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WANDERLUST

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NOTE: This spoiler was submitted by Gary.

George (Paul Rudd) and Linda (Jennifer Aniston) are in a real-estate broker's office. They are contemplating whether to sign the lease to a “microloft” in the West Side Village in New York City. They debate whether they can afford it, and Linda says that HBO might give her an advance on the documentary she is making. When George still is dawdling, Linda asks the real-estate broker if her husband is like George. The real-estate estate broker (who is past middle age) says that her husband is blind, but adds, after seeing that Linda is mortified at her question, that it's okay – he's blind since birth and adds how his great sense of feel lets her get him off with a flick of her finger. George agrees to the place but as Linda signs the lease, he says, “Wait...”

Cut to montages of George and Linda moving in, decorating their small apartment, and inviting people over. The apartment is one-room and is so small that their bed is a pulldown from the wall. George's brother Rick (Ken Marino) calls via video-chat and George pans around the room with the laptop as his brother says, “Small, small, small.” Rick's wife Marissa (Michaela Watkins) appears in the video frame and George and Linda comments on how good she looks. She says that she is smiling all the time – it's a trick to make yourself happy. Rick is a racist as he announces that he adopted a black baby, which in reality is his black SUV. The SUV is equipped with location tracking in case “towelheads” steal the car, they can track down those “sheiks.” Horrified, George pretends that they are losing Internet collection and shuts his laptop.

Paul is walking to his job and talking to Linda. He pumps up Linda for her pitch to HBO, telling her whether it's her job as a jewelry maker, children book illustrators, or ice-cream store owner, she'll find her niche. Meanwhile a cab almost runs him over but he lands on top of the hood and slides off it.

In the HBO conference room, Linda is showing her documentary to a panel of execs. The documentary narrates how a penguin is dying of testicular cancer. The execs are dumbfounded at how depressing the documentary is. One exec speaks up: there is no way in hell they'll buy the documentary. Linda protests that her documentary is “The Inconvenient Truth” and “March of the Penguins” combined, but the exec replies that this isn't the HBO brand; HBO's brand is edgy violence. “So if I have a vampire penguin and another penguin on meth, it'll be HBO brand?”, asks Linda.

George arrives at his office, and finds it crawling with FBI agents. His boss, led away in handcuffs, tells him that the company is shut down. Linda arrives home to find George at home. They figure that they can't afford the property. With the down market, they’ll be selling the “studio apartment” (“Let's call it what it is,” says the real-estate agent) at a loss.

Deciding to return to NYC when their fortune improves, George and Linda moves to Rick's house, because Rick has offered George a job in his company. On their way to Atlanta, they see a sign for Elysium Bed and Breakfast and decide to spend the night there. As they drive into the rural roads looking for the B&B, they see a naked man with a wine glass. The naked man, Wayne (Joe Lo Truglio), gives them unsolicited directions to the B&B, but George and Linda, freaked out by the naked man, drives the car in reverse to get away from Wayne. As they back away, Wayne runs towards them, his penis swinging in full view, until George reverses onto an encampment and rolls the car.

Wayne, introducing himself as a nudist (George: “Yes, I noticed your penis earlier.”), is carrying George and Linda's belongings to Elysium B&B, a huge house. They meet the owner of the B&B, Kathy (Kathryn Hahn), who asks George in all seriousness, if he is George, where are Paul, Ringo, and John? George is flummoxed until Kathy says it's a joke.

George and Linda are asleep in a huge bedroom when they are awakened by a low droning sound. Linda sends George to investigate. Linda wakes a while later and not seeing George in bed, goes downstairs to look for George. She finds him playing the didgeridoo with other people. George is whooping it up and Linda asks if he's high, and George says yes, he's had the best pot ever. As they wonder around the living room, they realize that the B&B is a commune. They meet a young, very pregnant red-head, Almond (Lauren Ambrose) who is married to an African American, Rodney (Jordan Peele). Almond feels that she and Rodney are of the same skin color.

George and Linda meets a man with long hair and full beard carrying a goat slung across his shoulder. The man, Seth (Justin Theroux), is the spiritual leader of the commune, which he labels as not a commune, but an “intentional community.” They meet a man in wheelchair, Carvin (Alan Alda) who is the founder of the commune, who asks them “how many days do we have left?” and starts naming off the founders of the commune. They also meet a tall, leggy blond, Eva (Malik Akerman), who is also from New York. She says that she doesn't miss the New York lifestyle at all -- the sleeping pills to fall asleep, the lattes to wake up, and the Blackberry to stay connected. Linda says she actually likes that lifestyle, especially the sleeping pills.

Someone calls the group into skinny dipping in the pond, and afterwards, as everyone is sitting by the campfire, Kathy says that she feels that magical things have happened since George and Linda arrived, such as her menstrual cycle starting, which is a miracle considering her uterus is in a jar.

George and Linda wakes up the next morning and look out from the balcony into the field. They see the farming commune in full action: people farming and milking cows, Eva leading a yoga group, etc. As they are about to leave, Kathy refuses their payment, saying they paid with their honesty. Carvin adds that “Literally, money buys nothing” which results in a back-and-forth with George, who argues it can't be literal. (The commune members help flip their car right-side up.)

George and Linda arrive at Rick's house, a McMansion. Rick greets them, obnoxiously asking where homeless George's cardboard box is and commenting on how Linda has a “redonkulous” body. Linda spies a margarita making machine, which Rick's wife Marissa says is her best friend. Her ritual: a 4:30 (why wait for 5 p.m.).

George and Rick drive out to a lot filled with porta-potties, which Rick operates and rents. (Rick: “When they Sh*t, I rake it in.”) In the office, George questions his job of data entry, causing Rick to fire and re-hire him in a show of who's the boss. Meanwhile, margaritas in hand, a drunk Marissa, shows Linda around the house, notes that the tv room is where she wastes away her life while she waits for Rick to come home from client meetings and his affairs.

In the morning, at breakfast, Rick blows up when George makes a comment about whose turn it is to mooch off. George decides to leave the house and go back to the commune. Linda is skeptical, feeling that they are escaping from life, but George convinces her how truly alive they felt that night at the commune.

Carvin welcomes George and Linda back into the commune. They now are staying in a small bedroom without doors. (The big bedroom is for paying guests, Kathy says.) Linda grows more skeptical about living there (“I need doors”), but they agree to a 2-weeks trial living at the commune.

At night, George wonders into the nudist Wayne making wine. Wayne puts on the “dingle bag.” Why, after all these times does he need a “dingle bag” George asks. “Pubes,” says Wayne. Later, George sees Wayne in his office. Wayne is working on a novel. In the morning, Linda and George hear screaming in the forest. It's Seth, working out his primal gesticulation. (Linda: “I thought it sounds more like someone is being axe-murdered.”) Seth lives in a giant tree house, and if it rains, drinks “nourishment from the teats” of God.

Seth starts hitting on Linda. When George is playing simple chords of a song, Seth upstages him with elaborate guitar picking. Seth asks Linda what to play and plays a song he made up filled with sexual overtones. When Linda asks, who wrote it, Seth says, “You did.” Linda grows enchanted with Seth.

George is doing farm work in the fields and retreats to his room. He sits on the toilet but is interrupted by Rodney, who asks George’s car key to drive into the city to get supplies. George grows more uncomfortable as Rodney tries to make small talk. Cathy comes in and tells them that everyone is participating in a “truth circle.”

The “truth circle” takes place in the woods. Everyone reveals a truthful thought, but before that, everyone except George drink tea from a communal bowl. Before George says a word, a member outs him as being dishonest. George replies with sarcasm, but Linda reveals a truth: she hates George's sarcasms. George and Linda start fighting. George reveals that he's tired of Linda's flight of fancy; Linda's someone who still haven't figured out her major. Linda admits that George is right; she has never commit to anything. As the group celebrates the breakthrough, everyone except George start hallucinating because the tea is a hallucinogen. Cut to Linda on a tree limb crying that she can fly. She leaps but Seth catches her.

The next morning, George receives a call on his iPhone for a job interview. He excitedly rushes out to find Rodney and his car, but Rodney shows George that the car is overturned in the lake. Rodney makes it out like it's a common occurrence. George walks dejected in the field and is met by Eva. Eva says, “I like you George,” and after George says the same thing, asks, “We should make love sometimes. How does Linda feel about that?” As George stands with his mouth agape, Eva leaves, saying matter-of-factly, “Think about being inside me.”

Seth walks up to George and Linda, saying that he heard about Eva’s proposal to him. He tells George not to fight the sexual chi, although it seems he’s angling to have sex with Linda. George and Linda discuss the idea of free love. A person runs to Seth and tells him that Carvin is fighting with lawyers at the edge of the farm. They approach the lawyers, who are demanding to see the deed to the place, because they want to convert the farmland into casinos. Seth and one of the lawyers engage in a fight of tearing up business cards.

George and the group are eating dinner outside. Carvin is trying to remember where he placed the deed, jogging his memory by reciting the names again. He mentions that he can remember the names because he slept with those people. George swats and kills a fly which outrages a member, who accuses him of violent tendencies. He grows increasingly disillusioned with living in the commune.

However, the commune life is growing on Linda. Linda, in a long dress, is frolicking in the field. Oh good, George remarks, she’s marking her territory, as he sees Linda squatting to pee. George makes networking calls about jobs, but is interrupted by an announcement that there is a protest against the ground breaking for casinos.

George and everyone run to the edge of the farm. There are a bulldozer, lawyers, and a news crew there. The members protest against the bulldozing. Linda asks the news reporter if she’s not going to cover the taking of land from innocent people. The news reporter replies cynically that the ground-breaking footage is a 30 seconds segment at the end of the news. As the news crew is about to leave, Linda tells them, “You’ll want to get this on tape.”

Cut to a news program covering the protest in the beginning of the news. The news footage shows Linda whipping her top off (it’s pixilated) and everyone else doing the same and protesting. The anchors trade sexually harassing banter toward the female news reporter (the weatherman: “The forecast is hot and sweaty.”). Because of the protest, the ground breaking is hold while the casino’s parent company investigates the issue further.

It’s the two-week period. Linda wants to stay. George asks Linda, the vegan, free love, etc., she’s okay with that? Linda says yes, she has found a purpose. George acquiesces about staying, but gets a text from his old boss about a job at the old company.

In the living room, upon hearing the news, Eva congratulates George. Seth also congratulates him and mentions that he has made love to Linda. George confronts Linda about it but Linda thought it’s because George bought into the free love idea and has already slept with Eva also. When she hears that he hasn’t, she freaks out and tells George, “You gotta do it. I can’t be the only one.”

George is in the bathroom psyching himself up. He practices in the mirror talking dirty. He meets Eva and his dirty talk, coupled with his nervousness, creeps out Eva. When he mentions that he has to do it for Linda, Eva decides the timing is not right and leaves. George runs into Wayne who wants to discuss the novel but George trashes the novel.

George walks out onto the porch and sits with Almond on a bench. Everyone else is out on a moon hike.  Almond talks about her pregnancy, and how she wants to deliver the baby naturally. Suddenly, Almond gets into labor. As George panics, Almonds squats and delivers the baby. George faints.

The next morning, it’s raining and George is in a foul mood. He drinks the coffee which he says taste like dirt. Almond and Rodney are showing the baby, carrying the baby and a bowl containing the placenta still attached to the baby’s umbilical cord, which is still attached to the baby. (They’re waiting for it to fall away naturally and they’ll bake the placenta into a cake.) George sees Linda and rants, Did you miss your 10 a.m. f** session, that Linda drank the Kool-aid. George says he misses A.C., meat, and is leaving. George leaves Linda. He walks out into the rain, calls his boss about the job, only to find out that his boss was messing with him. He finds a car and drives off.

Meanwhile, Seth is snooping around in Carvin’s office. He finds the deed between record albums. Seth meets the lawyer at the edge of the farm. Saying that he found his soul mate and wants to start a new life, he gives the lawyer the deed in exchange for cash, which he’ll use to buy a Miami condo to start a new Elysium. They rip the deed and set fire to the pieces when a kid comes upon them.

George goes back to Rick, who asks George how he manages to f* up being a hippie. In the office, George receives a big Fed-Ex box containing Wayne’s manuscript. Wayne realizes that the novel is terrible as George has said, and has reworked it. George and a coworker read the novel in the office (instead of working) and George writes to Wayne with suggestions.

George, Rick, and his wife Marissa are in the backyard talking about the commune life. When Marissa hears about Linda sleeping with Seth, she remarks how at least Linda is open about it, but Rick sneaks around with his affairs. Rick rationalizes hiding his affairs because he loves Marissa too much, but Marissa decides to divorce him on the spot, declaring that she’s going to be in the Real Housewives of Atlanta. George realizes the magnitude of his error of leaving Linda in the commune, and takes Rick’s SUV to race to the commune.

Linda drives out into the town and stops at a diner. She orders meat and sees Carvin eating a plate of chicken wings. Carvin reveals that even though he started the commune, he feels something is missing, and gets out from time to time. Linda and Carvin share a plate of bratwurst.

George races the SUV past a sign, “Come for the Wine.” Wayne is hosting a nudist wine tasting. As George drives the SUV into the commune, Seth tries to stop him, jumps onto the SUV but ends up stuck upside down in the moon roof, his feet sticking out. Distracted, George drives the SUV erratically, crashing into Wayne’s podium and chasing the crowd of nudists. He ends up in the lake but rescues Seth from the water.

Seth and George engage in a slap fight. Linda shows up, and George says, “I came back to say I love you.” Linda reveals that Seth wants to run away with her, selling the commune, leaving everyone else to fend for themselves. The kid who came upon Seth and the lawyer steps out and says he saw Seth burning the deed. Seth says to Linda that he loves her but he loves himself more, which causes George to punch him out. George and Linda reaffirm their love for each other.

Cut to an Atlanta PM news show profiling the commune. Wayne has made it big selling his book and the sequel. His book was published by a small boutique publishing company started by George and Linda. George and Linda’s company sets out to find unknown voices, and has published the book Lift Your Finger, by the real estate broker, and Literally, Money Buys Nothing, by Carvin. Linda even wrote and colored a children’s book with penguin characters, titled I Believe I Can Fly. Wayne’s books are so successful that they’re being made into movies, with Ray Liotta playing the lead. Ray Liotta is shown living naked in the commune. Because of the publicity of the protest, the founders of the commune, who are not dead as Carvin has believed, return to the commune. One of them has a duplicate deed to the property. 

The movie closes in on George and Linda closing the bedroom door in their ample-sized apartment in New York City. As credit roll, we see outtakes from the filming.


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