COCAINE BEAR

*CUT TO THE CHASE*

NOTE: This spoiler was submitted by Evan B

A plane filled with bricks of cocaine is being smuggled when the plane malfunctions and begins to go down. The smuggler (Matthew Rhys) sticks bricks in several duffel bags and attempts to parachute out to salvage what he can. Unfortunately, he hits his head on the way out and falls to his death. The drugs, duffel bags, and dead smuggler all land in Chattahoochee-Oconee National Forest. A big mama bear comes upon one of the bricks of the cocaine and gobbles it up, getting high AND aggressive.

Two hikers, Olaf and Elsa, are hiking happily through the forest. They see the bear in the distance, acting unusual. Although the hikers are charmed by the bear’s unusual behavior, they get scared quickly when the bear notices them and approaches in an aggressive fashion. Olaf tries to advise Elsa that people shouldn’t flee from black bears, but she doesn’t listen. The bear quickly catches the fleeing Elsa and rips her apart in front of a despondent Olaf (before the bear then follows a passing butterfly into the woods, leaving a blood-covered Olaf alone).

Meanwhile, drug kingpin Syd (Ray Liotta) meets with his fixer Daveed (O’Shea Jackson) and says that he needs him to investigate the plane crash and recover the drugs. He wants Daveed to take his son Eddie (Alden Ehrenreich) as well. Eddie is taking the recent death of his wife very hard and Syd hopes that this journey will help Eddie get straightened out. Daveed tries to cheer up his compatriot, but is unsuccessful.

Sari (Keri Russell), a single mom who lives near the forest, talks to her young teenage daughter Dee Dee (Brooklynn Prince). Sari had planned to take Dee Dee to the Forest that weekend to “paint the waterfall.” But she tells her daughter that she instead wants to take Dee Dee to Nashville for the weekend along with her new boyfriend. Dee Dee says it’s OK, but seems unhappy.

A detective named Bob (Isiah Whitlock Jr.) hears about the plane crash and the dead smuggler. Knowing that the smuggler is linked to Syd (whose operation he’s been investigating), Bob decides to go to the forest to investigate. He leaves his brand new dog with his colleague Reba (Ayoola Smart) and takes off for the forest.

The next morning, Dee Dee skips school to go to the forest with her best friend Henry (Christian Convery) so that she can paint the falls anyways. While going down the path, they find a brick of cocaine. The kids open it up and even eat a couple mouthfuls of it! Attracted to the smell of the cocaine, the bear emerges from the woods and chases after the children…

Forest ranger Liz (Margot Martindale) is putting on lipstick and fancy perfume in anticipation of seeing local wildlife expert Peter (Jesse Tyler Ferguson). The armed ranger walks into the giftshop to find a local teenage punk nicknamed Vest (J.B. Moore) (who is shoplifting at the time). Vest is able to sweet talk his way out of trouble.

Dee Dee’s school calls Sari to tell her that Dee Dee is absent. Sari deduces that Dee Dee must have snuck off to the forest and follows her there. Sari goes to the ranger station to ask for help, interrupting Liz’s flirtations with Peter. Although Liz tries to chase Sari off, Peter agrees to help Sari out and the three go off into the woods. Liz speculates that Dee Dee may have been kidnapped by local teens who have been mugging people in the forest.

Daveed and Eddie make it to the forest and they stop so Daveed can use the restroom. There, the gang of teens – Vest, Ponytail (Leo Hanna) and Kid (Aaron Holiday) – walk in on Daveed and try to mug him. Daveed beats up the kids (although one of them manages to stab him in the shoulder during the fight). Daveed then finds one of the teens is carrying a brick of cocaine. He revives Kid to ask about the cocaine. Kid admits that they found a duffel bag full of bricks and hid it at a gazebo in the forest (planning to get it at night so they could sell it themselves). Daveed threatens Kid until he agrees to lead the gangsters to the pavilion.

As Liz, Peter and Sari go through the forest, they find a brick of cocaine in the underbrush. Peter picks it up to investigate when they then hear a terrified Henry calling for help. They see Henry hiding in a tree and claiming a bear tried to kill him. Liz and Peter laugh at his claims, when the bear emerges from the woods and mauls Liz (taking a bite out of her butt). Sari manages to hide while Peter climbs another tree. Peter opens the brick to find the cocaine inside and it spills all over him. The wildlife expert accuses Henry of feeding cocaine to the bear, which he denies. The bear begins climbing a tree to get to Henry while Liz limps off to “get some help” at the ranger station – abandoning everyone else. The bear almost reaches Henry when it smells the cocaine on Peter. It ignores the child and climbs down Henry’s tree to run over to Peter’s tree. It climbs Peter’s tree and rips Peter apart while Henry jumps down to Sari and the two run off deeper into the forest. Henry says that he saw the bear drag Dee Dee away, but that she was still alive when he last saw her. They soon find a trail of paint that Dee Dee dumped out of her backpack while she was being dragged off so that rescuers may be able to follow and find her.

Liz makes it back to the ranger station where she finds Vest and Ponytail ransacking it. Ignoring the teens, she calls for an ambulance. The bear soon shows up at the cabin and tries to get in. Liz tells Ponytail to open the front door so she can shoot it. Being injured (and a terrible shot), Liz ends up accidentally shooting Ponytail in the head and killing him instead. The bear then breaks through a window, mauling Vest.

Bob arrives at the forest and goes to the pavilion. He finds the duffel bag of cocaine hidden on the roof of the pavilion and begins trying to find a way onto the roof. Meanwhile, an unseen gunman also arrives at the forest.

Two ambulance drivers arrive at the ranger station to find Ponytail dead on the floor (expressing surprise since Liz reported the incident as a concussion). One EMT goes to Liz (who is barely conscious on the floor) and the other opens a door to a closet from which blood is seeping out. Inside the closet, the EMT finds the bear gnawing on Vest’s decapitated head. The bear lunges at the EMT and pins him under the closet door. The unpinned EMT manages to drag Liz onto a gurney and into the ambulance. The second EMT distracts the bear and manages to jump in just as the ambulance leaves. The bear pursues the ambulance and the second EMT is unable to close the doors of the speeding vehicle. Liz shoots at the bear but misses every shot. The bear manages to jump into the ambulance. It rips the second EMT apart and knocks Liz’s gurney out of the ambulance where she is crushed on the road. The first EMT panics and drives into a tree. Since she didn’t have time to buckle up, she flies out of the windshield to her death. The dazed bear wanders back into the forest.

Kid and Eddie bond on the way to the pavilion, with Kid helping Eddie find a measure of closure about his dead wife. As the trio arrive, they are ambushed by Bob who is stuck on the roof of the pavilion with the duffel bag of cocaine (he climbed a tree and jumped onto the roof of the pavilion, but has no way to get off). The gangsters and the detective get into an argument and, when Daveed goes for his gun, Bob shoots at him and knocks off two of Daveed’s fingers. To their shock, the bear suddenly appears. The bear eats a brick of cocaine in front of them. It then approaches Eddie and collapses on top of him. Eddie notes the bear is a girl (it’s vagina is on his ear). Reba suddenly shows up and helps Bob take control of the situation.

Meanwhile, Dee Dee awakens in the bear’s cave with an injured leg. She sees she is in there with two cubs, who are eating cocaine out of a duffel bag that their mom brought back to the cave.

Cutting back to the pavilion, the bear finally awakens and begins menacing everyone on the ground. Bob takes a brick of cocaine out of the duffel and throws it into the woods so the bear chases after it. Kid runs away but the rest stay. Suddenly, Bob is shot by the mystery assailant. Syd walks up and reveals himself as the shooter. Reba reveals that she is secretly working for Syd. The drug dealer forces the group to go deeper into the forest to recover whatever cocaine they can (noting that his connections will kill him for losing so much cocaine, regardless of the fact that it was an accident). Bob bleeds out on the roof, with his last thoughts being of his pet dog and the life they could have had together.

Henry and Sari bump into Olaf and he is able to help them track down the bear cave. Olaf leaves them there and they go in and are reunited with Dee Dee. Hearing a commotion at the front of the cave and assuming it is the bear, they follow the cubs out of a back entrance. The back entrance dead ends on a cliff behind the waterfall. In fact, the disturbance they heard at the entrance were Syd and his gang. They go inside the cave and see bricks of cocaine and follow it to the back entrance (except for Reba who, not wanting to tempt fate, leaves them to go back to her car). The gangsters bump into Sari and the kids at the waterfall and Syd threatens to kill them. Daveed and Eddie finally stand up to Syd and a stand-off ensues.

Before the stand-off is resolved, the bear returns and attacks. Sari grabs the kids and jumps off the cliff into the water below. Eddie and Daveed follow soon after (although Daveed is grazed by a bullet when Syd shoots at the bear). Syd shoots the bear several times and it seemingly dies. However, as Syd tries to collect the bricks of cocaine himself, he tears open a bag. The cocaine falls onto the bear and revives it. The bear claws open Syd’s stomach and then the cubs eat out his intestines.

All the others survived the waterfall jump and Sari (a nurse) patches up Daveed. They return to the ranger station to find Reba waiting there. She tells them all to get out of there and she will cover their tracks. Reba also gives Bob’s dog to Eddie, who vows to live a better life going forward and to raise the dog. Daveed appreciates having an animal not addicted to cocaine. As Sari and the kids walk off, Dee Dee says she’s now happy to go to Nashville with her mother and mother’s new boyfriend.

The film ends with unseen hikers taking a picture of the bear and her cubs. The three bears notice the hikers and attack! Text on the screen notes that there may still be bricks of cocaine in the forest to this very day.

🛩️💊💼🆘🐻🚶‍♂️💀👀🧗‍♂️🌲🌳

The bear and her cubs become addicted to cocaine and end up maiming and killing a lot of people while searching for cocaine, including killing and eating drug kingpin Syd. Sari, Dee Dee, Henry, Daveed, Eddie, Kid, Olaf and Reba all make it out of the forest alive. The bear and her cubs continue killing on occasion to this very day.