We open to a suburban house where two teenage friends Trudie and Sherrie are popping some popcorn about to watch a scary movie. Trudie picked out Saw 4 which Sherrie said was terrible, with no character development and a bunch of dismembered limbs. Trudie says she likes how Jigsaw kills people. Just then she gets a call. The voice on the other end wants to know who he is talking to. Trudie thinks it is a prank and hangs up.
Sherrie begins to talk about her Face book stalker and how he is very hot. Trudie looks at the photo and says it is a fake. Trudie's phone rings again but she won't pick up. Sherrie gets a post telling her to pick up the phone. They answer and are threatened by the killer. Trudie hangs up again. Sherrie gets another text saying he is outside the door. Still, Trudie thinks it is all bullshit and opens the door to find no one there. She faces her friend, then has her throat slit by a Ghostface killer. Sherrie screams only to turn around and be killed by another Ghostface.
Title screens come up. It's actually the pre-title sequence of Stab 6 (the movies based off the Woodsboro murders). Two friends, Rachel (Anna Paquin) and Chloe (Kristen Bell) are watching it. Rachel is less than impressed, saying the movies just rehash the same stereotypes over and over. Chloe listens only to suddenly stab her friend with a large knife. Rachel asks why as she spits up blood. Chloe says "Because you talk too much."
Title screens come up. That was the pre-title sequence for Stab 7. Now finally in the real world, we find ourselves with Marnie Cooper (Brittany Robertson) and Jenny Randall (Aimme Teegarden). Marnie cannot understand why Jenny loves these movies. Jenny says because they are based on real events. Well the first three are; then Sidney Prescott sued them so they began making stuff up. "The fifth one had time travel, which was the worse one." Jenny says.
Jenny hears a sound upstairs and goes to investigate. Marnie says Jenny is trying to mess with her but Jenny denies it. Jenny goes up to her room and sees that a window is open and concludes that is where the noise came from. She calls her friend on the home phone with the "Ghostface App" that makes her sound like the killer only to crack up laughing. Marnie berates her friend for her sick joke as Jenny suddenly hears the line go dead.
Jenny goes downstairs and sees the phone on the ground, thinking Marnie is starting a joke of her own. "Next you will want me to go by an open doorway so you can pop out." Jenny says, not convinced. The home phone rings and Jenny picks up. The voice is the true killer. He tells Jenny she is now part of a movie. Jenny asks about Marnie. He says her part "got cut back." Jenny is the hot blond with the big breasts that gets carved up. To prove he is not joking, the killer throws Marnie's corpse through a glass door. Jenny realizes her friend is dead and starts to run as the killer enters the house.
Jenny runs for the front door but can't get the latch off in time. She then races upstairs and down a hallway where she thinks Ghostface can't find her. She goes down a staircase that follows into the unfurnished garage. She is suddenly stabbed in the back and tumbles down the steps. She pulls herself up and hits the garage opener that opens the door a crack. She begins to crawl desperate to get out. The killer walks slowly behind her and reverses the door. It slams down on Jenny, severely injuring her back. The killer pulls her back in and turns her on her back. At her screaming pleads, Ghostface brings the knife down hard.
Cue title sequence.
We now find ourselves in the middle of Woodsboro. The original murders are now a sort of cult holiday around there and kids have put Ghostface figures on all lampposts in the city.
Dewey (David Arquette) gets a call on his cell and realizes it is time to go to work. He gets ready while his wife Gale (Courtney Cox) sleeps.
As Dewey goes to leave he sees local teen Kirby (Hayden Panettierre) speeding and he warns her to slow down. Kirby corrects this and picks up friends Jill Roberts (Emma Roberts) and Olivia Morris (Marialle Jaffe). They drive off to school. Kirby and Olivia tell Jill that her ex boyfriend Trevor called them asking about her. Jill and him had just broken up because he cheated on her and he is trying to reconcile. Olivia asks about Jill's cousin Sidney Prescott (Neve Campbell) liking her to the Angel of Death because everyone around her usually dies. Jill gets a call from Jenny's phone only for another voice to pick up and threaten her. Jill thinks its sick and hangs up; Olivia says she got a similar call from Marnie's number.
Sidney has come to Woodsboro on the last stop on her book tour. She wrote a self help book detailing her pain involving the murder sprees and her drive to not let herself be destroyed by them. Her overzealous publicist Rebbecca Walters (Allison Brie) is with her in order to make things go smoothly.
Dewey arrives in the middle of town where Deputy Hicks (Marley Shelton) is helping take down the Ghostface symbols off the lampposts. "One generation's tragedy is another ones joke." Dewey says sadly (his sister was killed in the original rampage). Dewey gets a call from another deputy. There has been a murder at the Randall residence.
Gale gets up and watches a TV interview with Sidney and smiles. She tries to begin her first chapter of a fiction novel but doesn't know what to write about. She is a reporter at heart and she gave most of it up to marry Dewey. Gale sighs.
At the book signing, Sidney is doing a reading and signing. Gale shows up and the friends hug and talk about life. Suddenly, Dewey and his deputies arrive telling no one can leave. The place is a potential crime scene. There was a murder and a phone has been triangulated to this location. They call the number only for it to beep outside, in a trunk of a vehicle, Sidney's rental. They open it to find the phone and several photos of her bloodstained and knife close to her face. Sidney is obviously worried.
At school Jill and her friends get stopped by the local film geeks Robbie (Erik Knudsen) and Charlie (Rory Culkin). Robbie wears a camera on a headset at all times to capture a real time blog which annoys the girls. Charlie tries to make a pass at Kirby which she kind of brushes off. Charlie knows she likes him, but Robbie says Kirby is playing him.
At her locker, Jill tells Kirby it is obvious that Charlie likes her. Kirby says she knows; she just likes to toy with him. Jill is confronted by Trevor that tries to make amends but Jill says he doesn't get to be with her and she gives him "everything" only for him to date someone else. Jill leaves in a huff.
In class, everybody's phone goes off. The entire class finds out Jenny and Marnie have been murdered. A panic is forming.
Gale talks to Robbie and Charlie saying they should work together since Gale knows the old school rules and they are the new generation. Robbie and Charlie request that Sidney make an appearance at their film club.
Gale goes to the police station and tries to talk to Dewey but is held off by Hicks. Gale tells Hicks that she "wrote the book" on this investigation and for her to step aside. Dewey comes out; the witness he was talking to was Sidney. Dewey also speaks to Jill, Kirby, and Olivia about the calls they got. Dewey tells Sidney he will arrange for 24 hour security for her and family's safety.
At the Robert's household, they are protected by Perkins (Anthony Anderson) and Hoss (Adam Brody) who watch the house and do routine patrols. Sidney talks to Kate (Mary Mcdonnell), Jill's mother, with Kirby standing nearby. Kirby wonders how many scars Sidney has from escaping death so many times. Kate says Sidney's mom was her sister so she has scars too. Kirby apologizes for the callous statement but they brush it off.
Jill goes upstairs and finds Trevor there. He says he sneaked past the cops and is trying to make amends. Jill will have none of it. Sidney comes up and Trevor leaves through the window. Sidney says Jill reminds her so much of herself.Later, Jill and Kirby are watching a zombie movie when Olivia comes home and calls them (she lives right next door). Jill offers for her to come up but Olivia says she will be fine. She goes upstairs while still talking to Jill. Kirby gets a call on her cell phone from Trevor's number. It's not Trevor but the Killer. He tells Kirby he's in the closest and despite Jill's protests, opens it to find nothing. "I knew you weren't in there." Kirby retorts.
"I didn't say WHICH closest I was in." The killer says. The girls look over in shock. He's in Olivia's room. They see her get stabbed in the back and scream. Olivia tries to get away but is stabbed again and thrown on the bed. Ghostface has his way with her, stabbing her several times. Sidney hears Jill and Kirby screaming and goes to investigate. Realizing what is happening she rushes outside to find the cops gone. She breaks into Olivia's home and goes up the stairs.
Sidney finds Olivia's room a blood bath with Olivia on the bed with her guts laying on the sheets. She turns around to find Jill there, telling her not to look. Ghost pops up and tries to stab them. Sidney pushes Jill out of the way, but she still gets grazed. Sidney kicks Ghostface down the stairs and continues to fight him, apparently knocking him out. Perkins and Hoss come in but by the time they did, the killer has escaped. Dewey is livid that his deputies weren't there, but Hoss and Perkins saw something are were checking it out when it happened. They feel terrible that it happened on their watch.
Sidney and Jill go to the hospital where their wounds are looked over. Rebbecca talks to Sidney and tells her that due to the coverage of the new murders, she has negotiated a three book deal for Sidney with the advance amount is up to her. As soon as the investigation wraps up, they will go back to New York and hit the talk show circuit. Sidney asks "Do you even read my book?" Rebbecca says she was waiting for the movie. Rebbecca tries to make Sidney see that she has to embrace her past of being a victim because that is what she is about. Her book will help a million more lost souls and gets her plenty of money. Sidney is aghast that Rebbecca is making light of her personal tragedy, the readers that look up to her, and the newly deceased for money. Sidney fires her right on the spot for her heartlessness.
Rebbecca walks to her car confident that Sidney will apologize within a day. She gets a call and thinks it is someone trying to set up an appearance. She says she is in the hospital and asks if she can take a message. "Yeah, I got a message for Sidney. YOU'RE her message." Rebbecca is frightened. Ghostface says she isn't in the hospital but rather an abandoned parking garage. She runs to the car but it won't start. Ghostface jumps on the hood and shows he cut the wires. He races off and Rebbecca realizes she is a sitting duck in the car. She carefully leaves the car and runs for the exit. The door is locked though and the handle breaks off in her hand. Ghostface catches up to her and kills her with a single stab.
Nearby, Dewey is giving a press conference saying the police squad is investigating several leads in the new murders. Gale tries to ask a question but Dewey deflects her. Just as Dewey says everything is fine, the killer drops Rebecca's corpse on a news van. Dewey makes his deputies investigate for the killer but they find no one in the building. Gale tells Dewey she has a lead and she is going to follow it up on her own.
Back at home, Sidney talks to Jill. Sidney says when people usually say "I know how you feel" they don't actually have a clue what the other person is going through. "I know how you feel." Sidney tells Jill, saying she's sorry about Olivia. Jill says she is sorry about Rebbecca. Jill goes back upstairs.
The next day at the film club, Gale and Sidney show up in order to get more info. Charlie deduces that the killer is following the rules of a remake/reboot and thus is upping the ante from the original films. In fact the only way to be totally safe according to the rules is to be gay. The next logical step in the new spree would to actually film the murders. Charlie realizes it looks like he's implicating Robbie, and quickly backpedals. They look at the original spree, which culminated in a house party massacre. The only logical thing would for that to happen here too. Gale asks about what is going on tonight and Charlie says they are having a "Stab" marathon at an undisclosed location. Gale presses for the address but the kids won't give it up. Gale and Sidney leave when they don't.
That night, Kirby has gone to the "Stabathon" at an old barn in the outskirts of town. Jill couldn't go because her mom is freaking out so Kirby promises to drink for both of them. Gale has snuck in, using a Ghostface mask to disguise herself. She plants several cameras around the barn. Going back outside, she is shocked to see them covered up. She realizes that the killer is there. She calls Dewey and tells him the killer is at the barn, ready to strike. See is going back in to fix her cameras. Dewey is shocked and races for the barn, calling for backup.
Meanwhile, back at the Robert's residence, Sidney is by herself with Jill upstairs. She hears a noise outside and goes to look. The wind chimes got tangled up so Sidney puts them down nearby. She hears them chime again but it is only her aunt with groceries. Kate says she has one more bag and goes to retrieve it.
Perkins and Hoss are talking about cops in movies and how they always die or have a bad day. "Look at Bruce Willis in Die Hard." Hoss says. Perkins says he will take the next patrol and be right back then realizes it was bad word choice. Hoss laughs it off and volunteers to go. Hoss looks around the house and notices an open window. He calls Perkins and gets no response. He finds Perkins slumped over the wheel. Perkins screams and laughs; it was a joke. "You should of seen the look on your face--" Perkins begins to say but is interrupted by Ghostface stabbing Hoss to death. Ghostface then quickly stabs Perkins in the head, blood gushing out. Perkins gets out the car trying to do something, anything but cannot think with a stab wound in his BRAIN. He stumbles to the ground dead, his final words being "Fuck Bruce Willis."
Sidney gets a call. It's the killer taunting her about always being the survivor and that "family ties will do you in." Sidney hangs up and races up to find Jill. Jill is gone; she Instant messaged Kirby to pick her up. She races back downstairs and tells Kate Jill is gone. Kate says she didn't see the cops and as they try to leave out the back, the killer appears. They try to leave out the front when the killer tries to get in that way too. They force the door closed but Ghostface stabs Kate through the mail slot. "Tell Jill I'm sorry." Kate says before dying. Sidney rushes to save her cousin when Hicks arrives asking what happened. Sidney says Jill is gone and Kate is dead. Hicks calls it in, and Sidney rushes off to save Jill.
Meanwhile, back at the barn, Dewey arrives to find Gale. He sees her car and the camera set up. Gale is returning the cameras back to where they were when she sees another web cam. As she looks at it, Ghostface comes up behind her which Dewey sees via the camera. Ghostface fights with Gale and stabs her in the shoulder. As he goes for the killing blow, Dewey shows up and shoots at the killer, stopping him and making the party goers leave in a panic. Dewey gets Gale to a hospital where she tells him to "Get that motherfucker." Dewey promises to.
At Kirby's house, Kirby is there with Jill, Charlie, and Robbie. They half joke that since this is reboot rules, the barn party was the "false ending". Charlie puts in Stab 7 to continue the marathon. Trevor shows up, claiming that Jill sent him a text to come by. Kirby doesn't want him there and Jill claims she sent no text to him. Jill goes upstairs mad again, and Trevor follows her.
Dewey gets a call from Hicks finding out Kate Roberts has been killed and Sidney has run off. He turns his car around and races in the opposite direction.
Robbie gets drunk and goes outside, doing another podcast, saying that his buddy Charlie might actually get somewhere with a girl. Inside, Kirby knocks Charlie out of his "Stab" trance and tells him he should probably make a move. Charlie asks why doesn't she. She says she already did. Kirby tells Charlie she always thought he was cute and kisses him. Trevor busts in and ruins the moment. Charlie leaves the room angry.
Robbie continues to blog but realizes at the front door he had the camera turned wrong. As he looks at his phone to check the picture, Ghostface opens up the door and stabs him. Robbie is shocked and crawls away. He tells Ghostface that he can't die because the rules don't state it. "I'm Gay...if that helps." Robbie is stabbed again.
Kirby goes to check on Jill who comes down the stairs. Kirby asks where Trevor is. Jill says he's not upstairs. There's a knock at the door, it's Sidney who tells them they are in danger. Just then Robbie crawls onto the porch for his final death gurgles. Jill and Sidney are chased upstairs by Ghostface to Kirby's bedroom which Ghostface is trying to breakdown. The only way out is the balcony roof which is two stories down. Sidney tells Jill to hide under the bed and she'll cover for her. Ghostface breaks through but Sidney is on the roof already yelling for Jill to get help (acting like she escaped). Ghostface joins her their but Sidney is able to get a call to Dewey giving him their location and he sends the entire force after them. Sidney is surprised by Ghostface and almost falls off the house. She is forced to let go when Ghostface tries to stab her.
Sidney goes back inside and finds Kirby. They go downstairs to hide when they see Charlie outside, pleading to be let in. His hand is covered in blood, but he says he found Robbie dead. Sidney tells Kirby "If you can't trust him, don't let him in." Charlie pleads with Kirby but she refuses to let him. He is grabbed and the lights go out. When they turned back on, Charlie is strapped to a chair and a call is coming from his cell. Kirby talks to the killer while Sidney goes to find Jill.
The killer asks Kirby a series of horror questions culminating with a remake question, to which Kirby lists off every horror remake. The killer doesn't respond, so she takes it as a sign that she won his freedom. She goes outside to free Charlie. Just after she gets his leg restraints off, Charlie stands up and stabs her forcefully with a large knife. Kirby groans in pain and Charlie retorts "I'm sorry it isn't as quick as the movies." Charlie rages at Kirby saying she had four years to notice him and she took her shot now? "It's too late." he says. He removes the knife and leaves her to bleed out.
Sidney gets up the stairs and is grabbed by Charlie who wraps his body around her. Sidney knocks him off and races for the door only to be stabbed by a second Ghostface. The Ghostface takes off its mask and reveals to be...JILL.
They dragged the wounded Sidney into the kitchen. Charlie says he got great footage of Robbie's death to which Jill smiles. Sidney cannot understand why her cousin would want to be a killer. Jill and Charlie explain via reboot rules they are in place of the two original heroes. Jill (for Sidney) and Charlie (for Randy). Only this time they are the killers. Jill pulls out a tied up Trevor. He's supposed to be the new generation Billy Loomis (a stand in for Sidney's psycho boyfriend). Jill says they are going to blame all the murders on him, a guy that pretended to loved her, "fucked her" and then tried to kill her. Just like Billy did to Sidney. Trevor tries to plead with Jill but she shoots him in the nuts with Perkins gun. "I am not the girl you cheat on." she screams, then shoots him in the head.
Charlie explains the scheme further. They filmed every murder. Everything is web based now. No one reads anymore. They will now be the two stars, the "two surviving heroes" Charlie says kissing Jill. It is clear she seduced him a while back. Charlie readies himself for his wounding blow so they can build a narrative about being attacked. Jill stabs him but not in the shoulder but in the heart. Charlie says that is not what they discussed as he bleeds out. But Sidney says he was NOT Randy but rather Stu Macher, just another patsy. Charlie slumps to the ground dead.
Jill congratulates Sidney on her deduction. She explains she will be the final girl, the hero just like Sidney was. Sidney has no idea how hard it was growing up when her family could only talk about her. She even killed her own mother to fit in with the profile. Now with Sidney dead, and Jill as the surviving hero, she can finally have her own fame. She will "become" Sidney. What was she going to do, go to college and live with a normal life and work? Jill says she realized people get famous all the time for doing absolutely nothing; bad stuff just has to happen to them. Jill stabs Sidney one last time, and Sidney falls to the ground.
Jill begins to build the narrative, using Trevor's dead hand to scratch her and pull out her hair. She stabs herself in the shoulder and breaks several thing to constitute a struggle. Dewey and the cops arrive having no idea what occurred. Jill is rolled out on the stretcher, being bombarded with reporter questions. She is the new star now, just like she wanted.
Dewey visits her in the hospital. Jill jokes that when she writes a book, Gale can help since they have "similar stab wounds." Dewey tells her Sidney might pull through. Jill is shocked pretending that she saw Trevor kill her, but Dewey says Sidney might pull through. Dewey leaves and Jill pulls out her hospital IV's. She has work to finish.
Dewey goes to see Gale and tells her about Jill and the matching stab wound comment. Gale asks if she got stabbed in the shoulder too which Dewey confirms. "How do she know we had the same wound?" Gale asks. Dewey puts the pieces together and rushes to Sidney's room.
Sidney is sleeping when Jill enters the room and begins to strangle her. "You just won't die will you?" Jill says. Sidney tumbles out of the bed and Jill disturbs her wound making her bleed. Dewey comes in and Jill hides in a closest, carrying a bed pan. With Dewey behind her, she strikes, hitting him repeatedly until he is knocked out. Jill grabs Dewey's gun and points it at Sidney. She mocks Sidney saying the rightful end point was back at the house. This back and forth here now is just silly.
Just as she is about to fire, Gale comes in and tries to talk to her about the book. Jill says she guesses she'll have to write it alone. Just as she shoots at Gale, Hicks dives in and saves her. She and Gale hide behind a bed. Jill tells Hicks to give over her gun or she'll shoot Dewey in the head. Hicks gives it up and Jill shoots her in the chest. She orders Gale up while Sidney powers on a defibrillator behind her back. "Can I have a final word?" Gale asks. "What?" Jill asks. "Clear." Gale says. "Clear?" Jill ponders. The defibrillator charges to 360 Joules and Sidney places the paddles on each side of Jill's head and fries her. "Clear." Sidney says.
Sidney collapses to the ground just as Dewey starts to wake up. Dewey says she came up behind her, and Gale says they usually do. Somehow Jill has survived the jolt and has picked up a shard of sharp glass. Sidney suspecting something is wrong, turns around and fires the gun, hitting Jill dead center. Jill hits the ground, dead for good this time.
Hicks rises up and Gale is shocked that she survived. Hicks shows she wore a bulletproof vest. "Wear the vest to save the chest." Hicks says before passing out. Dewey calls for help as Sidney lays next to her dead cousin. "I don't know about you, but I feel a lot better." Sidney says not without a tinge of sadness. The madness has stopped again but with a Pyrrhic cost; Sidney has lost more family members and now has only her father (if that; there is no mention if her dad is still alive).
The final scene is outside the hospital where the newscaster are reporting about Jill Roberts, the "hero" that stopped the new Woodsboro murders. The final shot is a close up of Jill's dead eyes as we realize the shock the town is about to face in that their supposed savior was actually the mastermind behind the murders.
*CUT TO THE CHASE*
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Ultra Short: Jill (Emma Roberts) and Charlie (Rory Culkin) are the killers. Jill kills Charlie, Sidney (Neve Campbell) kills Jill.
Regular Short: Jill (Emma Roberts), Sidney's (Neve Campbell) cousin, and Charlie (Rory Culkin), one of the biggest movie geeks in school, are the killers. They recorded all of the murders with the plan of framing Sidney and Jill's ex-boyfriend Trevor (Nico Tortorella) for the crime. But Jill turns on Charlie, killing him, explaining to Sidney that her real motivation is to gain the same sort of fame that Sidney did after the events of the previous films. She stabs Sidney and stages a crime scene. Jill is taken to the hospital, where Dewey (David Arquette) informs her that Sidney survived her wounds. Panicked, Jill goes to Sidney's room and attempts to murder her. Meanwhile, Dewey and his wife Gale (Courtney Cox) have figured out that Jill is the murderer, and they all wind up in a confrontation. In the end, Sidney shocks Jill with a defibrillator, then shoots and kills her. Outside the hospital, a group of reporters mistakenly report that Jill is a hero.
Thanks for the "Pooper", James F.
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