WELCOME HOME ROSCOE JENKINS
NOTE: This spoiler was sent in by Erica.
The film opens with a clip from Access Hollywood, which is announcing the engagement of RJ Stevens (Martin Lawrence) and Bianca Kittles (Joy Bryant). RJ has a book called “Team of Me” and hosts a popular daytime talk show that is sort of a mix of Oprah, Dr. Phil and Jerry Springer. Bianca was the winner on Survivor, and they comment on a few of her dirty deeds that helped her win the show. It pans back and shows their engagement party being held at their home, where friends and celebrities are gathered around the TV to watch the segment. When it ends, everyone congratulates RJ while Bianca proudly shows her gigantic engagement ring and is constantly holding her little dog Fiona. RJ’s son Jamal is also there but doesn’t seem to be very happy about the impending marriage.
RJ checks the time and excuses himself to go outside by the pool and calls his mother (aqua Mama J, played by Margaret Avery) to wish her a happy 50th wedding anniversary. She thanks him for calling, and says that it’s okay that he won’t be able to come home for the big party because she knows he is busy with his life in California. She also saw the TV segment and comments on how pretty Bianca is. Suddenly Papa Jenkins’ (James Earl Jones) voice booms into the phone that no, it is not okay that RJ is not coming, and that he is being disrespectful to his mother by being the only child not to come, especially since he left nine years ago and never came back. Papa J has been listening the whole time and is very irritated. He sarcastically calls RJ “Dr. Stevens” and makes it very clear that he is not happy with his son’s choices in life. He is also annoyed that he has been denied getting to see his grandson. RJ asks if his father likes the 50-inch plasma TV he sent for their anniversary, but Papa J says that it’s still in the box and that nothing is wrong with their 30-year-old TV and “the picture is very clear.” RJ is still trying to squirm his way out of not coming, but his father puts his foot down. RJ talks to Jamal about it, who is excited about finally getting to meet his family. It turns out that he and his grandfather have been exchanging letters recently without RJ’s knowledge, and have gotten rather close. Bianca doesn’t want to go, but then decides that it could be good publicity for them. She suggests that they hire a camera crew to film the banquet as a gift for his parents, but they can also leak it to the press to show what a good family man he is. He reluctantly agrees and they go to bed, where we first see her competitive spirit as they’re having sex. She has tied his arms and legs to the bed and rides him furiously until he speaks in tongues and crosses his eyes. Refreshed, she jumps on the treadmill to run seven or eight miles. Once he can talk again, he asks if she can at least untie him first, but she ignores him and puts on her headphones as she increases the speed.
The next morning, the three of them prepare to go to the airport. RJ has only one small Louis Vuitton bag, but Bianca has two trunks and three or four additional suitcases. He reminds her that they will only be gone for four days, but she says, “I like to have options.” There is a slow-mo shot of the three of them walking into the airport, looking great in their outfits (except Jamal, who has on a t-shirt and shorts, but he’s only ten). As they board the plane, it turns out that there is no room for RJ’s bag, so the flight attendant offers to check it for him. He refuses, because he always has bad experiences when his bag is checked, which is why he likes to carry on. The attendant offers to put it in the captain’s closet where nothing can happen to it. He doesn’t like that option either, but has no choice but to accept. When he sits back down he smiles over at his son when suddenly Bianca’s ever-present dog starts lapping the drink he is holding, which looks like red wine or cranberry juice. He is disgusted and jerks the cup away, and the drink spills all over his white suit. He obviously hates the dog, which can do no wrong in Bianca’s eyes. He wants to go get his bag and change clothes, but she tells him not to worry about it…just to enjoy the flight and that he can change when they land. Next we see them after landing. RJ is hiding in a bathroom, and Bianca tells Jamal she can’t believe RJ’s bag disappeared from the captain’s closet, which should have been safe. RJ yells from the bathroom that Bianca must have bought the ugliest pants sold in the entire airport. He finally emerges wearing a white t-shirt and some bright plaid highwaters. He comments that the pants are entirely too tight, but she looks at his crotch and smiles admiringly, which seems to boost his ego a little bit even though he’s still embarrassed to be seen in that outfit. A few people chuckle as they pass him.
They rent a small Volkswagen and tie all of Bianca’s bags on top. The car is so low that it’s making sparks as they leave the airport. This is a whole weekend event leading up to the formal party, and Jamal is looking through the program of events, especially excited about the annual obstacle course race and the baseball game. It is a rural area, and as they pass through town, RJ notices a cousin/family friend Reggie (Mike Epps) in a car with music booming and making out with his girlfriend. When he notices RJ, he is happy to see him and jumps out to hug him while also patting RJ’s pockets trying to find his wallet. He asks if he can have $300. He & his girlfriend came to town to buy ice and he needs money for it. RJ doesn’t want to give up that much money and complains that Reggie is always hustling, but Bianca says he will look cheap if he doesn’t, so he pays. Reggie says that Bianca is gorgeous and that RJ had better behave if he wants to keep her. She agrees. They finally pull up at the Jenkins’ home, where we meet the parents and RJ’s older brother Otis (Michael Clarke Duncan) and his pregnant wife who obviously does not just have baby weight. Their two children are also very big, which RJ comments on. Mama Jenkins tells him to be nice, and asks why he didn’t wear pants that fit instead of ‘putting all of his business in the street.’ He continues making jokes under his breath about Otis’ big family, until Otis chases him, threatening to beat him up. Bianca asks why everyone keeps calling him Roscoe, and finds out that RJ’s real name is Roscoe Jenkins. She tries to hide her annoyance that he never told her that before. She goes inside and makes instant enemies with RJ’s sister Betty (played by Mo’nique) by spitting out the iced tea Betty made and calling it “liquid diabetes.” A few women are gathered in the kitchen, and at first they were impressed with Bianca because they liked her cattiness on Survivor, but once they realize that she acts like that all the time, they quickly lose interest. Betty calls her “Binaca” and other things for the rest of the movie…anything but her correct name.
She is still carrying her precious dog Fiona and goes outside, where she finds RJ at the grill with Otis. He claims he is still keeping with the vegan diet she enforces, but he has barbecue sauce all over his face. She sternly reminds him that they are a team and must be united. Reggie shows up with a very small amount of ice, so RJ asks for his change. Reggie claims that he asked for $300 because they have a big family so he had to get a lot, and it was so hot outside that half of it melted on the way home, so there is no change. Mama J calls Bianca over to help the women as they snap string beans and prepare for lunch. Betty glares at Bianca and quickly turns the conversation to the fact that Lucinda will be there, and that she wonders if RJ has ever gotten over his childhood crush on her. Bianca doesn’t take the bait; she just flashes her big ring and says “he’s over it.” Betty says, “Where do you think this whole ‘team of me’ idea started?” Bianca immediately gets jealous and asks for details. There is a flashback to 1985 as Betty tells the story of their cousin Clyde, who came to live with the Jenkins after his parents died. He and RJ were very competitive, and Clyde was better at pretty much everything. They both had a crush on a girl named Lucinda, and agreed that whoever won the obstacle race could ask her to the school dance. It was a close race, but RJ won by a nose, and Clyde was furious. RJ finally got up his nerve to ask Lucinda to the dance, but she said that Clyde had just asked her to go a few minutes earlier. Clyde smirks at him, and they walk off together. RJ ends up with a homely date, so after the party he confesses the bet to his father, thinking Clyde would get in trouble. Instead, RJ got a whipping and Clyde apologized & used a guilt trip about his dead parents to get out of it. It comes back to present day, and Betty explains that RJ never got over it nor did he have therapy…he just decided he could only trust himself, wrote a book called “Team of Me” and the rest was history. Bianca doesn’t want Betty to see how angry she is, but she is obviously annoyed that his book and TV show are all based on something he created to get over this girl.
Just then, Clyde (Cedric the Entertainer) and Lucinda (Nicole Ari Parker) pull up. Clyde hugs everyone except for RJ, and makes fun of him for still wearing Otis’ clothes (he had changed out of the tight plaid pants into a too-big baggy 90s outfit). RJ tries to explain that he has nice clothes but his bag is missing, but Clyde is already ignoring him. He is a Cadillac salesman and is showing off his new Escalade. Lucinda is happy to see RJ, but he can’t show his excitement in return since Bianca won’t leave his side, as she sneers at Lucinda. Clyde has brought hundreds of red velvet cakes from a bakery for the party. Not to be outdone, Bianca says that RJ has a surprise also…that a professional film crew will tape the event. RJ reminds her that yes, it was supposed to be a surprise, which she has now ruined. The Clyde-RJ rivalry continues through lunch, making everyone uncomfortable as they insult each other. The family’s huge dog Bucky keeps walking around looking at Fiona, and Bianca is disgusted at the thought and tells RJ to make sure the dogs are not left alone together. That night RJ tells Bianca he wants her to make him speak in tongues again, but she says the walls are too thin and besides, she will not sleep with him until she knows his true feelings about Lucinda. She reminds him that they have formed an alliance and that they are now Team Stevens. He tells her that this is real life, not Survivor, and that Lucinda is just an old friend. She is still mad, so he goes downstairs for a piece of the red velvet cake. Lucinda comes into the kitchen and they talk about old times. She asks RJ if he’s been spying on her, because he seems to know everyone she’s been involved with and that she had been engaged. He admits he’s surprised she is dating Clyde, but she quickly says they are not dating. He’s just a good friend and she ran into him when she was feeling depressed about the broken engagement, so having a familiar face around cheered her up. She hopes he is not interested in her, because she doesn’t see him that way at all. She comments on how pretty RJ’s fiancé is, and he just kind of shrugs. She covers RJ’s hand with hers and they smile, when suddenly Reggie bursts to get a beer in wearing a cowboy hat and a towel. He’s obviously been listening at the door and uses code language to let RJ know that he will tell Bianca about the conversation unless RJ gives him the 50-inch plasma that is going to waste. RJ says he isn’t afraid of him and that he can’t have the TV, but he looks nervous that Reggie might tell. Reggie’s girlfriend comes in wearing a Native American outfit and reminds her ‘cowboy’ that she’s waiting, so they leave. The moment has passed, and Lucinda leaves the kitchen.
The next day RJ is trying to catch up on some sleep when Bianca wakes him up & says that if he does a favor for her, she’ll show him her latest project. She wants him to take Fiona for a walk, which he thinks is stupid since the house is in the woods. The dog can walk herself. Bianca insists that he do that favor since the dog is special, and she spent all morning working on the project. She opens her robe and turns the clippers on & off to get his attention. He turns around and sees that she has shaved his initials into her pubic hair. She says, “I told you it was yours.” That’s all the incentive he needs to bound out of bed and take Fiona for her walk so he can get back to Bianca. Fiona is walking ahead of him and finally sees an area where she’d like to relieve herself when we hear the rattle of a snake. RJ is so scared that he leaves Fiona there and runs off yelling like a girl. He passes Lucinda running the other way and tells her not to go down the path because there’s a big rattlesnake which has probably eaten Fiona. Lucinda hurries and runs down the path, and comes back with the dog and a very tiny milksnake, which she says are harmless and common around there. RJ and the dog are both still shaken up. She carries the dog down to a lake area where they sit and talk for a while. She asks why he & Clyde are always arguing. He says that Clyde once took away a great opportunity, and now RJ could never get it back. She has no idea that he’s talking about her, and says that he should just create a new opportunity. He says he would like to, but he doesn’t think that’s possible. It looks like he may kiss her when Reggie & his girlfriend walk up on them, to RJ’s dismay. Reggie starts laughing and makes lots of jokes and comments about this nice 50-inch TV he’s about to get, and he wonders if there is any more red velvet cake. The two women look confused, and RJ is annoyed that he has now given Reggie more ammunition for a bribe. Suddenly RJ realizes that Fiona is nowhere in sight. Reggie says they just saw her down by the gully. RJ says “oh no…where is Buck?” “Down by the gully.” The four of them take off running but they are too late. Fiona is riding Buck just the way Bianca rode RJ, and Buck lets out a strange long low howl. RJ wonders if the dog was also speaking in tongues. He makes Reggie promise not to tell Bianca what happened, but Reggie says he can’t promise anything right now, especially since he would like to have a new TV. They walk back up to the house, and Bianca looks out the window just in time to see Lucinda pass the dog back to RJ and give him a hug. Bianca is instantly angry and throws on some clothes. RJ comes in the room saying he’s ready to see the project again up close, but Bianca says that he was gone too long and asks why he was with the “prom queen” all that time. He says that Lucinda rescued the dog from theuh…and tries to think of anything other than to mention the snake. Bianca notices some mud on the dog and glares at RJ. She doesn’t know what’s going on, but she says she is definitely going to keep an eye on him and the prom queen, and that he had better not damage their alliance.
The next morning Bianca wakes RJ up early to do yoga together, which she does perfectly, but he has not mastered the routine. Reggie spots her doing the downward facing dog pose and stares in enjoyment. RJ gets mad, but Reggie bribes him into getting one more peak…and one more…and one more. He says that RJ’s missing bag has finally arrived. RJ asks if Reggie opened his bag, because the shirt he’s wearing looks just like the authentic Hank Aaron jersey RJ paid a lot of money for. Reggie assures RJ that he would never snoop in his own cousin’s bag, and that it’s his own jersey that he bought somewhere, he just can’t remember where. Bianca walks up and Reggie says again that it’s his own shirt, and that if RJ doesn’t believe him maybe everyone should have a piece of red velvet cake. RJ is mad that he has been bribed again but can’t do anything. They head over to the baseball game, where Otis’ big daughter is pitching and does a great job of striking Jamal out. Bianca says with disgust, “how pathetic.” Lucinda is standing next to her on the field and makes a gesture to the pitcher. The ball flies so fast towards them that Bianca has to dive to the ground to avoid being hit. She glares at Lucinda, who smiles back innocently. Bianca tries to berate the “prom queen” with insults again, but Lucinda shuts her up by saying “Bucky boned Fiona!!!” Reggie intentionally slides into home base and grins at RJ, who can’t do anything but glare at the now filthy jersey. Next RJ is at bat, and Clyde pushes Otis’ daughter out of the way so that he can pitch to him. He says how much better he is than RJ at baseball while he pitches, and sure enough RJ gets a strike. Bianca yells more competitive Survivor stuff which gives RJ the adrenaline rush he needs to knock the ball out of the park. Unfortunately he has bad aim and the ball hits his mother in the head and knocks her out.
Mama & Papa J, RJ and Otis leave the small town’s doctor’s office. She has a concussion and a large knot on her forehead. RJ feels badly about what he did, and Otis and Papa J aren’t helping any, as they confirm that he sucks. Otis says, “you put a titty on my mama’s forehead!” While they are in town, Otis wants to pick up fish for that day’s meal and as he and RJ carry the heavy container together, they talk about how their lives turned out. RJ says that if Otis hadn’t had that knee injury, he could have been an NFL star with lots of money and moved to a big city. He’d never have guessed that he himself would be the one who ended up rich. Otis says that he doesn’t want RJ’s fame or money and that he is happy being the sheriff in a small town of people who love and respect him. His greatest happiness is his children. He is surprised that RJ didn’t teach Jamal how to play baseball, since he was always so good at it. He says that Jamal would love to do anything if it meant doing it with his father, and that he should spend more time with him. RJ mumbles something about how Otis’ children need to spend less time with the collard greens and cornbread. Otis asks him to repeat what he said, and instead of running away like before, RJ repeats what he said and continues to go on about how big and fat the kids are. While he’s in mid-sentence, Otis punches him in the forehead, which knocks him to the ground. He leans over him and says; “now you and Mama have matching titties!” Otis drives off, so RJ has to walk home. He is almost there, walking down the dirt road when he passes his sister Betty driving away from the house. She says that she is going to the prison to encourage some of them to praise the Lord. RJ mutters that she is going there for some conjugal visits and that she should at least charge for them. She gets out of the car and tells RJ that she will fight him for what he said. He says, “I’d never hit a woman, but I’ll hit a b*tch and that’s what you are.” He manages to get in one hit, but she gets him in a headlock and hits him repeatedly, making his feet come off the ground, and kicks him after he falls. She complains that he made her drop her protection from Satan as she picks several condoms up and puts them back in her bra. She drives off & leaves him in the dust.
He limps for the rest of the way home but he tries to hide his pain and walk normally after he notices Lucinda is sitting on the front porch. His nose is bleeding and he has cuts all over his face, in addition to the knot Otis caused. She is drinking water and takes out some of the ice to try to stop the bleeding on his face. Clyde and Papa J come outside as she is tenderly doing this, and both she and RJ look embarrassed. Papa J wrinkles his brows, and for the first time Clyde looks uncomfortable that RJ may have the upper hand. The two of them were going to put some legs on a beautiful table, but Papa J asks RJ to come to the workshed instead. They talk about how RJ left everyone behind to pursue his dream, and that Bianca is trying to change him, etc. RJ admits that he has missed spending time with his family but he was trying to do what was best for Jamal. Papa J says the best thing for Jamal would have been to get to know his family.
They go back to the house, where Otis is preparing the fish and the women are all cooking various things. Bianca spends most of her time hanging out with Reggie’s girlfriend, who is Caucasian and kind of an airhead, and no one really talks to either of them since they don’t fit in. Clyde is playing video games with Otis’ kids and Jamal, and Jamal asks his dad to join them, but he says, “I don’t play children’s games.” Jamal looks sad, but Clyde knows the comment was directed at him and says that they can play an adult game. He pulls a pair of dice out of one pocket and a stack of money out of the other. RJ pulls out his money and the two of them play, with RJ winning almost every time. Jamal is proud that his dad keeps rolling sevens and taking Clyde’s money. The more money Clyde loses, the madder he gets, and he is losing big time. Finally after RJ rolls yet another seven and is reaching for the money, Clyde grabs his arm and says he needs to roll again. RJ says his roll was legit and tries to get the money. This leads to RJ’s third and biggest fight of the day. RJ tries to get away and end the fight by jumping over the couch, but Clyde is right behind him, trips over the couch and crashes into the table Papa J just finished, breaking it in several places. That makes RJ mad so he starts fighting harder, and they move from room to room. We can see that Betty is being a little nicer to Bianca and Reggie’s girlfriend, and Otis says the fish is ready to be cooked. Clyde and RJ burst into the room, knocking over tables & spilling all of the food and drinks everywhere until Mama & Papa J show up in the doorway and they stop, both saying “he started it!” Everyone is mad that those two ruined everything, and Lucinda is disappointed in both of them. Most of the flour landed on Bianca, so she is extremely angry at RJ even hours later at bedtime (and for some reason, hasn’t washed it off her face).Reggie comes in and asks if Fiona is feeling better. Bianca asks what he’s talking about, and he says, “I don’t know…satellite TV? Sports packages? Premium channels?” RJ finally gives in and says “Porn. Lots and lots of porn. Now get out.” Reggie happily leaves, but Bianca tells RJ she knows about the dogs having sex. She does not want to be around him and tells him he has to sleep on the couch. He decides to sleep on the porch under some mosquito netting, mumbling under his breath about how he was not on Survivor & he needs to be in a bed. We can see a skunk’s tail above his head as he lies down, but he’s still mad & talking to himself. He glances up and sees the skunk, but before he has a chance to react the skunks sprays him in his face. He yells so loudly that he wakes everyone up, screaming that his eyes are burning and shouting, “mamaaaaaaa!”
The next day everyone is preparing for the obstacle race and wrinkling their noses in RJ’s direction, who still reeks of skunk. Papa J is giving the rules of the race, as he sprays air freshener, even though they’re all outside. Jamal tells his dad that he will win it for him. Clyde tells RJ that 1985 was just a fluke and that he could never beat him again, and suggests they race today. RJ said they are too old, and they should just let the kids do it. Clyde then says that actually he let RJ win before. RJ still tries to shrug it off, but Bianca once again starts giving her Survivor pep rally type of speech and he gets fired up and ready to win. The two guys have no mercy on the participating kids and push them whenever they’re too slow or in the way. They are pretty much neck in neck until Clyde gets caught in a tire because of his weight. RJ gets pretty far ahead of him until he falls onto a log and hurts his testicles. He falls under the log and holds on. Otis’ children have reached that part of the obstacle course and make sure to step on his hands with all their weight as they pass over him. Then he notices that Clyde has finally gotten out of the tire, and he doesn’t have time to get back on top of the log before Clyde has also stepped on his hands. They repeatedly pass one another back & forth until they get to a wall made of wooden slats. Jamal is already there and is having trouble climbing it. He asks for his dad’s help, and even though Clyde is almost over the wall, RJ sighs and stops to help him. Lucinda smiles, but it quickly turns into a frown when Bianca yells that it’s a team of me and he needs to beat Clyde, not help Jamal. RJ nods and leaves Jamal there. They continue the race, and RJ wins by a nose, just like before. He jumps up & down and yells about how great he is, team of me, he’s the man, etc. but no one else is happy except for Bianca. Jamal finally catches up to the family and RJ wants to give him five, but Jamal walks away from him. RJ tries to chase after him, but Bianca stops him and tells him to enjoy his victory. Lucinda runs after Jamal to comfort him. Clyde says that all of this was never about winning; it’s just that he was jealous that his own father had died and had always taken out his anger on RJ because he wanted to be like him. Even though they are cousins, he considers him to be his brother. RJ’s face softens and he goes to hug RJ but Bianca tells him not to. She keeps getting in his head until they walk away together, not acknowledging Clyde calling after them. The rest of the family shakes their head in disgust at what RJ has turned out to be.
RJ, Bianca and Jamal are leaving the house with all of her luggage tied to the roof of the car again. Jamal complains that he didn’t want to leave, and that he liked his cousins and wanted to go to the party that night. Bianca says it’s better that they left, and that other than the parents and RJ, the Jenkins family are a bunch of no-class people, and she understands why he never went back. Jamal protests but she says that she and RJ are Team Stevens, and that he had better get on board because they have big goals. She continues to berate his family as they drive, and RJ doesn’t say anything to defend them. Jamal doesn’t like the situation and can’t believe his dad has let her change him this much. RJ tells Jamal that Bianca is right, his family has no class. She’s so happy to see that he has admitted it and suggests that when they get back to LA they can stage a fake party for the film crew using actors, and in fact she doesn’t even want them at the wedding. They can use actors for that too, who will look better than the real family. RJ agrees to this brilliant plan, by which point all Jamal can do is make angry faces in the backseat. They pull up to the airport and Bianca opens her door. She wonders why they aren’t getting out, and he tells her that it’s over, he already had an alliance with his son before he met her, and they are Team Jenkins, and there’s no room for her in it. Jamal cheers, realizing that his dad was only agreeing with Bianca to test her. She is angry and says she will see to it that this ruins his career, and calls Fiona to her. Fiona barks and growls at her, and RJ says that apparently Fiona has formed a new alliance. As he drives away, he unties the rope on the roof and all of her bags crash to the ground.
At the anniversary party, Clyde is giving a heartfelt speech about how much he loves the Jenkins, and that they took him in and treated him like their own son. The parents fight back tears and Mama J tells her husband that the only thing that could make the evening better would be if Roscoe were there. Suddenly RJ grabs a mic from the dj in the back and talks about how much he loves his family, as he walks down front. Jamal sits at a table with his cousins, who are glad he’s back. By now Clyde is full out crying, and Reggie has to come escort him off the stage. He tries to get hugs from people sitting near him. RJ apologizes to everyone for his behavior and says that things will change starting now. His says his name is Roscoe Jenkins, Junior, and he is proud to be named after his father. His parents hug him and Clyde tries to jump in and make it a group hug, but Reggie pulls him away again. Everyone starts dancing…Betty finds some guy and rests his head on her bosom, and Clyde ends up dancing with two women. Lucinda and RJ dance and say a lot to each other with only their eyes. Next it shows the family at home the same evening, watching a home video of the party (the pro film crew had been cancelled) on the new plasma TV, which is sitting on top of the old console TV. “Now THAT’S a clear picture,” says Papa J. Everyone is laughing and having a good time, when Mama J asks if anyone has seen RJ and Lucinda. They all smile at each other, and we see the two of them passionately kissing and undressing each other all the way to RJ’s room. He opens the door, and the dogs Fiona and Bucky are spooning on his bed. They kick the dogs out and close the door.
As the credits roll, we see that The RJ Stevens Show is now The Roscoe Jenkins Show and he says that his show will focus less on fighting and more on family, starting with his own. Most of the people who play his family are stand-up comedians in real life, so they do a pretty good job of improvising their lines about their various problems, especially Betty, who has never had an orgasm and wants advice from her brother about how to get one.