HOTEL TRANSYLVANIA

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NOTE: This spoiler was submitted by Jeremy

Dracula (Adam Sandler) comes into a room in the dead of night. He creeps up to a crib ominously and stands over it...just to make a silly face and funny noises to a little crying baby. This is his daughter Mavis. He uses his powers to change her diaper and make her smile. Meanwhile, he is consulting with a monster construction worker in building a castle. Over the years, we see Drac and Mavis playing while he protects her from the outside world by telling her horror stories about humans. Finally, the castle is complete, with full protection from humans (the forest before the hotel is haunted, and there are zombies in the graveyard to scare them off) and thus, Hotel Transylvania is born!

Cut to over 100 years later to the present day. All the classic monsters - Frankenstein (Kevin James) and his wife Eunice (Fran Drescher), Wayne the Wolf Man (Steve Buscemi) and his wife Wanda (Molly Shannon) and their litter of kid wolves, Murray the Mummy (CeeLo Green), and Griffin the Invisible Man (David Spade), along with all other kinds of monsters - arrive at the hotel in celebration of Mavis's (Selena Gomez) 118th birthday. Dracula welcomes everyone and goes upstairs to check on her, where she is preparing to ask him if she can go out to see the world. To her surprise, he says yes, but as she leaves, he notices she's all packed to go to Hawaii. He says she can only go to the nearby village for 30 minutes, and she leaves. The other monsters come in and question Drac for his decision, but he knows what he's doing.

Drac, in bat form, follows Mavis to the village, which is empty. She comes across a shop with pretty dresses but is confronted by humans. They come out with torches and pitchforks, until we see that Drac is behind this--he is controlling the atmosphere and the humans are just zombies in costumes...which all catch fire, causing Mavis to flee. Unbeknownst to them, somebody is watching this...

She goes to her room as Drac comes back, where she admits he was right about the horrors of the human world. Drac goes downstairs to find a human entering the hotel. Thinking quickly, he traps the guy, Jonathan (Andy Samberg), in the revolving doors. He tells Drac he heard about the castle and followed the flaming zombies to the place, under the assumption that he has stumbled upon a really cool costume party. This allows Drac to put Jonathan in a Frankenstein-like disguise. However, Quasimodo the chef (Jon Lovitz) and his pet rat Esmeralda become suspicious quickly. Jonathan discovers right away that the monsters are all real. That's when he stumbles upon Mavis, and they "zing" (their eyes flash when they see each other for the first time). Drac tries to hide him from her and pulls him upstairs.

Now afraid and realizing he is in the presence of the real Dracula, Jonathan begs for mercy, but Drac informs him that he doesn't drink human blood because "you don't know where they've been." Drac tries to sneak Jonathan out through a tunnel behind a secret passageway, but ends up running into Frank, Murray, and Wayne, who are assaulting zombie versions of Bach, Beethoven, and Mozart. They're planning something for Mavis's party. Mavis comes across Jonathan again, where he says his name is Jonnystein, and that he's distantly related to Frank. Drac makes up that he got Jonny to help plan for Mavis's party. After seeing how uninteresting Drac's friends are with music, Jonathan adds his own flare to the mix, which everybody loves.

Dracula, unhappy with this, makes all the guests do boring stuff that he planned (a game of bingo, among other things). Jonathan livens it up by bringing out a scooter, and then starting a game of chicken fights in the pool. However, his make-up starts wearing off, and Drac takes him out all the way to the cemetery where he tries to send Jonathan out by hypnotizing him, but it fails due to his contact lenses. Drac leaves him, and Mavis soon appears before Jonathan to have fun.

She takes him to the roof of the hotel and asks him more about his travels around the world (he mentions it earlier). He says the world is great, still trying to play up the monster ruse. The sun begins rising, which would burn Mavis, but Jonathan shields her from it so she can witness her first sunrise. The moment is ruined when he falls through the ceiling into the sauna where Drac and his buddies are as Drac is telling the guys that Jonathan isn't good for Mavis.

Drac makes Jonathan help set up tables for the party, but after seeing how the tables act according to Drac's command, they start having fun by flying on the tables. Drac actually enjoys the moment until he notices Jonathan is missing after they crash. He sees footprints and figures that Quasimodo and his rat have Jonathan. As he looks for them, he bumps into Mavis, who not-so-subtly admits she likes Jonathan, which worries Drac. He then gets the armored guards to stop Quasimodo but he outsmarts them and plots to cook Jonathan into a pie. Drac finds them and discovers that Quasimodo knows that Jonathan is human. To keep him quiet, Drac petrifies him and keeps him frozen (with his finger in nose for good measure).

Drac takes Jonathan to a room with a coffin and a large portrait of a woman. Jonathan says he knows of this legend--the woman in the portrait fell in love with a lonely count and they lived in a castle with their baby. Unfortunately, a mysterious fire destroyed their home and killed them. Drac reveals to Jonathan that the woman was his wife Martha and that it was the humans who set fire to their home and killed her, and therefore, his aversion to humans started from there. Jonathan says he will leave, but Drac says he can stick around for the party.

The party has live party music from the monster band, and Jonathan has a bunch of fireflies light up the place and take shapes of various locations like Paris, New York, and Hawaii to surprise Mavis. She is enchanted by it and kisses Jonathan, which startles Dracula. He ends up revealing the fake village plot to Mavis as a means to protect her, which angers her. Things get worse when Quasimodo comes in (still frozen) and a fly translates his mumbling to reveal that Jonathan is a human. Quasi's rat runs the make-up off him, and the other monsters begin to panic. As this happens, Mavis says she doesn't care that he is human, but Jonathan, knowing how Drac might react, tells Mavis he won't have her because he hates monsters, breaking her heart. He leaves with regret.

Drac finds Mavis on the roof in tears after reading a present her mother left her for her 118th birthday. She admits to Drac that she and Jonathan zinged, just like he and Martha did. The present is a little storybook depicting their romance and finally telling her that she will have her own zing. Drac realizes his mistake and meets with the angry monsters in the lobby. They are mad that he kept the secret from them, but Drac tells them that he doesn't even know if humans are that dangerous anymore. He asks for their help, and so Frank, Murray, Wayne, and Griffin go off to find Jonathan.

The sun is coming up, and the guys try to shield Drac from the light. They find one of Jonathan's smelly shirts and Wayne gets one of his pups to determine that Jonathan is headed for the airport on a flight that leaves in 15 minutes. The monsters rush off but crash into an entrance leading to a real village with a monster celebration. Everybody is dressed as a vampire, werewolf, mummy, or Frankenstein monster. The crowd is blocking the path to the airport, so Frank tries to scare everyone off. However, despite acknowledging that he really is a monster, they applaud him as he roars his way to the top of a balloon. He tells the crowd that the real Dracula is among them and that he needs to find Jonathan for his daughter. The crowd happily lets Drac pass, shielding him from the sunlight.

Drac finds the airplane with Jonathan on it, but it starts to fly off. He realizes the only way to catch him is to fly after him in his bat form, despite the burns he gets from the light. He finds Jonathan but can't talk to him through the window. He flies to the front of the plane and controls the captain to send a message to Jonathan, apologizing for his actions and asking him to come back. He then has the plane turn around, to the irritation of the passengers.

Drac crashes into Mavis's room with a lot of luggage and Jonathan strapped to it. He allows the two of them to have a relationship and go off to see the world. The two of them kiss again, and they have a real party with a musical performance from all the monsters and Jonathan.

a.w.


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