marian that she had two molds of Channel’s penis for both of them. They then join Aunt Ellis on another road trip to Massachusetts since women can legally get married there. After they drive off, a bellhop misses them to let the ladies know they left their bag behind. He then looks inside and spots the dildos.

Near the end of 1999, lesbian best friends Jamie and Marian embark on a road trip to Tallahassee after taking a driveaway car for another client. The car was meant for three criminals - Chief, Arliss, and Flint - to deliver to their own client, as the car contains valuable cargo. Meanwhile, Jamie tries to help Marian get laid.

After getting a flat tire, the ladies find a briefcase, along with the severed head of a man named Santos who was originally carrying the briefcase. They check into a hotel, where they find that the briefcase contains several dildos of varying sizes. The criminals track the ladies down and kidnap them. Chief explains that the dildos are molded from several major political figures, including right wing Senator Gary Channel. Flint turns on his cohorts and kills them before running away, and the girls free themselves and recover the briefcase.

The ladies blackmail Channel for money in exchange for the briefcase and Santos' head. After the exchange is made, Jamie's ex-girlfriend, a cop named Sukie, finds them. Channel attempts to kill the women, but Sukie shoots him first. Channel's scandalous deeds are exposed, and Jamie and Marian go on a new road trip to Massachusetts.