SCARY MOVIE 6

*CUT TO THE CHASE*

NOTE: This spoiler was submitted by Jeremy

The film starts in a bar in Manhattan, where Teyana Taylor is waiting for someone (“Scream 6”). She gets a phone call from a producer and is lured out of the bar. Ghostface tries to corner Teyana in an alley, but she summons other New York dudes to come out and beat the would-be killer up. Ghostface then taunts Teyana for not winning the Oscar, so she hits him with her Golden Globe.

This turns out to be the opening to a parody film, “Horror Movie”, which is being watched by a teenager named Tuesday (Savannah Lee Nassif), who says that parody films are stupid and that she prefers “elevated comedy” (“Scream 5”). She then hears someone at the door, and the real Ghostface attacks Tuesday.

Tuesday’s sister Sara (Olivia Rose Keegan) is working at a “Final Destination” style theme park where all the rides malfunction and kills people, along with her boyfriend Jack (Cameron Scott Roberts), the most obvious secret killer boyfriend. They learn that Tuesday was attacked and hospitalized.

Brenda Meeks (Regina Hall) has done her hair to look like “Ma” and now has two teenage children, Dei (Sydney Park) and Brad (Gregg Wayans). Dei is “woke” while Brad is dating Val (Ruby Snowber), whom Brenda considers to be a “ho”, but Brad says she is “sex positive”. Meanwhile, Greg Phillipe (Lochlyn Munro) brings his trans son Jess (Benny Zielke) to school. The teens are later approached by Shorty (Marlon Wayans), who is uncle to Dei and Brad.

Sara and Jack go to visit her and Tuesday’s mother, Cindy Campbell (Anna Faris), who has become a recluse to prepare for whenever a killer comes back (“Halloween 2018”). Sara has a strained relationship with Cindy since she wasn’t a good mom, including taking her to see a mall Santa (really Art The Clown) who creeped Sara and the other kids out by handing them severed body parts. Sara and Jack tell Cindy they want her help in preparing for the return of Ghostface.

Ray Wilkins (Shawn Wayans) drives up to a church (“Sinners”) to face Brenda and an entire congregation. He claims that he is no longer gay, despite describing many aspects of gay culture in detail, but everybody believes him anyway.

Sara and Jack go see Tuesday at the hospital, where she is being treated by Nurse Ratchett (Kim Wayans). After causing Tuesday a great deal of pain through shenanigans, Sara then gets a call from Ghostface. The killer chases her and tries to attack, but Nurse Ratchett knocks him out with a lunch tray.

Sara and Jack then pay a visit to Doofy Gilmore (Dave Sheridan), the former sheriff and original Ghostface who is now a paranoid shut-in afraid of COVID. The two ask for his help in finding out who the killer is. He reluctantly agrees to help.

Everyone meets at Brenda’s house, where Cindy reunites with her, Shorty, and Ray after a long period away. They are joined by Sara, Jack, Doofy, Jess, Brad, Dei, and Val. Dei breaks down the horror movie rules about how Ghostface is going after either the legacy characters (Cindy, Brenda, Shorty, Ray), or the kids of the original characters. Sara gets mad that Cindy is potentially stealing her moment and she storms off.

Ghostface taunts Greg with a picture of his small penis and then threatens Jess. Greg rushes home and gets stabbed by Ghostface before getting his dick cut off and taunted with it. Jess is attacked and stabbed in the throat by Ghostface, but he dies after telling the killer he stabs like a girl.

At the scene of the crime, reporter Gail Hailstorm (Cheri Oteri) tries to report on Greg and Jess’s murders but has to get past a bunch of influencers first. She also sees Doofy again and has a flirtatious moment with him.

Shorty is smoking a blunt outside of his house, when he sees Ray running outside with a male lover. Shorty goes inside and finds Ghostface sitting down with a teacup and spoon, which he uses to hypnotize Shorty (“Get Out”). He forces Shorty to relive a gross memory about how his mom was a squirter and killed a man with her fluids, and then makes Shorty go into the Sunken Place, where he ends up in a “KPop Demon Hunters” style music video about getting high.

Cindy is at the hospital, where she hallucinates seeing her old boyfriend Bobby Prinze (Jon Abrahams), who is dead and was the father of Sara. She sees him grinning at her constantly (“Smile”) and she smacks him with a bedpan, until a doctor comes in to tell Cindy she is in the mental health ward, so everyone smiles.

Tuesday watches an ad for a film about Jermaine Jackson (Kenan Thompson) before Jack shows up with gloves, to definitely NOT kill Tuesday. Ghostface shows up and attacks again, but he and Tuesday get high off nitrous. Tuesday tries to roll out of the room but gets caught. Sara and Doofy show up, and Sara gets Tuesday out, but Doofy gets killed by Ghostface and then poops his pants.

Shorty goes on a livestream since that’s his main source of income. He brings out his special guest, popular streamer Kai Cenat, before they are joined by Ghostface. The group engages in silliness, including the classic “WAZZUUUUUUUP” gag, until Ghostface decapitates Kai. Shorty then celebrates because they broke a streaming record.

Two agents (Heidi Gardner and Damon Wayans Jr) join police officers at a bus stop, to apprehend Hanson the butler (Chris Elliott), who now goes by “Shorthand” (“Longlegs”). He is suspected of being Ghostface, but the police officers start attacking the black man who was waiting next to Hanson.

Gail goes to get a procedure done to look younger. She gets injected with “The Stuff” (“The Substance”). After she is injected with the entire dosage, Gail’s younger self emerges from her back…and it turns out to be one of the “White Chicks” (Marlon Wayans as Tiffany), who then gets killed by Ghostface.

Cindy and Brenda go to pick up Sara and Tuesday, but Sara says she is taking Tuesday away from all the chaos. Sara tries to get the killer to come out by dramatically screaming “WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!” like her mom, but Cindy shows her the “right” way to do it before Sara leaves.

Shorty summons Candyman, as he is actually a drug dealer selling weed candy that he buys for a Halloween party that night. During the party, Brenda accidentally gives the candy to trick-or-treaters, making them high as hell and causing the kids to run into the streets with their arms stretched out (“Weapons”). Sara, Jack, and Tuesday try to enter the party (“Sinners” again) but are denied by Shorty, Ray, and Brenda. They find their own way to sneak into the party. Meanwhile, Shorty teaches Brad how to go down on Val, comparing it to rolling a blunt. Brad successfully goes down on Val (even making her clit look like a blunt) but he ruins it by actually trying to smoke her and burns her.

Dei is on a train with other people dressed like famous film slashers (Chucky, Leatherface, Pinhead, and even the Heart Eyes Killer). Someone dressed like M3GAN approaches Dei and stabs them in the stomach. A Karen (literally named Karen) calls out the attack, but when Dei corrects her use of pronouns, everyone on the train starts taking turns stabbing Dei.

Outside the party, Brad is attacked by Ghostface. Brad keeps calling him out for the racist methods he is using with intent to kill Brad (using a whip, then making a noose) before he gets shot.

Cindy tries to warn Sara about the impending danger since she’s at a party in the same house where previous murders took place, but she ignores her mom. Ghostface then gets high and plays video games with Shorty until Sara sees him and screams. The killers are then revealed to be Jack (duh) and Val, who proceed to attack the partygoers.

Cindy and Brenda team up to take on the killers. Val pretends to be injured to try and trick them, but Cindy knows it’s crap. Brenda pretends to be shot so she won’t have to go into the house with Cindy. She battles the Ghostfaces using extra long dildos, but Jack and Val overpower her.

Jack and Val reveal they wanted to take over the “Scary Movie” franchise from the legacy characters, so they bring Brenda in. However, two more Ghostfaces emerge. One stabs Jack to death, the other shoots Val in the head. They are revealed to be Anthony Anderson and Shaquille O’Neal, since they were both in two of the other “Scary Movie” films (though Anthony was expecting Kevin Hart to join him). Two MORE Ghostfaces come out, and it’s Shorty and Ray. They kill Anthony and Shaq before criticizing Cindy and Brenda for being in “Scary Movie 3 and 4” without them (the answer is money). The four friends reconcile, while Sara and Tuesday make comments about joining them as part of the new franchise group.

The main four respond by tying up Sara and Tuesday and leaving them to burn in the house, declaring that nobody will take over the franchise from them, not even their kids. Cindy, Brenda, Shorty, and Ray all do a badass walk away from the burning house, unaware that the fire burned the back of their clothes and is exposing their butts.

During the credits, there is a trailer for “Brosferatu”, about a black vampire who seduces a white woman and fears scrutiny from black women. Afterwards, the agents interrogate Hanson, but he starts smashing his face against the table and appears to be enjoying it.

CTTC

Cindy Campbell and Brenda Meeks reunite with Brenda's brother Shorty and her ex Ray Wilkins, as a new Ghostface emerges to go after Cindy and her friends, as well as her daughters Sara and Tuesday.

The main parody is around "Scream 5" but also includes "Sinners", "Halloween 2018", "Weapons", "The Substance", "Get Out", "Longlegs", "Ma", and even "KPop Demon Hunters".

Brenda's kids Dei and Brad are killed by Ghostface. The killers are revealed to be Sara's boyfriend Jack and Brad's girlfriend Val, who wanted to take over the "Scary Movie" franchise. They are killed by two other Ghostfaces, who are Anthony Anderson and Shaquille O'Neal. Then those two are killed by Ray and Shorty, who were upset about being left out of "Scary Movie 3 and 4" while Cindy and Brenda were still in them.

The four friends reconcile but then leave Sara and Tuesday to burn alive in a house so that nobody can take the franchise away from them.