A MINECRAFT MOVIE

*CUT TO THE CHASE*

NOTE: This spoiler was submitted by Jeremy

The film opens with Steve (Jack Black) narrating his story. As a child in the 80s, he “yearned for the mines”, but children were forbidden from entering the mines. As an adult, he abandoned his dead end job to finally explore the mines. There, he came upon the Orb of Dominance (even though it’s cube-shaped) and the Earth Crystal. By putting them together, Steve entered the Overworld, a place where he was able to build his own home from materials he picked up. He also befriended a wolf named Dennis, who became his loyal companion.

One day, Steve accidentally stumbled upon the Nether, a realm within Overworld that is home to the ruthless Piglins, led by the wicked sorceress Malgosha (Rachel House), who previously had aspirations to be a performer until her dad and the other Piglins crushed her dreams, so she became evil. She steals the Orb from Steve and plots to use it to cast an eternal darkness across Overworld, since the Piglins cannot step into the light. Steve and Dennis stole back the Orb, and Steve had Dennis escape into the real world to keep the Orb and Crystal away from the Piglins.

In the present day, Garrett “The Garbage Man” Garrison (Jason Momoa) is a former video game champion who operates a store that sells nostalgic goods, but he is stuck in his glory days and is in danger of being evicted. He goes to a storage auction held by his friend Daryl (Jemaine Clement) to try and get an Atari Cosmos console that might help him out financially. Garrett is disappointed to find that there is just the Orb and Crystal inside the box, and he has a meltdown in front of the others.

A young woman named Natalie (Emma Myers) is moving to the town of Chuglass, Idaho with her teenage brother Henry (Sebastian Hansen) after the death of their mother. Natalie starts a job at the local potato chip factory working on the company’s social media, while Henry starts attending a new school. After meeting Vice Principal Marlene (Jennifer Coolidge), he goes to his first class, where he tries to demonstrate a jet pack model he crafted. Two bullies cut a wire, which causes the jet pack to fly out of control and crash into Chuggy, the town’s mascot.

Panicked, Henry calls Garrett, since they had met earlier that day when Henry stopped into his store. Garrett pretends to be his uncle for 26 bucks and takes him back to the store. There, they come across the Orb and Crystal, along with a note from Steve to not use the Orb for the temptation of riches, since there is danger ahead. Henry puts the Orb inside the Crystal, and it starts to pull him and Garrett towards the mines. Meanwhile, Natalie contacts Dawn (Danielle Brooks), the real estate agent that sold her and Henry their house and who also runs a mobile petting zoo. The two find Henry and Garrett in the mines, with Dennis watching them from outside. The portal to Overworld opens, and they are all pulled inside.

Malgosha and the Piglins are alerted to the Orb’s return, which gives Steve an opportunity to escape their clutches and leave the Nether. The four are surprised by how Overworld looks before it quickly turns to night. They are attacked by sinister skeletons and zombies. Henry figures out how to build in Overworld and makes a fortress for him and the others to get to higher ground. Steve arrives and helps fight the monsters, but in the chaos, Garrett accidentally gets the Earth Crystal destroyed, leaving them without a way to get home. The morning comes back, and the rest of the monsters burn up in the sun. Steve tells the four that they can replace the Earth Crystal, but they need to find the Woodland Mansion to do so, and the journey there will be perilous.

Steve guides the four on their quest, showing them what Overworld has to offer. He shows them the village and the inhabitants that live there, and how easy it is to build things there. The Piglins then arrive, led by General Chungus (Jared Hess), leading to the group to fight back. Steve, Garrett, and Henry get separated from Natalie and Dawn. The guys manage to escape the Piglins while Natalie and Dawn bond while fighting off villains and end up finding Dennis to lead them back to Steve. Chungus returns to Malgosha and gets executed, so she sends her creation, the Great Hog, to find the heroes.

Steve, Garrett, and Henry make it into a cave, where Garrett tries to get Steve to show him where the riches of Overworld are. Steve leads him to the diamond mines, but Henry is dismayed by Garrett’s greediness. They are found and attacked by the Great Hog. The guys escape in a mine cart and use Creepers (those walking green things) to smack around so they blow up. The three escape just as the Great Hog gets blown up in the explosion.

Meanwhile, in the real world, one of the villagers, called “Nitwit”, gets lost when he steps out of Overworld. He accidentally gets hit by Marlene’s car, and she invites him out to dinner. Despite him not speaking English, Marlene finds herself falling for Nitwit.

Steve, Garrett, and Henry make it to the Woodland Mansion, where the men cause a distraction so Henry can find the Earth Crystal. He is found by an Enderman, a creepy teleporting creature that tries to make Henry fail by projecting Steve, Garrett, and Natalie saying mean things to him. Meanwhile, Steve and Garrett have to fight a little Frankenstein monster riding a chicken before they can flee. Henry uses his sword to fight the Enderman, and after it is defeated, Henry gets an Ender Pearl, which can teleport the user to wherever they launch it.

As they are leaving, the heroes are found by Malgosha and her forces. She gets the Orb back while the other Piglins attack the heroes. Steve and Henry make it onto a hot air balloon while Garrett stays behind to fight the Piglins and is seemingly killed when their supply of TNT blows up the bridge. Steve and Henry are blown away and crash.

Steve and Henry wake up to find that they were rescued by Dawn, Natalie, and Dennis. They mourn Garrett’s sacrifice before preparing to fight back against Malgosha. The sorceress uses the Orb to cast darkness across Overworld, allowing the monsters to attack as they please.

The heroes lead an army of Iron Golems to battle Malgosha and the Piglins. Henry tries to make his way up to the top of her tower to get back the Orb, but Malgosha fires at the tower and sends Henry falling. He is saved by Garrett, who is alive and comes riding in on his hot air balloon. Together, the heroes destroy the tower and reclaim the Orb. The creatures all start to melt and wither away. Malgosha makes two final pitiful attempts at pulling a sneak attack on Steve, until she finally just dies.

The portal to the real world is opened once again. The heroes say goodbye, but Steve wants to stay behind since he feels there is nothing the real world has to offer him. Natalie counters that maybe he has things to offer the real world. Steve ends up following them.

In the closing narration, Steve talks about how the heroes are doing now – With Steve’s help, Garrett was able to save his store and create a new arcade game, which has become popular with the kids in town. Dawn uses Dennis and other Overworld animals to help boost her petting zoo business. Natalie has started a self-defense course for kids based on how she learned to fight in Overworld. Henry fixed up his jet pack and is now more popular with his classmates. Steve and the other heroes then have a party at Garrett’s store.

Mid-Credits Scene: Marlene declares that she is engaged to Nitwit, while her ex-husband (Henry’s teacher) comes in. Nitwit then starts to speak (voice of Matt Berry) to declare that his love for Marlene has helped transcend their language barriers.

Post-Credits Scene: Steve returns to his former home to get other items he left there. He meets the house’s current owner, Alex (Kate McKinnon).

Steve has been a dreamer since he was a child, so he abandoned his dead end job to explore the mines in Idaho, where he came upon Overworld. There, he was able to build his own paradise with anything he could imagine, but he ended up in the Nether, a realm that is home to the Piglins and their leader, the wicked sorceress Malgosha, who hates anything creative. Steve sends his wolf Dennis into the real world to keep the Orb of Dominance and Earth Crystal away from Malgosha, or she will use it against Overworld.

The Orb and Crystal fall into the hands of Garrett "The Garbage Man" Garrison, a former video game champion who is stuck in his glory days and in danger of losing his store. He meets siblings Henry and Natalie, who just moved to town after their mom died, and their real estate agent Dawn. The four are sent into Overworld after Henry puts the Orb and Crystal together. After they are attacked by monsters, Steve arrives to help, but the Crystal is destroyed, preventing them from getting home. On their way to find a replacement, Steve, Garrett, and Henry get separated from Dawn and Natalie.

After eventually finding a replacement Crystal and evading Malgosha's forces, the sorceress steals the Orb from the heroes and casts darkness across Overworld so that the villains can thrive where there is no light. The heroes build an army and their own tools to fight back, and they reclaim the Orb and destroy Malgosha's tower. She and the Piglins end up dying while the heroes open the portal to return home. Steve decides to join them.

Steve and Garrett go into business together, while Natalie, Henry, and Dawn are also better off from their time spent in Overworld.