THE 4:30 MOVIE

*CUT TO THE CHASE*

NOTE: This spoiler was submitted by Jeremy

The film opens in the early 80’s. Teenager Brian David (Austin Zajur) calls his crush, Melody Barnegat (Sienna Adugong), at her job. They banter for a while, as Brian last saw her the previous summer when they kissed in her pool and he almost got to feel her breasts. Brian rattles off some movie trivia before telling Melody that a film adaptation of a popular detective book they made fun of, “Bucklick”, is showing at the local theater that afternoon. Melody agrees to join Brian and his friends for the 4:30 showing of “Bucklick”. After hanging up, Brian reacts with excitement.

Brian works a part-time job with co-worker Cookie (Method Man) and is a die-hard film geek. He joins one of his best friends, Belly (Reed Northrup) before they join their other friend Burny (Nicholas Cirillo), an obnoxious teen who brags about how many other girls he’s hooked up with. Burny makes fun of Brian for his crush on Melody, as she is a year younger than them and he says that Brian is insecure about his height and weight. Burny is also obsessed with a wrestler named Major Murder (Sam Richardson), whom he views as the ultimate example of a badass man.

The boys plan to spend the day at the movies, with Melody set to join them for the 4:30 showing of “Bucklick”. They first go watch a film called “Astro Blaster and the Beaver Men”, a cheesy “Flash Gordon”-style space opera starring a beaver warrior, Damocles (Diedrich Bader), joining forces with the hero, Astro Blaster (Logic). Belly gets on the snack line and gets into an argument with a snotty kid, who then tells his dad (Jeff Anderson) that Belly showed the boy his privates. This gets Belly kicked out by Manager Mike (Ken Jeong), but Burny sneaks Belly in through the back door.

The boys head in for the movie, which starts with several trailers that they are looking forward to. First, there is an exploitation-style film called “Sister Sugar Walls”, about the titular nun (Harley Quinn Smith) who moonlights as a prostitute to provide for the orphans she looks after, while also killing a lecherous client (Jason Mewes). Next is a horror film called “The Health Nut”, followed by a creature feature called “Booties”, where a monster kills a construction worker (Jason Biggs) by going up his ass in the portapotty.

Not long into the film, the Hot Usher (Genesis Rodriguez) calls for Brian. Manager Mike gives him the phone, since Brian’s mother (Rachel Dratch) is making an “emergency” call. Brian deals with his mom, who is holding him up for the movie and even drags his dad (Jason Lee) into the nonsense. After hanging up, Brian goes back to find that Burny has started hooking up with a girl from school named Jessica (Evelyn Giovine) and they are having sex in the back of the theater, to Brian’s disgust. Brian gets called again by the Usher and a pissed off Manager Mike because now Melody is calling the theater to inform Brian that she can’t make the 4:30 show and will join him later.

After “Astro Blaster” finishes, the boys then decide to go to a horror film at 4:30 instead, but Burny is annoyed because there is no room to sit for the showing of that film. Meanwhile, Belly gets himself in trouble once again because he started masturbating in the bathroom to a drawing of a naked woman (who is also pooping). Brian creates a distraction by talking to an Emo Usher (Adam Pally), who complains about society and the state of the films they are showing, while Belly and Burny sneak back in.

Manager Mike eventually catches the boys and bans all three of them from the theater. The boys go into an alley where Brian and Burny begin to argue and fight in front of adults doing “Hands Across America”. Burny chastises Brian for derailing their afternoon all for his crush, while Brian is sick of Burny talking crap about Melody. Belly intervenes and calls both of his friends out for what is bothering them. He knows that Brian is insecure about his appearance and that he idolizes Burny, and Burny knows this so he feels threatened that he will not have control over Brian if he ends up spending more time with Melody. Burny storms off and leaves his friends behind.

Burny sits somewhere until he spots Major Murder arriving, as it is his place that Burny is next to. He goes to meet his idol, who drops the tough guy act to use his normal speaking voice. When Burny notices Major Murder’s wife, MM tells Burny that his own friends used to make fun of him for being with her since she was younger than him, but he got over his insecurities to become who he is now. This talk appears to inspire Burny.

Brian sits by the steps of the movie theater, where the Hot Usher is smoking a cigarette. They get into a chat about films and the directors they like, with Brian eager to meet another film buff. The Usher says she is going to attend a film school, stating that she and Brian are both clearly filmmakers, but they just haven’t made their films yet. Brian decides it’s time to “make his film”.

Melody ends up meeting Brian outside the theater for their planned showtime, only for Brian to tell her that he got banned. When Brian tries to plead his case to Manager Mike, the guy dismisses Brian and refuses to lift the ban. Melody then calls Mike out on his shitty behavior stemming from his own shortcomings, so he bans Melody too. Moments later, Burny drives his truck into Mike’s “movie mobile”, creating a distraction that allows Brian and Melody to sneak back into the theater for “Bucklick”.

Just as the two are grabbing their seats, Melody is called out by her mother (Kate Micucci), who is visiting the theater with Melody’s aunt (Rosario Dawson). Mrs. Barnegat calls Melody out for being at the theater when she was supposed to be doing work at home, but Melody is mad that her mom and aunt are watching “Poltergeist II” when Melody was supposed to go with her over the weekend. Melody storms out with Brian following her.

Brian and Melody end up going for a walk around town, chatting about their lives and goals. Eventually, Brian admits to Melody that he has been thinking about her for the past year, which she doesn’t believe. He confesses his feelings to her, and she reciprocates, saying that Brian is the most interesting person she has ever met. The two kiss and cement their newfound relationship, with Brian saying that if this were a movie, it would be fitting that they end up together.

During the credits, Brian sits with Melody, Burny, and Belly outside of a place where he is set to apply for a job, which they are waiting for him to get done with so they can get lunch. The camera then reveals that the place is none other than the Quick-Stop Groceries shop (a Kevin Smith staple), though Brian says it can wait.

After the credits, bloopers and outtakes with the cast are shown.

Set in the early 80's, teenage film nerd Brian David asks out his longtime crush Melody Barnegat to the 4:30 showing a movie they are interested in seeing. Brian only kissed Melody the previous summer and didn't talk to her since then, so he is excited and nervous. He plans to have her join him and his best friends, Belly and Burny, while they spend the day theater-hopping.

The boys first watch a cheesy sci-fi film called "Astro Blaster and the Beaver Men" before the detective film "Bucklick" that Brian wants to watch with Melody. Burny, the "cool" guy of the three, mocks Brian for his crush on Melody and expresses annoyance. Brian's enjoyment of the film is ruined because his overbearing mother calls the theater to bother him, which also attracts the ire of Manager Mike.

The boys get banned from the theater after Belly causes too many problems (he was masturbating in the bathroom), leading to an argument between Brian and Burny. Belly calls them out over Burny feeling threatened by Brian's crush on Melody since he fears that he won't be Brian's idol anymore, while Brian is too hung up on his insecurities to have waited this long to talk to Melody again. Burny leaves and runs into his own idol, wrestler Major Murder, who gives him a pep talk and makes him realize he was a bad friend to Brian. Meanwhile, Brian has a heart-to-heart with the theater's usher, who shares his love for films.

Melody joins Brian alone, with Burny creating a distraction so the two can sneak in past Manager Mike. They end up not seeing the movie thanks to Melody's mom being there and embarrassing her, but she and Brian spend the afternoon together anyway before finally deciding to become boyfriend and girlfriend.

Brian is later set to start working at his first major job - the Quick-Stop Groceries shop (made famous by the "Clerks" trilogy).