NOTE: This spoiler was submitted by Jeremy

Doug Harris (Josh Gad) is calling up some of his old classmates to be the best man for his upcoming wedding. However, none of these guys really knew Doug well enough to call him a friend. He is left with no other options. Then the glass table he's sitting on breaks beneath him.

We meet Jimmy Callahan (Kevin Hart) at a wedding reception. Being the best man, he gives a toast to the bride and groom, moving everyone with his heartfelt words. Afterwards, he chats up a pretty guest when the groom calls him over to talk in private. The groom gives Jimmy his payment, since Jimmy was hired to be the best man. Jimmy collects the check, but the groom thinks they hit it off, to which Jimmy disagrees. Jimmy leaves with the guest in a limo.

Doug is with his fiancee Gretchen Palmer (Kaley Cuoco-Sweeting) and her parents (Ken Howard and Mimi Rogers) to meet with the wedding planner Edmundo (Ignacio Serricchio) over some details for the wedding. This stresses Doug out so much since Gretchen has her maid of honor and bridesmaids lined up but Doug has no best man or groomsmen. Edmundo tells Doug to tell the truth, but he says the truth is not an option. The planner suggests one other option.

Doug goes to an amusement park and is led to the basement. He meets the secretary Doris Jenkins (Jenifer Lewis), who welcomes Doug to The Best Man, Inc. She directs him to Jimmy's office where Doug explains the situation. After Doug says he needs seven groomsmen, Jimmy says this is a term they call the "Golden Tux", and is impossible to pull off. Doug pleads with Jimmy because he loves Gretchen and cannot afford to lose someone like her. Jimmy gives in and agrees to help Doug.

The two stop off at a funeral for a guy that Jimmy pretended to be the best man for earlier on. Following that, Doug says his fake name for Jimmy is Bic Mitchum. Jimmy goes off to find the groomsmen.

Jimmy gets a few of his friends to fill out some roles - Plunkett (Colin Kane), a recently released felon who is a massive creep that only cares about hitting on bridesmaids; Lurch (Jorge Garcia), who has to deal with his nagging wife and agrees to Jimmy's plan to get away from her; and Reggie (Affion Crockett), a lecherous and underachieving airline security agent who up and quits when Jimmy calls upon him. Jimmy and Doris then interview three other candidates with their own special "party tricks" - Bronstein (Dan Gill), who is able to dislocate his shoulder and relocate it; Endo (Aaron Takahashi), who apparently has three testicles and is able to do a scene from "Titanic"; and Kip (Alan Ritchson), who is considerably more normal than the other three, but is pretty dumb and has a stutter. His trick is flexing his pecs. The seventh man to fill the role is Jimmy's friend from the amusement park, Otis (Corey Holcomb).

Doug gets together with Jimmy to go over made-up facts and stories that they will rehearse to sell it to Gretchen's family. To Jimmy's dismay, Doug has already told Gretchen's family that "Bic" is a priest that served in the military and is from North Dakota (since, according to Jimmy, nobody knows anyone from North Dakota). From Doug, Jimmy learns a few things, like that his favorite superhero is Pac-Man (even though he isn't one).

The two go to Gretchen's family's home, where we also meet her sister Allison (Olivia Thirlby) and Grandma (Cloris Leachman). The family takes to Jimmy well enough, until they ask him what part of North Dakota he's from. Doug starts to get nervous and nearly spills the beans when Jimmy purposely spills hot chili on Doug's pants. In a frenzy, they knock over a candle that rolls off that table and sets Grandma on fire. They take her to the emergency room.

Jimmy brings Doug to meet the guys who will pose as his groomsmen. He is creeped out by them and says they look like the cast of "Goonies" if they grew up and became rapists. Together, the guys all take fake pictures of them doing fun activities, like skydiving, scuba-diving, and climbing mountains.

As Doug begins to doubt Jimmy, the latter takes him to Edmundo's house where he drops his flamboyant act to show that it's just a ruse for better business, and that this is how selling a lie works. The duo then goes to a wedding where the best man (Josh Peck) tries to go offscript and "speak from the heart", only for him to get nervous and screw up badly. Doug and Jimmy go on the dance floor and show off their moves in front of everyone, even surprising Jimmy with how good Doug is. The two then have drinks and Jimmy talks about how he started his business by wanting to help guys out and be there for someone while getting paid. Jimmy drops a drunk Doug off and reiterates the fact that they are just having a business relationship. Doug understands, saying Jimmy is a friend when needed but not when it counts.

Jimmy sits in his office thinking about what Doug said. Doris comes in and reminds him why he started the business in the first place, but she knows that even Jimmy needs a real friend for himself. She lifts his spirits and convinces him to finish pulling off the Golden Tux.

Jimmy is on the phone with Lurch near Gretchen's home as Allison jogs by and overhears him. She starts to get a little suspicious, but Jimmy coolly plays it off that he's using military codes.

When he's not with Jimmy, Doug is doing more planning with Gretchen. She turns out to be really freaked out with little things like if it rains during the wedding and hates it Doug even says the word. When they're meeting with the wedding singer (Jeff Ross), Gretchen wants him to play "You Are So Beautiful", because she claims it's hers and Doug's song, but Doug reminds her that it's a song she listened to with an ex while having sex. He knows this because Gretchen's mentioned it many times.

One day, Doug is grabbed by two guys in a mask (Reggie and Plunkett). They put a black bag on his head, tie him up, and throw him in the back of the pick-up truck, only Doug isn't strapped in and he tumbles out. He runs through traffic but is caught by the guys again. They bring him to his bachelor party. It's a huge bash with a bunch of random people, including a pretty woman named Nadia (Nicole Whelan). She tries to fondle Doug but instead has fun with him in the bouncy house. The people then tie Doug up and blindfold him. Nadia comes out with peanut butter and puts some on Doug's face. She licks it off and then puts peanut butter on Doug's crotch. In comes a dog, who begins to lick Doug down there. When Doug sees what it is, he is grossed out until the dog bites on Doug's penis. The dog won't let go, and Plunkett fires off a gun, making the dog pass out with lockjaw. The gang races to the hospital, and a cop follows them. They outrun the cop and drive over a closed road to get to the hospital. When Doug wakes up, he finds that they put stitches on his penis. Nadia kisses him goodbye and says to call her to see a Dodgers game (Jimmy says this is code for sex).

Doug, Jimmy, and the other groomsmen then get together to play touch football with Gretchen's dad and his buddies. The old men tear through the guys quickly in the first round, but the guys team up and knock the old men on their asses before Jimmy throws the ball to Doug, scoring the winning points.

The family gathers for the rehearsal dinner. They play the slideshow with all the fake pictures, and the groomsmen do a good job of convincing everyone that Doug is a great friend. However, Allison still suspects something is fishy with Jimmy, since she knows Doug wasn't like that before Jimmy came around.

On the day of the wedding, the men are told that the priest originally set to officiate the wedding had to cancel and is replaced by a guy that Jimmy recognizes from Catholic school. He has two of the guys kidnap him and put him somewhere else. They have "Father Bic" officiate the wedding, and so Jimmy unofficially marries Doug and Gretchen.

During the reception, Gretchen passes Jimmy by the bathrooms. She tells him that the only reason she married Doug was because she was sick of dating jerks and she thinks Doug can provide her with a good family life, even if she doesn't actually love him. Doug overhears in the bathroom. He talks to Jimmy and admits that he never loved Gretchen either - he just got excited that a girl like her would have talked to or looked at him more than once.

Jimmy is up to give the best man speech. He genuinely says that Doug is a true friend, forcing Doug to confess to everyone that this whole thing was a sham and that he and Gretchen are not really married. The guys all make a run for it. Gretchen's dad angrily rises and goes to get Doug, but he gets knocked down by Edmundo after he calls him a fairy. Gretchen gets mad and slaps Doug, but he tells her that she will eventually find happiness. Jimmy finds Allison and admits he was lying but also says he wants to get a burrito with her. She smiles and tells him to call her. Doug and Jimmy then leave and accept each other's friendship (after Doug pays Jimmy).

The guys all get together and go to Tahiti since Doug still had tickets he was planning on using for a honeymoon. They turn the plane into a party zone (to the chagrin of the other passengers). Edmundo gets a coconut with weed and sings "You put the weed in the coconut and light that shit up", with everyone singing until Doug sings it in a goofy voice. Lurch says he's getting a bad feeling about the flight.

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