LOVE HURTS

*CUT TO THE CHASE*

NOTE: This spoiler was submitted by Jeremy

The film opens on Valentine’s Day. A woman named Rose Carlisle (Ariana DeBose) gets off a bus and sees an ad for a real estate agent, Marvin Gable (Ke Huy Quan). Rose takes out a sharpie and draws a goofy mustache on Marvin’s picture.

Marvin lives contentedly alone as a well-known realtor across town. He goes to his job with cookies for his employees, but he is called by his assistant Ashley (Lio Tipton), who hates Valentine’s Day and has become bitterly disillusioned with her job. While going through his mail, Marvin freezes when he sees a Valentine’s card reading that says “I’m back!” He walks into his office and gets knocked out cold.

Marvin wakes up to find his hand impaled to the table by a poetry-writing assassin, The Raven (Mustafa Shakir). He has been sent by Marvin’s crime boss brother, Alvin, AKA “Knuckles” (Daniel Wu). Knuckles and his business partner, Renny Merlow (Cam Gigandet), have learned that Rose is alive after Marvin was supposed to kill her since Rose stole money from the two of them. Marvin is a former assassin for “The Organization”, and Knuckles wants revenge. Marvin frees himself and fights Raven around the office while the V-Day work party is going on outside. Marvin manages to knock Raven unconscious before trying to flee the building. He is spotted by his mentor, Cliff Cussick (Sean Astin), who gives him a “Realtor of the Year” award for all his hard work.

Knuckles sends two hitmen, King (Marshawn Lynch) and Otis (Andre Eriksen), to spy on Marvin. Unbeknownst to Knuckles, Merlow is working behind his back and has employed King and Otis to help steal his money. The two watch as Marvin returns home and they ambush him. Marvin fights them with cookie cutters while they stuff him in a fridge and throw him across the kitchen. Marvin gets back up and knocks Otis out before throwing a knife at King to get his gun stuck. Marvin runs to his car but gets tased and knocked out by Rose. King runs after them and gets tased too.

Back at the office, Ashley walks into Marvin’s office and finds Raven unconscious, plus his book of poems. She takes a moment to read them and is touched by them, expressing her appreciation for the poems out loud before Raven wakes up. The two start to develop an attraction toward one another.

Marvin wakes up in a strip club in new clothes before going out to confront Rose, since she is the bartender. She remembers Marvin sparing her life because he’s in love with her. She tells him how she has evidence of Knuckles skimming money from Russian gangsters. They drive to a house that Marvin is trying to sell, where Rose brings out Kippy (Rhys Darby), Knuckles’s accountant who also had his finger severed by Rose so she can use his access to Knuckles’ money. Rose had worked with Merlow to steal from Knuckles, but while Kippy mentions $2 million stolen, Rose states that they stole $4 million, so there’s another 2 million unaccounted for, and Merlow had set Rose up to take the fall and forced her to go on the run.

Cliff goes to pay Marvin a visit at his home, only to be met by Knuckles and a henchman. Knuckles tells Cliff about Marvin’s history and what he used to do. Cliff doesn’t believe that Marvin would be capable of that and refers to Marvin like a brother. Knuckles responds by grabbing his boba tea straw and stabbing Cliff through the eye, killing him.

In the morning, Rose leaves Marvin with the couple trying to buy the house since he refuses to go back to his old ways to help her out. Marvin calls Ashley to bring the paperwork fro the couple, but this leads Raven to join her and arrive at the house. King and Otis also arrive and engage in a shootout. Ashley hides the couple in another room while Marvin and Raven form a brief alliance to fight the henchmen. Raven uses his blades to incapacitate King and Otis before resuming his fight with Marvin. They are separated by Ashley, who tells Marvin that she has fallen for Raven. This inspires Marvin to go back to help Rose.

Marvin goes to Knuckles’ hideout, where Rose is being held captive. Marvin decides to put his skills back to good use and proceeds to eliminate several henchmen before getting Rose to help. After killing one henchman, she grabs a shotgun and blasts Merlow in the chest. Marvin and Knuckles engage in a final showdown where Marvin beats his brother senseless. Knuckles tries to attack from behind, but Rose shoots him. She then brings the Russian gangsters inside after making a deal with them, and they take Knuckles away to an uncertain doom. Rose starts to leave, but Marvin goes after her and proclaims his love for her. They then kiss.

In the end, Raven and Ashley start a relationship, while King and Otis are shown to have survived, and Otis is trying to reconnect with his girlfriend. Marvin also decides that, even though “love hurts”, it is worth it when he has someone like Rose.

CTTC

Marvin Gable is an amiable realtor living a peaceful life alone. In reality, Marvin is a former assassin with deadly skills who comes face-to-face with his former love, Rose Carlisle. Marvin's crime boss brother Knuckles wants revenge since he ordered Marvin to kill Rose after she stole money from him, but Marvin let her go. Rose has come back since Knuckles' business partner, Merlow, was part of the scheme to steal from Knuckles and set Rose up to take the fall, forcing her to go on the run.

Marvin is pursued by other assassins, like The Raven, plus the duo King and Otis. Raven falls in love with Ashley, Marvin's assistant who also falls for him because of his poetry. She gets Marvin to stop fighting Raven after realizing she loves him, which in turn inspires Marvin to help Rose take down Knuckles.

Marvin goes to Knuckles' hideout to help and save Rose. After killing many henchmen, plus Merlow, Marvin and Knuckles fight until Knuckles is taken away by Russian gangsters that he was skimming money from, thanks to Rose contacting them and providing evidence. Marvin and Rose resume their relationship, now free from pursuers.