12 CDs for the Price of 1!

The Santa
Clause (1994)
Miracle on
34th Street


movie trailer (apple.com - quicktime)

NOTE: Another great spoiler sent in by Brentage5000.

The film starts in mid-air above the North Pole on a military plane. The guy who's manning the sonar says that he's getting something weird on the sonar. That something is coming from Santa's workshop. We go down below to see Bernard (David Krumholtz), Santa's head elf, running crisis control to avoid their detection by the outside world. Santa (Tim Allen) comes in and figures out that the problem is someone is listening to christmas carols, and that someone is Curtis (Spencer Breslin). After turning the music off and getting rid of the plane, Curtis tells Santa that he was only following the rules, which state that all elves should listen to christmas carols. While Santa is listening to this, he is going around the workshop making sure that everything is running in tip-top shape. Eventually, Bernard pulls Curtis aside and asks him if he's told Santa some bad news yet. Curtis looks embarassed and says no.

The scene changes to outside a high school in Illinois. On the roof, we see Charlie Calvin (Eric Lloyd) preparing to break into the school. Acting as lookout is Charlie's would-be girlfriend. As he's setting up to rappel down into the school gym to graffiti some walls, the girl asks Charlie about his dad and what he does. Charlie just brushes the quesiton aside, because his dad, Scott Calvin, and Santa are the same guy. See, eight years ago, the last Santa fell off of Scott's roof while Charlie was visiting him (Scott and Charlie's mom Laura are divorced). Scott was convinced by Charlie to put the Santa suit on, and in so doing he becamne the new Santa Claus. After a failed attempt at a kiss, Charlie goes down into the gym and starts spray painting the walls of the gym. Eventually he manages to make them say that the principal, Carol Newman (Elizabeth Mitchell), is equal to no Christmas because she won't let the students put up Christmas decorations. Unfortunately, Charlie gets caught by Carol just as he's putting the finishing touches on.

Back at the North Pole, Santa/Scott is in the middle of a game of football. While he's playing, Bernard tells Curtis that he has to tell Santa the bad news. Santa finishes the game, almost gets run over by an inexperienced flying reindeer named Chet, and is told by Bernard that they need to talk. They go to Santa's office, where a little girl elf named Terry serves them exotic cocoa. We also find out that Santa is mysteriously losing weight and beard length. Santa/Scott says that he knows there's bad news, because otherwise they wouldn't be serving exotic cocoa. Bernard says that the bad news is that Charlie is on the naughty list. He also tells Santa that he has four weeks to get married, and if he doesn't, then there will be no more Santa. The proof of this is his losing weight, which he calls "desantafication."

This news is quite a shock to Santa, because he has supposedly increased christmas greatness by 86%. Now he has to leave the pole and go looking for a wife. At a meeting of the different "fables" (The Tooth Fairy, The Sandman, Mother Nature, Father Time, Cupid, and Santa), Santa asks if any of them has advice. They say that he must leave and find someone to run things for him. Also, we find out that The Tooth Fairy is trying on new names, among them "Ron" and "The Molarnator." He asks Bernard to run things, but Bernard says no, and then Curtis comes up with the idea of creating a clone Santa. They pull it off, but the clone has a few problems - it talks too loud, laughs too much, and has a skin which looks like plastic. Regardless, Santa convinces Bernard to put up with it until he can get back. After packing a few things, Santa mounts comet and heads for Charlie. Before he leaves, though, Santa gets a watch from Bernard which measures how much time he has left before the deadline and how much magic he has left - he has ten points of magic to use, and if that counter gets to zero, then he can't come back.

When Scott arrives at Charlie's school, he is greeted by Laura (Wendy Crewson) and her new husband Neil (Judge Reinhold). As the three are talking, they are approached by Carol. She starts telling Scott about Charlie, but stops to intimidate a student who was riding his skateboard through the halls. They make their way to Carol's office, and Scott manages to get Charlie at least partially off the hook. From there, they go to Neil and Laura's house, where their daughter Lucy (Liliana Mumy) is waiting to say hi to her Uncle Scott. Scott tells them about his little problems, and Charlie mentions that there are a lot of desperate single mothers with kids at the school. He also says that the mall could be a good place to meet some women.

Meanwhile at the North Pole, Bernard and Curtis are trying desperately to get the Santa clone to behave like the regular Santa. Unfortunately, the clone found a Santa rule book and is turning the North Pole into a kind of fascist government. He even creates an army of tin soldiers to help enforce his word, and eventually places Bernard under house arrest. Back in Illinois, things aren't going much better. Scott just had a disastrous date with a Shania Twain wannabe and Charlie has grafftied some lockers in protest of Carol's continuing crackdown against christmas. Scott shows up and manages to keep Charlie from getting suspended. Instead, Charlie has to do some community service by cleaning up graffiti on public property. That weekend, Scott shows up to see the kids cleaning up, and he and Carol start talking. While they're talking, a little girl comes up to Scott and says that she's been very good this year. Scott does some gladhandling of her and promises her that she'll have a very good christmas. As Scott and Carol are walking away, Carol asks how Scott knew the girl's name, and Scott, thinking quick, says that the girl had one of those name-necklaces. Carol walks away, and Scott looks at his watch. The magic dial on it has slipped down a notch.

A couple nights later, Scott is standing outside Carol's house. He knocks on the door, and she invites him in. He tries to ask her out, but she says the only kind of date she'd take is a dinner of thin crust pizza and a movie. They find out that they like the same movies and cars, and eventually she asks Scott to be her date for the faculty Christmas party. He says yes, and he has a surprise for her. Outside is a horse drawn carriage waiting to take them to the party.

On the way there, Carol tells Scott that her parents fought a lot, but every Christmas they would be nice just for her. This lasted until she came home after a fight one day with a lot of bruises and her parents told her to grow up. Later, at the so-called party, everyone is just standing around drinking, and Scott decides to break out the magic and does a "secret Santa" thing, giving all the teachers and faculty gifts that they loved as children. He even gives Carol a baby doll which causes her to ask him how he did all this, but of course he doesn't tell her.

He does, however, make some mistletoe appear above them and kisses Carol.

A couple of nights later, Charlie and two of his friends are outside Carol's house. They throw a bunch of snowballs at it, then they hide behind a drift. They hear a door open, and out comes...Scott. He just yells out at whoever three the snowballs to go home and have a merry christmas, and then he goes back inside. Once inside, he resolves to tell Carol who he is. Unfortunately, this backfires and she ends up kicking him out.

Now Scott is really depressed, and his relationship with Charlie has gone down since Charlie found out about Scott and Carol. One night, Scott is playing Go Fish with Lucy when Scott hears a crash. He ignores it and goes to get some cocoa. Someone knocks at the door, and Lucy answers it. It's Curtis. He tells Lucy that he's from Buffalo, NY, and he needs to talk to Scott. Scott sends Lucy to bed and Curtis tells Scott everything the clone Santa has done and that the clone is planning to give coal to everyone for Christmas. Scott and Curtis head to the yard to ride Comet back, but instead they find that he has pigged out on chocolate bars and is in no shape to fly. Their next plan involves pulling out one of Scott's teeth so that the Tooth Fairy will come and give them a ride up. To get the tooth, they try the slamming-the-door method of getting teeth out. All that happens is the knob comes off and hits Scott in the head. Neil comes out of his room to see what's going on, and after being briefed, he trys to use the dropping-a-toaster method. This doesn't work either, but fortunately, one of Lucy's teeth has just fallen out. She puts it under her pillow, and of course the Tooth Fairy comes. Scott pulls him aside, is able to convince the Tooth Fairy who he is, and he and Spencer get a lift up to the pole. Unfortunately, once they get there, Spencer and Scott are taken hostage by the army of tin soldiers. While the clone Santa tells them his plan, Charlie is talking to Carol. He tells her the whole story, and shows her a snow globe he got from Bernard the night his dad first became Santa. She shakes it and watches as a lights grows bigger and bigger within it, finally exploding into dozens of little fireworks. She looks at Charlie, who just says, "Seeing isn't believing. Believing is seeing."

Back at the pole, Spencer and Scott are still tied up, and the clone Santa is getting ready to leave with the coal. Suddenly, Charlie - minus a tooth - drops in with Carol. Seems he was able to convince her after all. They set Scott and Spencer loose, free all the other elves who were locked up, and rush into the stables just in time to see the clone Santa taking off. Bernard whistles, and Chet (remember him?) comes roaring in. He throws Scott onto his back and takes off, chasing the sleigh. They catch up to the sleigh, and Scott and the clone start battling it out in mid air (Toy Story Trivia: At one point, the clone Santa says to Scott, "You are a sad, strange, little man.") Back on the ground, the elves, Carol, and Charlie are waging war aginst the tin soldiers, who are falling like flies.

Back on the sleigh, Scott has gotten the upper hand, and he is able to knock the clone Santa out of the sleigh and win that fight. He throws the Santa suit on and prepares to go deliver the presents, but is interrupted by Bernard, who reminds him that he has ten minutes to get married. Quickly, he asks Carol to marry him (with a little help from Terry) and she says yes (again, with Terry's help). There's a quick wedding presided over by Mother Nature, and then Scott is Santa again. He and Charlie get into the sleigh, but before they leave he promises Carol that there's a three month honeymoon waiting for them when he gets back.

Later that night, Charlie and Scott get to Charlie's house. He goes to wake Lucy up and lets her in on the fact that "Uncle Scott" is Santa Claus. Charlie tells her that she can't tell anyone, but says it's okay because she also gets to never stop believing in Santa. Scott/Santa goes up to the roof and heads away with Comet lying in back and Chet in Comet's place. As they head away, the sleigh starts heading all over the place, thanks to Chet's lack of experience in flight.


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