MONSTER HOUSE NOTE: This spoiler was sent in by Britnasty.
The movie opens sort of like a horror film. Suspense-filled music while some small credits roll. A bright orange leaf appears on the screen and it starts flying through the air. As it descends towards the ground, we see a little blonde girl (voiced by Ran Newman) riding a tricycle along the street continuously singing a sweet (and horribly annoyingly) La La La sequence. As she rides down the street she continues this, but then comes to an abrupt stop. She tries peddling as hard as she possibly can, but to no avail. The shot widens and we see her bicycle is stuck in the grass in front of what looks like a scary house. All of a sudden, the door opens to the house and a crazy old man starts coming out screaming things like Get off my lawn! and Do you want to die!?, This is my house!. So the little girl tries her hardest to peddle but once again to no avail. She gets off the tricycle and the crazy old man grabs the tricycle and breaks it in half. The little girl runs away and the old man walks slowly turns to his house. He turns around and gives the screen a deafening stare as if he is looking at something, and he is.
The shot shifts to a little boy jumping back from a telescope. He has clearly been spying on the old man as he harassed the little girl. He falls to the ground and then we hear adults yelling, DJ, were leaving get down here now. He screams back alright and then runs to his desk. We see he writes down something and we see some pictures of the old man staring back at him and him breaking the bicycle and whatnot. We then go to outside as DJ (voiced by Mitchel Musso) sees his parents (voiced by Catherine OHara & Fred Willard) piling his things into a station wagon. DJ tells his mom frantically that he did it again. He is Mr. Nebbercracker, a crotchety old guy who hates children. His mom asks What did you just say?. His voice cracked. His mom starts talking to her husband and asking what just happened. DJ tries to cover it up by going in a deeper voice. His dad says his son is just going through puberty. The dad laughs it off and tells him to behave this weekend for the babysitter and to not do his spying. DJ tries to say he doesnt spy but it doesnt work. The parents get into the car and tell DJ to behave. As he starts backing the car up, he hits something that looks like a giant mutant fish.
This is just some kid. He comes around the car and apologizes. We find out this kid is nicknamed Chowder (voiced by Sam Lerner). DJs dad tells the boys to behave. The parents drive away and the two boys start playing a little bit of Basketball. They talk about trick-or-treating and how Halloween is in only 1 day and 3 hours. DJ tells Chowder he is not going to go trick-or-treating because he feels he is getting too old for it. Chowder throws a big fit and then throws his basketball super hard at the basketball backboard and it hits Chowder right back in the head and both kids fall down. They look up and the ball has landed in the fated Nebbercrackers lawn. The two boys start freaking out about it. Chowder starts whining that the ball cost him $27 and his mom is going to kill him. DJ tells Chowder that sucks and hes going to have to deal with it. The boys have a little bit of a back-and-forth argument, then Chowder convinces DJ to do it by saying that hes older and an adult. So DJ agrees to it.
They both walk over sneakily and hide behind a tree. They scope out the house and come to he conclusion that Nebbercracker must be asleep. So, DJ runs onto the lawn really fast. Doing this, the house just starts making noise. DJ is literally five feet from the basketball at this point. He inches closer even though the house is making noise, and then it happens. The door swings open and Nebbercracker runs out screaming and hollering the same epithets he did to the little girl. DJ starts running, but Nebbercracker eventually catches him a few inches before the lawn ends and picks him up. He starts shaking DJ and screaming at him, but halfway through saying something he stops dead, makes a few pain noises, and DJ crashes to the ground with Nebbercracker falling on top of him. They assume he is dead. When this happens we are taken inside the house and shown a big pit where the floor splits apart almost making teeth and a huge fire erupts. Outside the house, an ambulance has come to take Nebbercracker away. From the chimney, smoke is coming out. As DJ watches the ambulance go away, Chowder says No sirens, thats never a good sign. Then the boys joke about DJ not being a murderer, it was an accident and thats called manslaughter (its one of the funnier moments of the movie). As the boys are leaving, a key magically appears on the grass on Nebbercrackers lawn. It has sort of a monsters face at the top of it. DJ notices this and picks it up and puts it in his pocket. The boys begin walking back to the house, when a car pulls in DJs driveway. Its his babysitter.
Chowder runs away saying Babysitter, bye. The girl is blonde and is listening to very teenybopper pop music. She is introduced to us as Zee (voiced by Maggie Gyllenhaal). Zee asks DJ if she missed anything exciting because of the ambulance. They enter the house and Zee starts giving the normal babysitter rundown. DJ then explains that his parents are gone. Zee makes a sigh of Thank God and rips off her blonde wig and clothes and reveals a very punk-rocker-mixed-with-gothic look. She gives the rundown, in the house before the lights come on, in your room by 9, lights off whenever you feel like it. She controls the phone, stereo and TV and whatnot. DJ says he has an exhausted day and goes up to his room while Zee blasts very very loud metal-type music. He goes into his room, closes the blinds on his window and falls asleep. The shot is fixated on the window when a big red light starts shining in his room. The light becomes bigger and from the floor in his room a huge hand comes up and grabs DJ. He wakes up and its very obvious its all a dream.
DJ wakes up to the phone ringing in his room. He picks it up and its very strange noises. He hang it up and he jumps up fast as it calls back right away. The same noises are coming over the phone. He decides to be slick and does a *69. He hears a phone ringing, then he suddenly realizes where its coming from. He opens his blinds and his window and his jaw drops. Its coming from Nebbercrackers!!!! His door suddenly bursts open and two figures come in and scare him. They remove their masks and its Zee and some guy. DJ throws a fit saying that Zee cant have her boyfriends over. Zee goes on a whole tangent about how this is Bones (voiced by Jason Lee), hes in a band and hes gorgeous (seriously the guy is so pale, he looks like hes at least 50). Bones starts talking like a typical rock-star (kind of retarded mixed with surfer). He grabs DJs stuffed Bunny and starts pretending that its dying so he starts ripping it apart. DJ tires to stop him and finally Zee steps in and stops him. DJ then tells Zee & Bones about the call. She makes the crack Oooh, you called the neighbors, I am so scared!. He then tells her he did it on *69 and explains that the ambulance from before was Nebbercracker dead, and that now his house is calling him. Zee and Bones leave making fun of him and Zee tells DJ if he doesnt go back to bed, shes going to call his parents and tell them DJ wont go to bed.
They turn the lights off and leave. DJ rushes to his phone and calls Chowder up. DJ asks where his parents are and Chowder responds (in a hilarious moment), My dads at the pharmacy and my mom is at the movies with her personal trainer. DJ tells Chowder about the house and whatnot and tells him to meet up at the Danger Zone. They hang up and DJ starts creeping down the stairs when he hears Zee & Bones talking about Nebbercracker. Bones starts telling her the story of how when he was younger, he had this amazing red kite and that when it fell from the sky he followed the string and it had landed on Nebbercrackers lawn. He tells Zee of how Nebbercracker took it and that it was one sweet kite. Man I miss that kite. Then Bones tries to be scary and jumps on top of Zee and they basically fight. Zee kicks Bones out and just as Bones slams the door, DJ sneaks out the back of the house.
We are then shown Bones sitting outside DJs house and then goes over to Nebbercrackers lawn and starts making fun of it, clearly Bones is drunk. Suddenly the door to Nebbercrackers opens and we see a shiny red kite fly in front of the door. Bones becomes mesmerized and continuously says my sweet kite!. He drops the bottle on the lawn and follows the kite and then suddenly the house sucks him in. We cut to DJ running towards a construction site for Luxury condos. He walks in and its a very spooky atmosphere. He walks around shouting Chowders name continuously. All of a sudden, Chowder jumps out of nowhere and scares DJ. DJ tells Chowder to stop fooling around and then he basically gives him the rundown on the house and how its making weird noises and what he saw. Chowder agrees to it and the boys go back to the house.
Its morning now and Zee wakes up from the couch and the doorbell is constantly ringing. Zee goes to the door and half-expects it to be Bones . She opens it and its a little red-headed girl where a prep school uniform with a big red wagon lugging around candy. The girls introduces herself as Jenny (voiced by Spencer Locke) and starts going on this whole rant of how if you run out of Halloween candy for trick-or-treaters your house is 50% more likely to be TPd (toilet-papered) and egged. Zee slams the door, but the girl keeps ringing the doorbell continuously. Zee asks her what school shes from and whatnot and the girl tells her and Zee then tells her that she got kicked out of the school. Jenny then goes again and Zee tells her its not her house. Jenny responds Babysitter?. Zee says Yes. Then jenny gets really smart and says give me $20 for candy, Ill write a receipt for $30 and you pocket $10. Zee agrees, buys some candy and then slams the door. We then see DJs being waken up by a clock. Chowder and DJ have been up watching the house. 8am, No sign of movement is what Chowder tells DJ to write down. Zee opens the door and asks what they have been doing. DJ tells them theyve been up all night watching the house. They havent lived for food or to even use the bathroom .At the exact moment, Zee picks up a green bottle filled with liquid and says Dont tell me. She hands them chocolate and leaves the room. Chowder goes back to using the telescope and through the telescope we see he has seen Jenny walking down the street. He becomes infatuated. DJ takes a look too and so does he. When they follow her, they see she is going to Nebbercrackers. They run out of the house and try to stop her. In the background while they are stopping her, the lawn signs that read Beware! get sucked into the lawn. Jenny calls them a name and continues on. All of a sudden, the house makes a face, the door swings open and it sort of makes teeth with the wood. The sidewalk shoots up and tries to swallow Jenny. DJ and Chowder split into sides and try to save her. Chowder tries and fails. DJ however, succeeds.
They quickly run back into DJs house and Jenny asks what is going on. DJ and Chowder explain. Then Chowder asks where Jenny goes to school and she tells him. Chowder says he got accepted there. Jenny responds that its an all girl school. Chowder then says and thats why I didnt go there. Jenny then notices the bottles filled with urine and asks is that urine. Chowder says DJ you pee in bottles!? Thats gross. Then Chowder and DJ go off into those whole fight because they are clearly fighting over Jenny. Jenny stops them and asks to use the phone. Jenny leaves the room and DJ and Chowder start fighting again. Jenny calls her mom and tell her. She enters the room again and explains to them that they didnt believe him. Then Jenny gets an idea of who may know what to do. They go to a pizza parlor and see a very fat, nerdish type guy playing a Zelda like videogame. His name is Reginald Skullinski but is known as Skull (he is voiced by Jon Heder, and uses the same voice as Napoleon Dynamite, its quite entertaining) Chowder says that he played the game on one quarter, four days straight surviving on an adult diaper and a big gulp soda. They ask him how to kill it and he tells them of how he heard about a house becoming possessed by its owner at a Comi-Con type convention and that the only way to kill the house is to get to the heart.
They leave and go back to the house and strategize. They get the idea to put the house to sleep. They are going to build a fake dummy and Chowder has to go to his Dads pharmacy and steal some cold medicine to put the house to sleep. We see DJ and Jenny building the dummy using the vacuum cleaner, the fish-mutant mask from before, a letter jacket and some shoes. We see Chowder stealing bottles of Nyquil and then running back to DJs house. The next shot is of the kids hiding in garbage cans sneaking across the street. They set the vacuum cleaner decoy on the sidewalk, plug it in and let it start moving towards the house. To get the house to wake up, Jenny uses a slingshot and hits the doorbell with a rock. The house wakes up and Chowder screams Trick or Treat. Just as the house is about to eat the decoy, a police car pulls up. The house closes up and the officers (voiced by Kevin James and Nick Cannon) unplug the monster. One of the officers sees the cold medicine in the decoy, takes a bottle drinks it and then says the kids are going to jail. They load the kids into the cop car and the house starts making noises. The one officer (voiced by Nick Cannon) investigates and so does the other cop. The cop notices the bottle on the ground (Bones beer bottle from before) and it gets sucked into the ground by the grass. The second cop goes around and notices the ground start making movements and pulls his gun out on a tree and tells it to freeze. Suddenly the tree snaps and picks the second cop up. The first cop notices this and starts shooting at the tree. At this point, the kids are trapped inside the cop car and screaming. The house swallows both cops and then it grabs the police car. The house opens wide and swallows the cop car. The kids narrowly escape being eaten and jump out the back of the car, but then realize, they are trapped inside the house!
They are in the foyer and notice a chandelier. Jenny says that must be its uvula. Chowder responds so its a girl house!. Jenny explains what a Uvula is and DJ notices some binoculars pointed out the window and finds out that Nebbercracker must have been watching DJ. They try to explore the house and then they fall straight down into what must be the basement. DJ, Jenny and Chowder figure out this must be where Nebbercracker kept all the toys he had taken over the years. They go back into the room further and find a cage that says Constant the Giantess. They figure this must be the wife Nebbercracker supposedly fattened up and then ate. DJ notices the lock and then remembers the key. He pulls it out of his pocket and opens it. When they go inside the cage they see a huge body-form laying on the floor covered in the cement. DJ trips and lands on top of the form and the whole room shakes and the cement fades away and its the skeleton of Constance. Now the house gets extremely pissed off and starts reeking havoc. Chowder gets sucked up by the house after he finds his basketball. Jenny gets sucked into the pipes of the house. DJ is left by himself. He runs up the stairs as they try to devour him and finds himself back in the foyer. He meets back with Chowder & Jenny right before the are about to sucked into the houses mouth. Jenny gets smart and runs up the stairs and jumps onto the uvula and then falls into the mouth where DJ is trying to save Chowder. The mouth fills up with water, the door opens and they three are shot out. Chowder makes the statement, Dude, were we just upchucked?.
The kids walk out and out of nowhere a car swings out and DJ falls to the ground. No he wasnt hit. He gets up and a stealthy figure walks forward and its ..NEBBERCRACKER! They go back and forth screaming at each other and as he tries to go back to his house, DJ tells Nebbercracker, that he knows he didnt kill his wife. Nebbercracker gets mad because its Halloween and he only has so much time to save the children but then, gets sentimental and explains where the house came from.
We are flashed back to the 1920s and a young Nebbercracker is at a carnival show. Its for Constance the Giantess. We see her sitting there and getting tomatoes thrown at her and various food products. Nebbercracker is in the audience and is just in love with her. He finds her cage late at night and hooks it up to his truck and they drive away together. He has her blindfolded then and shows her what hes bought and its a huge plot of land. Time goes back and Nebbercracker has started building the house. Constance comes huffing and puffing down the stairs that kids are throwing things at her house. She goes into a rage and darts at the kids but Nebbercracker stops her and tells her he loves her. She backs up and is still angry. As she backs up, she hits the cement machine, turns it on and then falls backwards into the basement.
We flash back to present time and Nebbercracker tells him that Constance died but she never left. She has inhabited and is the house in its essence, He turns around and tells the house that they both knew that this was going to happen one day. Nebbercracker pulls out a big stick of dynamite and the house gets angry. The trees on the side of the house suddenly attach to the house and the house grows out of the grown and starts chasing them. DJ takes the dynamite from Nebbercracker and he, Chowder and Jenny run. He knows that he must blow up the house and get to its heart. He knows where its heart is, down the chimney. They are chased all the way to the construction zone from before (the Danger Zone). Chowder mans a digging-type of machine and starts attacking the house. Jenny and DJ run down to a crane type-scaffolding machine with a wrecking ball attached to it. Chowder is pushed over the edge of the cliff, but survives. The house however, seemingly has been wrecked to bits. The kids get excited, but then, the house emerges a huge monstrous form now. Chowder does his best to fend it off but the house eventually wrecks the machine to pieces.
DJ climbs up the scaffolding and Jenny follows. He goes out onto the arm of the crane and drops onto the wrecking ball. Suddenly it starts swinging. The ball is flying everywhere, and its to the point where now the house is directly under him. Jenny lights the dynamite on fire and tosses it to DJ. DJ is swinging and in a chance of shot luck, he drops the dynamite down the chimney. He jumps off the wrecking ball and the house then just explodes. It is completely gone.
DJ and Chowder and Jenny have realized that they have destroyed the house. From the smoke, then Nebbercracker walks out of the smoke and starts thanking the kids now that they are free. Everybody is free from the wrath.
We go back to the neighborhood, where kids are trick-or-treating and at Nebbercrackers house lot, he is giving back the toys to the children. The little girl from the beginning of the movie gets her tricycle back and asks DJ where the house went. DJ responds, it turned into a monster and we destroyed it. The little girl just says Oh cool. Jenny gets into the car with her mom and she shouts to DJ Good luck with the puberty, which is hilariously funny on screen. DJ and Chowder then return home where DJs parents are back. His mom asks what they are doing and then she goes Oh I get it your dirty pirates. They nod and smile and as the parents go into the house, they just laugh. DJ and Chowder play some basketball and then Chowder starts going on about being grown up. DJ looks at Chowder, grabs some of the dirt from his shirt and rubs it on his face to make black circles around his eyes and a very fake moustache. Chowder and DJ then run off into the neighborhood and begin trick-or-treating.
We then are taken back to the smoke coming from Nebbercrackers property. We are taken to ground-level and then out of nowhere Bones climbs up from the rubble with his kite in hand. He looks straight at us and then the credits roll.
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