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MADEA'S BIG HAPPY FAMILY

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NOTE: This spoiler was submitted by Joanna.

We start with a cartoon where Madea is putting everyone in her car and driving recklessly. The car drives through the town, hits a fire hydrant, and must get fixed (this is all during the opening credits), goes to the drive in at a fast-food restaurant, and runs a red light before passing by the ER at a hospital. This is where the movie starts.

Two women are in the ER – Aunt Bam (Cassi Davis) and Shirley (Loretta Devine). Aunt Bam is talking about how she never gets sick and hates doctor’s offices, but Shirley just thanks her for coming with her. The doctor, Dr. Evans, comes in and is very attractive, so Aunt Bam tells him that she is sick and asks him to put his hands on her. She makes some dirty jokes and asks if the doctor is single and straight. Shirley makes her go into the waiting room, but before she does she tells the doctor how she really feels about the doctor (hates it) and starts groping the him.

She leaves leaving Shirley and Dr. Evans to talk. She has been short of breath and had headaches because her cancer is back. Dr. Evans tells her that they can try chemo again, but Shirley has been fighting cancer for 7 years. She tells him that she’s ready to stop fighting because God is going to take his gift of life away and she gets to go be with him in Heaven. He will call and make an appointment with another specialist, however.

Aunt Bam is out in the waiting room making jokes to herself as she comes out of the bathroom. She warns people not go into the bathroom as she has made it smell badly. Cora, Madea’s daughter, comes into the waiting room. She tells Aunt Bam she has come to see her father, Leroy (Mr. Brown) with diabetes. Aunt Bam says “That’s going to kill him!” They talk about Shirley, and the woman leaves to go see Leroy after Aunt Bam won’t stop talking.

Shirley comes out and tells Aunt Bam that it’s not good, and she needs her to call her children. Aunt Bam takes this as she wants to watch the show “All My Children.” Shirley tells her that she needs her to stop smoking weed because it makes her crazy. They leave.

In the room with Leroy and Cora, Dr. Evans comes in. They are arguing about what he ate that caused him to enter the hospital. He doesn’t eat right or exercise which the doctor warns him about. Leroy tells Dr. Evans he should marry Cora. Dr. Evans tells Leroy he never had a colonoscopy, but Leroy thinks he’s talking about drinking soda. Dr. Evans tells him that he needs to have regular colon and prostate exams to be save. He puts on a glove to test Leroy who is screaming as he doesn’t want this exam!

Madea and Carmen talk on the phone about Leroy. Carmen yells at Madea who is at the drive-thru. The person supposed to be taking her order is having an argument on her phone with her boyfriend and is telling Madea to hold on. Madea stops honking her horn and starts to order, but the girl taking her order is giving her attitude. Because it took her so long to order (since she was on the phone) she missed breakfast. Madea drives up yelling and the girl is back on the phone yelling back at her. She says she is the manager and Madea drives through the restaurant honking her horn. She walks up to the counter throwing stuff at the girl. Customers are video taping her going crazy on their phones. Madea keeps throwing things before getting back into her car, backing out of the restaurant, and driving away.

At Shirley’s house, Aunt Bam tells her that she called her family for her. Bam tells her that she’ll probably outlive everyone, but Shirley says only God knows. Bam says that at her own wake and funeral, she wants everyone to pass around joints.

Madea’s son Byron (Bow Wow) and his girlfriend Renee come in with his baby and he has to go change him. Renee won’t change him or do anything, and Bam tells her that she doesn’t like her, but the girl says she’s not the baby’s mother.

We see them in the room with the baby, and Renee is giving him a hard time saying she has better things to do than be there. She wants him to make one drop so that he can make enough money to get his own place. Byron spent time in jail and doesn’t want to do anything that she is suggesting to make more money and wants her to stop talking about it.

Now we see more of her children come in – Tammy and her husband Harold. She is berating him because he didn’t follow her directions and she also babies their 10 year old son which Bam calls him out on. They also have another older son, HJ. Shirley’s son in law Calvin comes in, but his wife Kimberly isn’t there yet because she’s working. The older grandson gets up to turn the TV on, but Bam turns it off. He ignores her and turns it on again. Bam and Shirley yell at him but H.J. says “punk ass” and gets up again. Bam starts throwing remotes at him. Kimberly walks in and says this is why doesn’t let her son spend time with their kids. Harold’s wife walks in saying, “What did she just say,” and you think there’s a fight about to happen. Kimberly is clearly snotty and thinks she is better than her siblings and family. She asks her mother Shirley why she had to be there, and Shirley just says she wants to see everyone. Kimberly gives her a hard time and says she has enough of this on Sundays. Bam says she NEVER comes on Sundays. Byron and Renee come in with the baby. Byron gives him to Renee who clearly doesn’t know how to even hold him. They stay in the living room with HJ while everyone else goes outside.

Harold, Calvin, and Byron talk about their girlfriends/wives complaining saying they don’t know what to do with them. Renee takes all Byron’s money and will even return the baby’s clothes to get the money back for them. They also tell Harold that his kids are out of control, and he says it’s because Tammy is so controlling and mean to him. Calvin tells them that he doesn’t know how much longer he can take being married to Kimberly. Byron tells them that he knows his sisters, and all they have to do is something nice for them, i.e. take them out to eat or get a nice anniversary gift.

The window opens, and they see Aunt Bam smoking weed. They run in the house after finding out that his baby’s mother, Sabrina, is there. She is screaming at Renee while holding the baby. Shirley called her there. As it turns out, she is the girl from the fast-food restaurant! She also tells everyone that Byron is back on the street selling dope, but he denies it. She tells him that she wants the child support money. Whenever she says his name she drags it out saying, “Byrooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon” very annoying.

He tells her they are not in a relationship even though she seems to think he wants her. She leaves with the baby.

Byron goes into the kitchen and tells a very upset Shirley that she was lying, and he’s not selling drugs. Shirley seems to still believe Sabrina, so Byron and Renee leave, clearly upset. Kimberly also says they’re leaving because she needs to get her son from daycare, and Tammy gives her a hard time. While hugging Calvin goodbye Aunt Bam makes some dirty comments.

Harold and Tammy go into the kitchen, and Shirley doesn’t know how she’s going to tell them the news with all her kids behaving so badly toward one another.

Later, Joe (Tyler Perry) is watching a Maury paternity test episode. Madea comes in and they talk about these paternity tests, and how they couldn’t know who the father is. Leroy (Mr. Brown) comes in screaming after his colonoscopy with Cora behind him, telling them that they removed a growth and want to do a biopsy. He wants Madea to hold him one more time, and she slaps him. After a laugh, they talk about what’s going on. Cora tries to get Madea to just say something nice to him for once. She tells him that the exams are normal, and he’ll be fine.

Aunt Bam comes in and Leroy says he's dying, but Bam says, “That’s good to hear,” before correcting herself to say, “Sorry.” She tells Madea she just came from Shirley’s house and that Madea needs to help her with her out of control kids. Joe is in the other room making a weird noise asking for help, but they don’t seem to care or think anything is wrong. He tells them the voice saying, “Help me” is the floor because they’re all so big.

Aunt Bam continues to ask Madea to help Shirley, which she finally says she will do. The phone rings and it’s Joe’s bookie. He continues making jokes about the floor saying that if he walks on the floor with all them already on it, it will break so he can’t get up to get the phone, but Madea yells at him to shut up and get the phone.

In the next scene, we see Shirley and Dr. Evans looking at x-rays. She doesn’t have much time (maybe 6 weeks). Despite her troubles, she gives him brownies she made. He says she’s the most amazing patient he’s ever had.

In the next scene, we see Kimberly yelling at her and Calvin’s son who is only 18 months old. She says he needs to learn, but Calvin is upset at how she treats their son (C.J.). They start to fight in the other room about how she can’t get along with her sister. He wants to see a marriage counselor, but she doesn’t want to.

Next we see Tammy talking to her kids who are playing video games. H.J. tells Tammy she looks like a maid and are very fresh to her. They lie to their mother and tell her that their father said and did things he never did. Harold comes home with flowers for Tammy for their anniversary. She yells at him saying she doesn’t want them and wants only to get away from him. She is also putting cream on her face. She tells him what the kids told her – that he left dirty dishes in the sink – but he denies it. She continues to yell at him, and he says the boys should help her clean up when he’s working. He gives her the flowers, and she throws them at him. The thorns cut her finger, and she gives him the middle finger. He tells her he’s trying, but Tammy just tells him to shut up, keep his pants zipped, and goes to bed. Poor Harold tells her Happy Anniversary.

Then we see Byron taking Renee into the dark house, but she’s yelling at him the whole time. Byron takes her into his bedroom (they had to sneak in) and he tells her maybe she should get a job, but she says, “If I get a j.a.b. you are getting n.u.n.” She tries to get him to do a drop, but he still says no. All of a sudden there are cop cars outside the house. They answer the door, and they arrest him. Shirley and Aunt Bam get to the door saying he’s not selling drugs and wondering what Renee is doing there.

Shirley goes to Kimberly’s house in the middle of the night. She tells her that she took the bus and walked there because Byron’s been arrested and she needs bail money. She believes Byron that he wasn’t selling drugs but Kimberly refuses to give her money. Shirley says to use her house as collateral, but they took out a second mortgage last time. Calvin comes to the door and brings her inside. Calvin says he will get dressed and they will go bail him out, but Kimberly is just yelling at her. She says, “She found a way to get here she can find a way back.” Shirley starts crying because of how Kimberly treats her but Calvin tries to make her feel better. Shirley just says that she’s tired.

In the next scene, we see Cora with Mr. Brown (Leroy) in the hospital and he’s practically screaming as they wheel him away for his test.

Meanwhile, Bam is talking with Madea. Bam fills Madea in on the actions of Shirley’s children, their significant others, and grandchildren. Madea says that all Shirley ever wants to do is pray for them. Shirley walks in laughing, happy, as she sees Madea. Shirley tells them at Kimberly wouldn’t give her any money. Madea tells her that she raised them the best she could and not to be upset about them. Cora and Shirley went to the jail, but they wouldn’t even tell them what the charges were.

Shirley tells Bam that she wants to sit her kids down, so she can tell them all at the same time about her cancer. Madea assures her that her children will all be there for dinner.

Meanwhile, Calvin went back to the jail to bail out Byron. Sabrina is driving by taunting him – she sent him to jail on charges of back child support. Calvin tells him that he’s doing fine and just to stay straight.

Madea drives her car to the mechanic (Harold). She says that the trunk opens when she hits the gas and starts yelling at Harold. She says he’s always just sitting in that chair. She goes into the office and sees Tammy and the kids. H.J. insults Madea. Madea tells Tammy that Shirley wants them to go back there for dinner. H.J. says he isn’t going and even calls his mother, “Tammy.” Madea says she can’t let them talk to her like that. Madea slaps H.J. across the face a few times as he insults her. She tells them that they better start showing some respect. She says that if they are disrespectful she will beat them and then leaves.

Byron goes to work and explains that he’s late because he was arrested on back child support. He loses his job and tries to defend himself, but to no avail. Frustrated, he kicks some boxes on the way out, and he sees Madea drive up. She tells him about the dinner and to be there at 6. She also yells at him about pulling his pants up.

We cut to a couple looking at a beautiful house by Kimberly, their realtor. Madea drives up, speeding of course, and walks into the house. Kimberly excuses herself to talk to Madea, and it turns out she has been trying to get in touch with her, but Kimberly hasn’t been calling her back. Madea yells and threatens Kimberly to make her come over for dinner, which she reluctantly agrees to.

Back at the hospital, Dr. Evans comes out to tell Cora that Leroy lost some blood, so she agrees to give some.

Meanwhile, we see the family at Shirley’s house for dinner when Sabrina comes in with the baby yelling Byron’s name. Sabrina sees Madea and recognizes her as the one who drove through the restaurant. Byron takes the baby and Sabrina leaves, reminding him that she wants her money. As she leaves, Kimberly walks in and makes a comment to Calvin about how he told Madea where she was showing the house. Calvin calls her out at the table and says if she doesn’t get some help he’s leaving and taking their son with them. She starts yelling at Shirley about making them sit there pretending they like one another calling it ridiculous. Tammy starts talking back to Kimberly, and Kim tells Tammy she’s just jealous. Madea encourages them to continue telling one another how they really feel.

Kimberly and Tammy continue to go at it with Tammy calling out Kim for thinking she’s better than them. Then there’s the revelation – Kimberly got pregnant at 13 and Shirley raised her child! (Byron!) Kimberly demands that she and Calvin leave. Byron doesn’t understand that he’s Kimberly’s child until a few minutes later with all of them looking at him trying to make him get it. Once he makes the connection he’s upset obviously, especially because they think he’s always lying when it’s them the whole time.

He gets up and leaves with Shirley going after him. Madea stuns Tammy and Harold as she tells their kids to get upstairs and they respond with “Yes Ma’am.” Left in the dining room is Tammy, Harold, Madea, and Bam. Madea starts lecturing them on how Harold needs to stand up for himself and how their age is difficult for everyone. Harold and Tammy leave and go into the kitchen to talk. He tells her that she has to stop being mean to him and is smiling at Madea as he finally sticks up for himself. (Madea is encouraging him mouthing words at him so he knows what to say) She finally has respect for him and goes back to eat.

At Kimberly’s house, Calvin is packing up his things to leave. He says he loves her, but he needs to leave because of how she acts. She tells him to go to hell but then he picks up their son CJ. She goes after him begging him to stay but, he leaves.

The next day, Byron and Renee are walking and talking about Kimberly being his mother, but he doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. He agrees to make one last drop, but as he enters the bar he sees Maury on the TV. Sabrina is on the show yelling, “Byrooooooooooooooooooon” and claiming him to be a dead-beat dad. Madea and Joe are also watching it at their house, and Joe says he needs to give Byron the number for his new show, “Choke that ho.”

Cora and Leroy walk in and sit down. Cora asks Madea who her real father is. (Their blood types make it impossible for him to be her father) Joe makes some jokes implying that Bill Clinton was her father. Madea says Leroy is her father and doesn’t want to hear about it again. Just then they see an ad for Maury.

Now we see Shirley in the hospital getting her chemo treatment, and is having flashbacks of previous events in the movie. We also see current happenings – Shirley sick from the chemo, Calvin taking care of CJ and Byron.

Shirley winds up in the hospital, and everyone gets the call and goes to the hospital. She says she tried to tell all of them what was going on. Kimberly isn’t there though because she’s not picking up her phone. She tells them that she has cancer. Byron says that she will always be his mother and if she gets better he’ll do right. Tammy says they will do what she always told them to do – pray. Shirley tells them that she isn’t scared because she knows Jesus and she’s just going home. Calvin tells Shirley that Kimberly isn’t answering her calls, and Shirley says that she loves everyone right before she dies.

In the waiting room, Kimberly shows up. Calvin is questioning her, and she’s obviously not very nice to him. He tells her what room she’s in, and also tells her that she died. Kimberly walks into the room calling out her name crying saying she’s sorry.

The next scene shows the family at Shirley’s funeral service at church. The pastor and choir is singing the song she wanted. Back at the repast Calvin is trying to talk to Kimberly but she doesn’t want to talk to him. Sabrina is doing her “Byron” call, and Madea tells her to shut the hell up and gets everyone to sit down.

Madea starts calling everyone out, telling Sabrina to stop using the baby to make Byron’s life miserable, telling Byron to get another job, saying people marched for their freedom and rights, and no one realizes this. It turns out that Kimberly got pregnant because she was raped, and she tells her and Calvin to go upstairs and work out their problems.

Kimberly and Calvin go upstairs into her old bedroom. He tells her what Shirley said in the hospital – that she loved her and was sorry because she feels like she failed her. He asks her why she never told him about being raped and getting pregnant. They hug and she cries and apologizes.

Renee walks into Byron’s room, but he refuses to go make the drop. Especially since he just buried his mother. He can’t believe what she is saying to him and kicks her out and says he doesn’t need her anyway.

Cora and Leroy Brown are on Maury for a paternity test. Madea waited until Cora was in her 40s to tell her Leroy was the father to begin with. Meanwhile, Madea was recorded yelling that Leroy is the father. She shows up on Maury screaming “You the daddy!” After a cursing storm, the results are revealed, and Leroy Brown is NOT the father. Madea leaves the set crazy, like they do on the show once the results are revealed, and Maury comforts her. Joe is watching the show at home and says, “1-800-choke that ho!”


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