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SPOILER ARCHIVE
SPY KIDS 3-D

movie trailer (apple.com - quicktime)

NOTE: This spoiler was sent in by Doug S. who says... "The 3-D lacks color but it looks pretty cool. Unfortunately, the rest of the movie is pretty weak compared to the first two installments.

The movie opens with Floop (Alan Cumming) from the first two films explaining the 3-D glasses to us. From there, the movie starts (in 2-D) and we learn that Juni quit the OSS at the end of Spy Kids 2 just like he said he would. He's a private eye now, getting paid five bucks a job to find lost toys and rescue cats in trees. He goes home to the Mega-Treehouse from part 2 to work on some gadgets. He gets a package containing two tiny sharks from Romero (the good-hearted mad scientist fellow from the second film). Gerti Giggles flies in with her helicopter ponytails and asks Juni how things are going, and Juni tells us that his parents are on assignment and he hasn't seen his sister Carmen since Christmas. Gerti advises him to remember that family is more than just blood, everyone is family. Juni dismisses her and says she's not making sense.

Then, the President (George Clooney) sends in a message to the treehouse.

Juni is uninterested until the Pres says Carmen is missing.

Juni goes to OSS HQ and meets up with Donnagon Giggles, the villain of the second film, who now works for the technology division since he was "whipped into shape" by his wife. His wife (Salma Hayek) is in charge of the department and explains to Juni that the popular new online virtual reality game, "Game Over," is a trap. The game goes online in 12 hours, and when it does, the Toymaker, who created the game and is trapped in the virtual world, will trap the minds of the playing children inside the game world, and he'll find a way to escape from his prison into the real world. Carmen tries to go in and stop him, but she's been captured and is trapped somewhere on level four. Juni wants to know why she went in alone. Apparently she wanted Juni to go with her, but Juni's been ignoring all calls from the OSS.

Juni enters the game world to rescue Carmen (at this point, about 15 minutes into the movie, the movie goes into 3-D) and shut down the game before it goes public in 12 hours. Inside, he tries to contact Carmen with telepathy (we don't get told why this might work), but it doesn't happen. He starts to meet some "Beta Testers" - Arnold, who's strong, Rez, who's "cool," and Francis, who's supposed to be smart. He learns about bonuses that float through the game and can give you new powers, and that he has nine points of life, and loses some life whenever he takes damage. He almost immediately is thrown down a hole by one of the beta testers, and drops to 8 points of life. When this happens, the hours on his counter tick down - he has only four and a half hours left now. The computer says that "time flies when you're playing games," apparently showing us that Juni's sense of time is warped here.

When he climbs back out of the hole, another beta tester tells him that if he runs and jumps into a walking target sign, the target will bounce him to the moon, which is Level 2. Juni comments that these games aren't very realistic.

He bounces to the moon. The crash landing makes him lose another point of life. He gets a message from the OSS, telling him he can bring in one more person from the outside as a "lifeline." Juni theorizes that Grandpa's loss of his legs made him drive more energy towards his brainpower and upper body, so he chooses his grandfather. Suddenly, another hour drops off of his counter, and his Grandfather (Ricardo Montalban) appears in his wheelchair. He reveals that he knows the Toymaker from somewhere, and is surprised to be in the same game with this man. He grabs a game power-up for "Mega Legs" and suddenly is able to walk again. However, he's immediately distracted by a butterfly that flies by. Because he somehow knows the butterfly is a camera system for the Toymaker, he chases it. Juni walks off towards an arena on his own.

In his private lair, the Toymaker talks to his three other personalities - a hippie, a scientist, and a military general - and grows annoyed with them, and himself in the process. He reveals that he knows Grandfather Cortez from somewhere, and has some kind of grudge with him.

Juni arrives at the arena and finds that it's a Battle Mech competition in which he has to control a huge robot that he rides in using only his own body movements. If he does this, he can advance. He's given a new "battle suit" for the competition. His opponent is a cute little girl named Demetra - you can tell Juni immediately finds her cute. They fight, and Juni wins after three rounds, but he drops down to four points of life in the process. Then he's launched into the next part of the game, the MegaRace.

At the MegaRace, Juni runs into Arnold, Rez and Francis again. A masked rider shows up a little while later. The MegaRace is a high-speed race that takes place on elevated roads... it's a lot like playing "Extreme G." The three beta-tester boys wonder if Juni might be "The Guy" - apparently if they can find the guy who's on the box cover, he will lead them to victory. Juni insists he needs to find his sister and needs their help. They tell him that if he wins the race, it'll prove he's the Guy, and they'll go with him anywhere.

They race. Arnold knocks Juni off of his bike, but then Grandfather Cortez shows up and catches him. He tosses Juni onto another bike and the race continues. They fall off of a high platform, and then do a huge leap over a multi-story drop. Rez tries to punch Juni off of his bike with an extending boxing love, but Francis tells Juni to grave the glove in mid-air... he does, and Rez falls from his bike. Juni falls off of his after holding on for a while, and grabs a hubcap that flies off of Rez's bike as he tumbles. He skids on the hubcap all the way across the finish line and wins the race.

The masked racer is revealed to be Demetra. The entire group decides that Juni is the Guy. Grandfather shows up and congratulates Juni, then consults with him on their next step.

Another scene of Stallone growing frustrated with his multiple personalities and his own insanity happens. We see Carmen floating in his lair, trapped in a ball of energy, unconscious.

The group of heroes advance to a world of floating platforms on level three. There, Demetra reveals that she knows that Juni is only pretending to be The Guy. She also shows that she has a map of the game, which is against the rules - and any rule-breaking is punishable by a complete game restart. Some "programmers" show up to punish Juni and Demetra for possessing a map, but Grandfather beats them up and they flee.

The Toymaker (Stallone) reveals that he's trying to lead these kids to his lair so they can free him. He intentionally gives Juni a life powerup to bring him back up to maximum health, but Juni, smitten with Demetra, gives her the life to pay her back for the damage he did to her in the Battle Mech arena.

The three beta-boys, Francis, Arnold and Rez, talk about how they want to win the "unwinnable" level five, because if they do, they're supposed to get "untold riches." This is why all the kids in America are going to buy this game, because of the promise of great wealth. Arnold reveals that he needs the riches to save his family from poverty.

The voice of the system announces for the Best Player and the Strongest Player in the group to step up. Juni and Arnold are chosen, respectively. They step onto floating platforms that carry them into the sky. Then they're told to fight, and whoever loses will get an automatic game over. Both of them are given staffs to duel with. Juni says he has to save his sister, and Arnold insists he has to save his family from poverty... so both are unwilling to back down. They fight, and Arnold is the superior fighter, twirling his staff and slamming Juni down repeatedly. With each swipe, he takes off more of Juni's life, until he's down to just one point of life. Then he is slammed backwards one more time, and he drops down to... .5 points of life! At this, Arnold raises his staff for the killing blow, but Demetra executes a "tag" to rescue Juni. She goes into battle in his place and is "killed" by Arnold, resulting in a Game Over. Juni laments that he never even got her e-mail address, and Arnold apologies that he had no choice.

The crew steps forward into another realm of floating platforms in the sky, this time in the form of narrow, slowly crumbling walkways. They move along these as they learn they are on level four. Juni realizes this is where the hunt for Carmen should start.

In the Toymaker's lair, Stallone decides that they need more help on getting to his location. He decides to release Carmen.

Back on level four, Juni tries to contact Carmen with telepathy. This time, she hears him, and she's also standing right there! Carmen appears to the group and both Juni and she exchange greetings and pleasantries. She meets the beta-boys (Rez tries to hit on her, but she tells him to back off) and they continue to search for level five and the exit.

Carmen quietly talks to Juni as they walk, commenting on how he brought Grandfather into the game. She warns him that the Toymaker is the man who put Grandfather in a wheelchair 30 years ago, paralyzing him permanently. Both of them fear that he'll try to go to the Toymaker's lair for revenge and free him in the process, and they promise to keep a close eye on him.

They reach a cliff that leads down to a wide river of lava. Carmen warns them that lava means an instant Game Over regardless of life points. They decide to go another way.

Back in his lair, the Toymaker is frustrated that they are again going the wrong way. He decides to force them to go his way.

He unleashes a horde of "Tinker Toys," little metal munch-mouths with razor teeth that chase our heroes. They all run back towards the lava river. Juni asks Francis if, considering the choice, it's smarter to go against lava or tinker toys. Francis says it's lava, for sure.

Carmen dives off the cliff and smashes against the rocks on the way down to the lava river, breaking off a slab of rock. She manuvers it under her and uses it as a surfboard, surfing down the river on the rock slab. The other boys all follow suit.

Back in OSS, the Giggles spouses realize that they're being directed by the Toymaker to go wherever he wants. They realize that they need to force the heroes out of the game, because releasing the Toymaker now is the worst possible scenario, and there's a good chance they'll make it the entire distance. Donnagan is ordered to infiltrate the program to cause some havoc in the lava that will drown them.

A lava monster rises up and smashes into the heroes. One by one, they all fall, first the three boys, then Carmen is smashed into the lava... then Juni goes flying and splats.

Back in the OSS, the Giggles spouses wonder why the Cortez kids haven't woken up from the VR yet.

As it turns out, the lava was a fake. It was just colored water, and it's cold... underwater, Juni and Carmen communicate telepathically, Carmen pointing the way to an underwater doorway. The beta-boys lead the way through the entry. Grandfather seems to have gone missing since the lava incident?

In an underwater cave, the group finds a huge door leading to level five. As the Cortezes inspect the door, Francis and Rez whisper to teach other about how Juni may not be the guy - in fact, they think he's The Deceiver, a person mentioned in the game manual as leading the group towards certain doom. When Carmen mentions that they intend to shut the game down, something that Juni had not brought up at this point, the jig is up. The beta-boys turn on the Cortezes and no longer want to follow them, but then a light appears behind them...

...it's Elijah Wood! He claims he's the ACTUAL Guy. He blows the door open and tells them that this level is not going to be unwinnable if they work together. Everyone is thrilled and follows him through the door... where he's immediately zapped by an electrical bolt and killed. The beta-boys inform Juni that he's The Guy once again. D'oh!

Upon walking through the door to Level 5, Juni and Carmen are greeted by... Demetra! She wants to help them find the shutdown switch. Juni is shocked and asks how she could still be in the game. Demetra tells him there must have been a glitch. Carmen figures out the truth, however... she tells Juni that Demetra's not real, she's The Deceiver — she's been helping Juni all along because she's leading him to the Toymaker. Juni doesn't want to believe it at first, but his eyes reveal that he knows its true. Sure enough, Carmen walks up and swings her hand through the projection of Demetra. Juni walks up and does the same, and is greatly disappointed. Demetra apologizes, and a huge pincer-bearing robot attacks.

Juni and Carmen run around and look for the switch to shut down the game, as electricity courtesy of the evil robot attempts to kill them with one shot. They dodge as they hunt. Carmen finds the exit doorway, but can't find the switch for turning off the game. Grandfather appears and holds the exit door switch open for them, and tells them he's already hit the shutdown switch! They all race through the door, and Demetra shuts down the door right down on the pincer of the robot, saving them all from its clutching claws. Demetra cries a single digital tear over the whole ordeal with Juni. She seemingly really cared about him after all.

Save in the exit passage, the beta-boys give Carmen their e-mail addresses in one last attempt to hit on her, then exit the game. Carmen exits next. Grandfather doesn't want to leave his legs behind, he says he can't bear to lose the way that Juni looks at him like he's a superhero right now. Juni promises him that he won't. Grandfather tells him to remember that on the inside, he always feels the powerful way he looks right now. They leave the game.

Back in the OSS HQ, the movie finally returns to 2-D (and Donnagan makes a joke about the effect the game can have on your eyes). The OSS crew bring in the real-world beta-boys, who look somewhat different (at least in dress, hair and presentation - the bodies are the same) from their virtual counterparts. They are impressed to learn that Juni's just as heroic in real life!

The Giggles spouses are confused — they remark that the game is shut down, but something doesn't seem right, they can't find the Toymaker. Donnagan wants to make sure they flipped the right switch, because the switch to release the Toymaker is right next to the Shutdown switch! Grandfather reveals that he DID release the Toymaker - but he did it on purpose, for his own reasons! Then a message comes in from the president (George Clooney again), but he isn't really the President, and he quickly transforms into the Toymaker, reborn. There's no chance for Grandfather to explain his reasons for his actions when the HQ is rocked by an earthquake.

Juni and Carmen rush outside in their street clothes. We're back to 3-D once again! Carmen is still wearing her VR glasses, and through them, she can see that the game has been unleashed into the real world - gigantic evil robots are attempting to destroy the city! Juni puts on his glasses and they try to fight one robot off, but they quickly realize they need help. Juni calls into his watch for all Cortezes to come in...

We cut to Gregorio Cortez (Antonio Banderas) in his huge office as the head of the OSS. He's working on "the fifth brain," the ultimate upgrade to his "third brain" invention from the first film. He talks to himself about how this is the pinnacle of his entire life... but then he gets a message that his children need his help. Immediately, he smashes everything on the table and races to the rescue on rocket boots.

Appearing on his rocket boots, Gregorio begins to execute kung-fu manuvers on the huge robot before him. Ingrid Cortez, his wife (Carla Guigino) appears on her own rocket boots to help. So does Grandmother Cortez, and Grandfather in a rocket wheelchair. Uncle Machete (Danny Trejo) and "Uncle" Felix (Cheech Marin) ride to the rescue as well. Juni and Carmen give them all VR glasses to see the attackers. But as Juni and Carmen look out over the city, they realize that they need a lot more help to fight all of the many robots that they now face! Juni suddenly remembers Gerti's words to him... EVERYONE is family... and he speaks into his comm-watch, telling the OSS to call in everybody!

Suddenly, every major character from the first two films begins to descend on rocket boots of their own! Floop appears along with Alexander Minion (the villain-turned-Fooglie of the first movie). Dinky Winks (Bill Paxton), the amusement-park guru from Spy Kids 2, appears along with his son Dinky Winks Jr. (played by James Paxton). Winks declares he'd love some of this robot technology for his theme park. Romero the scientist from part two rides in on his flying pig (the Spork). Gerti Giggles shows up, and Carmen uses her own watch to call on Gary Giggles, who apparently has reformed and gone good since the last movie. He also arrives to help, and both he and Carmen exchange nervous "hellos," a callback to their flirty relationship.

The heroes take down all the robots except for one, with Toymaker at the helm. Grandfather rockets up to cockpit to talk to the Toymaker. He begins to tell him all the suffering he went through, all the things he lost when he lost his legs... but he also tells him the things he gained, things like spirituality and humility. He tells the Toymaker that he didn't want to see him to exact vengeance, he simply wanted to give him forgiveness. The Toymaker is shocked, and declares that that's the last thing he ever expected to get from him. The Toymaker stops his attack and join the numerous heroes down below. The group stands united now as a team and a family... as our movie ends.

During the credits, a blooper reel airs. After the credits, clips from the audition tapes of Daryl Sabara (Juni) and Alexa Vega (Carmen) for the very first Spy Kids movie are shown.

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