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JACKASS

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NOTE: This spoiler was sent in by buck thighmaster who says..."Not sure if a spoiler guide is really appropriate for this film, since if you're at all interested you probably went to see it. However, if you have no idea what Jackass is and wonder what the fuss is about...here you go."

The movie was just a multitude of vignettes portraying the various stunts the Jackass team came up with for the movie. Watching the film it becomes obvious that since the results are all impromptu, there must have been all sorts of attempts that didn't work out the way they expected and so didn't make the cut. There are also little 30 sec bits that are totally impromptu, from the crew's travels while making the film.

I'll just describe the various bits, and the results if necessary. I may not remember all of them.

MTV films needs a new credit trailer. Their current one is pretty damn lame.

Jackass was a Dickhouse Production.

Movie starts with a credit sequence where the entire cast is rolling down an incline in a giant shopping cart, just like off the poster.

WeeMan the dwark is in front, wearing a set of superhero tights with cape, and two guys are hanging off the sides of the cart. The various cast members in the cart smack each other around with punches to the head, then the cart goes by several cannons that looks like they're spewing broken concrete, but it must actually be dust, sand, and chunks of styrofoam. A couple guys jump off the cart and go rolling down the pavement. The entire cart crashes into a giant fruit stand, spilling the rest of the cast into the stand.

Bit 1 - Johhny Knoxville rents a car from a small town agency. The crew gets it reinforced at a body shop, then Knoxville drives it in a small town crash-up derby. He almost gets his head crushed when a car backs up over the rental car's hood and into Knoxville's windshield. They return the destroyed car to the rental agency. Knoxville claims he hit a dog while drunk, and the agency should split the cost. Then he takes off. The agency employee reactions are anti-climactic.

Next bit...Dressed up in a karate outfit, Weeman attempts to break a board with his head. He doesn't even come close.

Next bit...Party Boy in Japan. Chris Pontius walks into a Japanese electronics store and commandeers the karaoke machine. Then he rips off his track suit ands dances around the store in a silver-sequined thong and bow tie. The employees get creeped. A policeman tries to herd Chris out and gets his hat stolen, but is surprisingly good-natured about it. The Japanese policeman seems amused to be jousting with an almost naked dancing man for his hat.

Next bit...the crew experiments with a electro-stim exercise unit. They put the electrodes on various crew person's cheeks, pecs, balls, gooch, and then back on the cheek AFTER the gooch. It looks moderately painful.

Next bit...the crew drives golf carts wildly through an old mini-putt course, destroying the various fiberglass animals, including a dophin and polar bear. The carts get jumped over various concrete abuttments, burms, and nearby sandtraps and various people get catapulted out. Finally the one golf cart totally rolls over frontwards and Knoxville lands on his NECK. He looks like he should be dead.

Next bit...skater bowling. A couple crew members dive down bowling lanes on their bellies, riding skate boards and helmets. The other crew-members send bowling balls after them. One guy gets a bowling ball right in the nuts from Knoxville.

Next bit...Bam Margera wakes up his father with a garbage can in the bedroom full of fireworks, at midnight. The poppers are super-bright and loud, but stay in the can, There's minimal soot and damage. Then at 5am Margera Sr. goes down and gets in his van to go to work, and they set off another can of fireworks in there as he starts up the engine.

Next bit...Knoxville lets a baby-gator snap its jaws shut on his nipple. It stays on there for a while. Steve-O attempts to tightrope over a watery pit of gators while wearing a jock-strap. He doesn't get very far and resorts to a commando-hang along the rope with raw chicken hanging from the back of the -strap.

The gators become obviously not very dangerous. Finally, Steve-O lets a gator snap some chicken right off the back of his jock. Funny because he had to rely on the rest of the crew telling him when the gator was getting close.

Next bit...surprise shaving. Through the rest of the movie, the camera occasionally follows an electric razor as it sneaks up behind a cast member and takes a chunk of their hair. Knoxville escapes. Weeman beats up the guy who shaves him.

Next bit...Night Pandas. Back in Japan the crew puts on giant panda costumes and goes running through the streets. Occasionally throwing themselves down stairs, into street-side stalls and displays, and into cars. This was one of the most surreal and entertaining bits, because the Japanese street crowd really got into it. Especially at the end when the pandas came across some crew of half-naked young Japanese men doing cheesy martial arts on a street corner. They started throwing Weeman up in the air.

Next bit...Mouse Trap. Some guy puts on mouse ears and a nose and crawls across a room of mouse traps to get some cheese. Became funny once the crew started throwing loaded traps right at him.

Next bit...They're going to go to a plumbing store and crap in a toilet right in the store. The crew member responsible has taken laxatives to ensure quick action and doesn't make it to the store, crapping his pants right in the film van. One of the camera-men loses his lunch as a result. They attempt again with success.

Next bit...Tropical pole-vaulting. On some tropical island, or maybe Florida, Steve-O attempts to pole vault various things including tables, palm trees, disgusting drainage ditches, and off the end of a pier.

Next bit...Concentration Golf. The crew hides beside a golf course and blows an air-horn just as golfers tee-off. One golfer throws his club and threatens them, another hits a couple of balls at their hiding place.

Next bit...Whale-shark blow jobs. Steve-O and Chris Pontius go out on a boat to swim with whale-sharks (giant sharks with no teeth that suck down krill) while wearing mesh boxer shorts full of shrimp. The guys were more obviously nervous for this bit then almost any other. Before the bit the guys go in the surf and hold sea-cucumbers to their groin and pretend to masturbate, making the sea cucumbers spew their innards out (look it up). The dive instructor is embarassed he ever showed them a sea cucumber.

Next bit...Chris Pontius does more Party Boy on the streets of Japan. This time with a street-side fortune teller guy.

Next bit...a fat crew member sits on a park bench while people walk by. The bench is rigged so it'll break. He falls on the ground, then gets up, revealing to passersby that his pants are ripped up the back.

Next bit...Bunjee-Wedgie. They suspend a pair of jockies in a tree with bungie cords and carbines - a naked guy jumps into then. The first time they break and he falls to the ground. The second time they hold, but he flips upside down and eventually falls out of the jocks.

Next bit...Bam declares he'll get his mother to say 'Fuck'. This leads to a later bit where the crew leaves a big alligator in the Margeras' kitchen for her to find. She freaks, but comes across as a really nice woman with a good sense of humor. She does eventually swear while calling Bam's father for help.

Next bit...Ass-kicked by a girl. In Japan, one of the crew goes in the ring with a female kick-boxer champion of some sort. Hard to tell exactly how tough she is, but she can punch and kick like a mule. The Jackasser is scared before he even gets in the ring. He gets one or two mild hits in but gets kicked in the gut several times and eventually knocked out with a punch to the jaw. The fight lasts maybe 45sec.

Next bit...Bam hides a camera in the bathroom to catch his huge, incredibly hairy father using the toilet. Then Bam runs in, punches his father several times, and tears off his shirt, leaving him sitting on the toilet naked. Margera Sr yells for toilet paper.

Next bit...Surprise Gong. Knoxville walks around the streets of Japan with an almost naked fat guy holding a gong. They creep up behind people and strike the gong. Finally they creep up behind a guy sleeping on the grass in a park, but Knoxville slugs the gong-boy in the gut instead of hitting the gong.

Next bit...Tattoos. Imagine a close-up photo of Steve-O bending over and staring into the camera with a big goofy wide-eyed grin, whie giving two thumbs-up. Steve-O reveals he had this tattooed across his back in FULL PHOTOREALISTIC B&W LIFE-SIZE for the movie. It's so stupid even he's ashamed, but is happy he can't see it at least. Then he gets in a hummer and tries to get a happy-face tattoo on his arm while Henry Rollins drives the hummer brutally off-road. The only thing they don't do with the hummer is jump it. The resulting tattoo is just a blur of ink points and blood and looks intensely painful.

Next bit...A fat crew member chases Weeman through Tokyo streets, both wearing only sumo underwear. This was pretty funny.

Next bit...Knoxville gets shot in the gut with a 'suspect submission round' from a shotgun. The company that makes the round does it at their company shooting range. It's a bean-bag round the size of a large sugar packet, shot from a 12-gauge. The company won't even describe it as non-lethal. It's 'less lethal'. Knoxville looks intensely worried, but never seems to looks like he won't actually do it. Insane. The result looks incredibly painful. Knoxville lies on the ground for a while, not even moving. He ends up with a 2-week welt that hurts intensely when he sits up.

Next bit...The entire crew gets geriatric make-up, then walks aroudn pretending to be old people, leading to various bits. They crash electric scooters into each other on the sidewalk. Knoxville goes careening down a steep street pretending he has no brakes. Another crew member goes into a convenience store and shoplifts badly, then gets thrown out, continuing to try and shop-lift on the way out.

Next bit...Tidal Wave. Knoxville stands on a lawn and a giant bucket of water washes him away.

Next bit...Yellow snow. One the of crew makes a giant snow cone, makes it yellow 'naturally', eats it, throws up, gets kicked in the nuts, falls down.

Next bit...Dept Store Boxing. They find some boxer by the name of ButterBean. He's big and round, like George Foreman, but they show footage from his fights and he can punch like jack-hammer, and fast. He looks quite dangerous in action. Knoxville and Butterbean put on boxing shorts and invade an anonymous small-town dept store, where Knoxville gets the crap beat out of him. Butterbean lets Knoxville get one hit in, then creams him. Knoxville gets knocked out, goes to the hospital for scalp stitches, has a concussion.

Next bit...Weeman puts on a giant parking cone and wanders the streets of Japan causing confusion.

Next bit...some guy puts on a knight's costume similiar to Holy Grail then rides his BMX into a random convenience store, running some guy down with his joisting lance. The knight romps through the store, then runs out.

Next bit...Knoxville tries to skateboard (grind) down a 15-foot, 45-degree railing over concrete steps. A pro does it and makes it look easy. Knoxville makes it all the way but can't land his board and falls on his hip. It looks intensely painful.

Next bit...In Japan at a sushi place, Steve-O snorts wasabi and soy sauce, then almost seizures as his sinuses implode. Then he does it again.

Next bit...Giant Sweaty Fat Guys. Several crew members put on light-weight fat suits and ride around an indoor board and bike park, trying various boarder and bmx tricks. After several painful falls, they get the hang of it and pull off some nice moves on the rails, and particularly the pipe.

Next bit...Papercuts. Killing time in some hotel, Knoxville gets given papercuts in the webbing of his toes and hands. He gives up after about five. Steve-O agrees to get cut across the corners of his lips, then the tip of his nose. After, he mentions how glad he is that he came down to see what was happening in that hotel room.

Next bit...Someone dresses up as a giant mouse and gets in a cage with a cougar, and gets batted around briefly. Not hurt at all.

Next bit...Steve-O crouches on their balcony in Japan and launches bottle rockets from his butt. Chris Pontius launches bottle rockets attached to a string tied to his genitals.

Next bit...Botched Robbery Escape. Bam and Knoxville rent a second floor office, dress up in black with a bag of fake diamonds, then fall through the ceiling into the first-floor business below, taking the business people by surprise. The business people are surprised. One big guy takes off out the door before Bam and Knoxville even hit the floor, and is half-way down the block before they stand up.

Next bit...Weeman manages to kick himself in the forehead.

Next bit...one of the crew puts a toy car in a condom, then inserts it. You can guess where. He's not happy. Then he plays dum and goes to get an X-ray. The two funny bits are when the nurse who develops the X-ray film stares at it for the first time, and when the doctor advises the Jackasser not to tell anyone about this. Steve-O reveals that he thought up the bit, but then didn't have the guts to go through with it for fear of his family's reaction. Yeah, that tattoo will go over well. Knoxville points out that Steve-O drank wine off some guy's gooch once. Uuhh...right.

The ending...the entire crew does the credit sequence again in geriatric make-up. pretending it's the sequel in 2063. This time various explosions and falling debris pick off the entire crew except for Chris Pontius.

The movie makes it obvious that some of these guys have no threshold for embarassment, and Johnny Knoxville will do almost anything involving insane pain.

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