"An updated re-telling of the classic Brothers Grimm fairy tale "Little Red Riding Hood." The satire begins where the fable last left off, as there's always more to every tale than meets the eye! Furry and feathered cops from the animal world, Chief Grizzly and Detective Bill Stork, investigate a domestic disturbance at Granny's cottage, involving a girl, a wolf and an axe. The charges are many: breaking and entering, disturbing the peace, intent to eat, and wielding an axe without a license. Not to mention, this case might be tied to the elusive "Goody Bandit" who has been stealing the recipes of goody shops everywhere. " http://movies.yahoo.com
NOTE: This Spoiler was sent in by Brentage5000 who says... "To get an idea of what this movie is like, combine Shrek (which I also spoiled, thank you) and one of the following -- Crash or 11:14
The movie starts with Nicky Flippers (David Ogden Steirs), a frog investigator, telling us that for every story, there's always more going on than first appears. We then zoom in on Granny Puckett's house and see her granddaughter, "Red" Puckett (we never find out her real first name) going into her gandmother's cottage. Red goes inside calling for Granny and finds her sitting in bed waiting for her. She seems suspicious of something and comments on how Granny's mouth isn't moving when she speaks ("I had surgery."), how big her ears are ("So I can hear your insults better, sweetie."), and how bad her breath is getting, which makes "Granny" say, "LOOK, ARE WE JUST GONNA SIT AROUND HERE AND TALK ABOUT HOW BIG GRANNY'S GETTING?" The Wolf (Patrick Warburton) and Red square off after she says, "You again?" when suddenly the real Granny bursts out of the closet all tied up. Right after that happens, a tall and muscular woodsman comes flying through the bedroom window screaming and flailing an axe about, and--
--we cut to later that night. There are a bunch of police cars and reporters outside the cottage with some reporters gathered about asking questions. Chief Grizzly (Xzibit) pulls up and his deputy, Detective Bill Stork (Anthony Anderson), fills him in on what happened, listing the charges as breaking and entering, attempt to eat, and wielding an axe without a license. They go in and see the four principals all on the couch. Grizzly is immediately in Wolf's face and threatening to arrest him when Nicky pulls up and comes inside to much applause (not really, but...you know). Flippers is told by Grizzly that it's an open-and-shut case, but Flippers isn't having any of it, pointing out that with four players there's four stories. He also says that this could have something to do with "The Bandit", a mysterious figure who has been stealing recipes from every snack shop in the forest. He then goes to question Red, first asking her why they call her Red, but she asks him what kind of name Nicky Flippers is, at which point we see a flashback of Nicky as king of the disco. Back in the present, he waves off the question and he and Red go into the kitchen, where her interrogation begins.
RED'S STORY: We see Red at a shop getting ready to make some deliveries for Granny. She calls Granny before leaving and says she wants to leave the house and get out into the world more, but Granny (Glenn Close) advises against it before hanging up and going back to her programs. Disappointed, Red goes out on her route and sings about her desire to get out into the world (Note: Anne Hathaway is a great singer). On the way, her little rabbit friend Boingo (Andy Dick) comes along and they start chatting about Granny. They also notice how most of the shops seem to be closing up thanks to the Bandit.
Around this time, Red heads back to the shop to get more stuff, but when she arrives she sees a rock has been thrown through the window with the words, "You're next!" written on it. Panicky, she follows some advice Boingo gave her earlier -- she grabs the book of family recipes and heads for Granny's cottage. She takes the forest ski lift with Boingo but on the way, the tram stops, the door slides open, and Red and her basket fall out. She bounces off a few tree branches on her way to the ground, but she still survives the fall, landing in the middle of a forest road. She sees a pair of eyes staring at her and hear a roaring sound and runs off. She doesn't get far before encountering the wolf, who simply says, "Hi." He asks her a few questions, but she gets kind of uncomfortable and tries to make a break for it, but she gets blinded by something. She runs in another direction but encounters the wolf again. She beats him up with some karate moves and runs off again, finding some bird friends. She takes off her hood and the birds act as a decoy, using her hood to trick Wolf into running off a cliff and into a river. As he floats away in the current, he shouts that he'll get her and her Granny too.
Once she's got her hood back, Red climbs up the mountain, eventually coming to the shack of a goat named Japeth (Benjy Gaither), who claims to have been cursed to sing everything he says 37 years ago. In his hut, Red sees a railway tunnel leading to Granny's, but Japeth has launched into song about his many different horns. Before she loses it and attacks him though, Japeth breaks open a panel in the floor and the two go down it and into a rail car...though not before Red calls Granny again to let her know she's coming. Strangely, though, Granny seems a little distracted, screaming at something. Regardless, Red and Japeth take the lift and start a roller-coaster ride towards Granny's. On the way, an avalanche start for no apparent reason, but they get into a tunnel just before it can knock them off the track...which naturally has been broken right at the end of the tunnel. The car goes flying through the clouds, and Red sees Granny flying through the clouds and hears her say, "Use the hood, Red!" Quickly Red takes her hood off and fashions a type of cape/parachute out of it, grabbing her basket as she goes flying out of the cart. She manages to land right in front of the cottage, and now Nicky picks up the story, although he does get corrected a few times about the exact events. Grizzly says that this just proves that Wolf did it and moves to take him away, but Nicky stops him.
WOLF'S STORY: Wolf is led into the room while Red makes some comments about how this is a waste of time. He asks for something to drink, but Grizzly denies him that. Nicky states that Wolf looks familiar, and eventually Wolf tells him it's because he's an investigative reporter. He starts by explaining that he was looking into the Bandit story. We first see him in disguise at some snack bar, dressed as a building inspector (important). He tries to get some info out of the clerk, but it turns out to be a bust, and we see him saying as much into his tape recorder as Red passes singing in the background. Wolf's extra-super-hyperactive squirrel photographer Twitchy (Cory Edwards) comes up with some new photographic equipment, chattering ten miles a minute. Wolf suggests that he should switch to decaf, but Twitchy just says, "I don't drink coffee." (important) Anyway, following some reporter's instinct, Wolf goes to get some info on Red from his sheep source Woolworth (Chazz Palminteri). Woolworth, after being paid off enough, calls Red a "sweet girl - not like that Bo Peep" and tells her that she delivers food for Granny, who lives up at the Puckett estate and pretty much has the market cornered. This makes Wolf think that Granny is The Bandit and he sets out to get there before Red.
Now with a clear idea of what to do, Wolf and Twitchy start tailing Red and track her into the tram, at which point Twitchy asks if they can get some food soon. Wolf says that they can, since the last place he was at didn't have any and he is getting pretty hungry. Twitchy climbs a tree to get some pictures and as she falls out he gets a couple just before she hits the branch he's on, making him swallow the flash. She falls the rest of the way down, along with Twitchy. Wolf watches her through some nearby bushes, but his growling stomach gives away his position and she runs off. Wolf heads her off and she almost runs right into him. He asks her a few questions, but she runs off again. This time she steps on Twitchy, who has been struggling to get the flash out of his mouth, but when Red steps on him a succession of flashes succeed in blinding her. Wolf comes back and manages to head Red off in a taxi, but she manages to beat him up pretty bad, causing Nicky to interrupt Wolf's narrative by asking, "You really got beat up by a little girl?" Wolf defends himself by pointing to the wall where a picture is hanging that shows Red as a world class black belt in karate. Wolf resumes his narrative and we see him get up from the beating, give chase to what he thinks is Red...and is tricked into falling over the river, where he shouts that he'll get Red for this, and her Granny too. Wolf notices a nearby fisherman staring at him and he says, "What? I'm a reporter. They're criminals!"
After a while, Wolf gets out of the river and Twitchy catches up to him. They lament the state there in, but then we see Boingo show up, and he points out (having overheard their conversation) a shortcut to Granny's place. Unfortunately, the shortcut happens to be through some sewers, causing Wolf to remark, "Never trust a bunny." Even worse, some kind of sewer monster sneaks up behind them, and they barely make it out of there in time, although fortunately they come out next to some rail cars. They manage to get one on a route to Granny's place, and Twitchy says that he thinks he hears an avalanche, but Wolf says, "Nah, that's just old man mountain trying to show us who's boss." They go into a tunnel, and Twitchy lights a candle so they can see better. Wolf asks where the candle came from and Twitchy thinks it's Italian, since it says, "Dee-na-mit-a." In a second, they realize it's dynamite, and Twitchy drops the stick...but manages to light the twenty other sticks in the cart on fire. The two come out of the tunnel and toss the sticks, totally obliterating the track behind them. They hear Red and Japeth come out of the tunnel just behind them, but when they turn to look, they don't see anyone. They make their way to Granny's and break in. No one's there, so Wolf puts on a Granny disguise that was lying about (seriously, it was a packaged costume like what kids wear for Halloween), throws Twitchy in the closet, and waits for Red to come in.
Back in the kitchen, we see a skeptical Red not believing this while Grizzly mutters, "This guy's a loon," something Bill takes offense to since his mom is half-loon. Wolf is taken out and Nicky calls for the Woodsman next. The woodsman -- whose name turns out to be Kirk -- says that he is not a woodsman. Nicky asks him what his job is then and Kirk says that he is a struggling actor trying to get a job for Paul's Bunion Cream, who is currently casting for a commercial. We also find out that his ultimate hope is to tour with his favorite band back home. From here we fade into...
KIRK'S STORY: We see Kirk blasting across the screen and shouting out some obviously scripted lines, but we then hear someone yell, "Cut!" and see that it's really just an audition. The director asks Kirk some questions, and it's pretty obvious that the audition didn't go the way Kirk was hoping it would. Depressed, he goes outside to his waiting truck and real job, a Schnitzel salesman (german sausage). There's a brief song about it, but the song abruptly ends when Kirk sees his truck up on blocks and his supply of schnitzel depleted. Boingo comes by and sees what's happening. He tries to cheer Kirk up as Red passes by in the background, just starting her deliveries. Boingo runs off to her just as Kirk gets a call from the director, who has apparently changed his mind and wants Kirk to come back for a second audition tomorrow. However, he advises Kirk to put some serious work in between then and now, using the phrase, "Don't just act like a woodsman, BE a woodsman." Kirk takes him at his word, going out with an axe and first trying to chop the tree down with the handle (bad), then using the axe with the blade facing away from the tree (worse), then holding the axe over his head and hitting the tree with the top of it (worst). Eventually, he buys a book called, "Chopping for Actors" and gets the hang of it. Soon he's running through the forest chopping down trees like a professional until he comes to the Mount Everest of trees. He starts chopping and singing, but eventually (like around sunset), he starts getting tired and leaves the tree standing by a thread (translation: it was sixteen feet thick, and now the base is two feet thick). As he's walking away, he hears a scream (Red in the cottage) and starts heading for it, but the last support of the tree snaps, and it starts rolling down the hill after him. He runs for it and somehow manages to get on top of it, but when the log hits two equally thick tree trunks outside Granny's bedroom window, he is thrown through it screaming.
Kirk stops his story and we see utter amazement on the faces of Nicky, Red, Bill, Grizzly, Wolf, and Granny. We also see that Twitchy has finally shown up from wherever he was hiding. Nicky is about to start questioning Granny when three pig police officers (get it? two jokes in one.) call Grizzly over and show him a closet full of awards and trophies, all of which belong to Granny. Shocked, Red turns and asks Granny about them. Nicky points out that Granny has three Gs tattooed on the back of her neck, and she admits to being an extreme sports athlete (XXX reference, another spoil of mine). Trying not to look at Red's face, Granny begins her tale.
GRANNY'S STORY: We start right with Red calling Granny for the first time. Granny is in a rush to hang up, and as soon as she does we find out why -- she's signed up for a ski race with seven others, three of whom are her teammates and four of whom are Swedish opponents. Granny is handing out cookies to her teammates when we suddenly see Boingo with a clipboard asking for her autograph and seeming very nervous. She gives it to him and heads for the starting line with the others. One of them, Dolph, warns her to be real careful, but she just insults him back. The race begins, and it's pretty obvious the Swedes are playing to kill. They take out Granny's teammates, and as Granny heads into a forest, Red calls her for the second time. Granny hangs up quick and then starts a retaliation of snowball attacks which culminates in her and Dolph on the edge of a cliff. She goes over and Dolph is holding on when she goes strict-disciplinarian on him and gets him to admit that he and his team were hired by the Bandit. He drops her, thinking that she's killed, but she's hanging onto a tree branch. She plugs a bungee cord into the mountain, releases the stick, goes all the way down to where the fisherman was before ("Afternoon," she says kindly), and then vaults back up to the track. She takes out two smart bombs and tosses them behind her, setting them off and riding the resulting avalanche (remember that?) down past the other racers, past the finish line, and off the edge of a cliff. She opens up a parachute in her backpack and rides the air currents for a while, at one point seeing Red and Japeth in the mine car. She advises Red to use her hood and when she sees what Red does, she proudly says, "That's my girl." She rides the rest of the way to the cottage, getting there just ahead of Wolf and Twitchy. She goes down the chimney and heads for the closet, but the parachute gets caught in the overhead fan and she ends up tied up in it. We hear Wolf and Twitchy trying to impersonate Granny when suddenly the door opens and Twitchy gets thrown onto Granny. Granny bangs on the door using Twitchy and her hair and the door breaks open, just in time for Kirk to come bursting through the window.
Back in the kitchen, we see Red staring at her grandmother as though she's a complete stranger. Everyone else excuses theirself and the two girls talk, and it ends with Red tearing off her hood and storming out. Outside, the reporters that are still there see her and almost ask her questions, but since she doesn't have a red hood on they figure it isn't her. Red wanders off and eventually finds herself at a waterfall where she recalls a memory where her and Granny were baking cookies and Granny told her the family legacy and how important it was. Red also remembers having found a gold medal in one of Granny's drawers that identified her as an Iron-Cage championship winner and Granny saying that there were two things she didn't do -- lie, and play extreme sports.
Meanwhile, we see someone wearing Red's hood sneaking about the house and stealing Granny's book of recipes before heading out of the house. Red sees this mystery person and follows them. Meanwhile, Nicky has gathered everyone and is slowly working his way down through the suspects. Right when he sees that there's only one person who appeared in all four stories and thus is the real criminal, we see that same person boarding a tram with Granny's recipes, and that person is none other than...Boingo the rabbit. Grizzzly puts out an APB on Boingo as everyone else gets ready to pack up and head to the station -- not counting Granny, Wolf, Twitchy, and Kirk -- while at the same time we see Red hopping onto the back of the tram Boingo and Dolph are on. At the cottage, Twitchy tells them how he just remembered how there's an old station that no one uses, and the three realize that that must be where Boingo is headed. They know that they need to send Twitchy to head off the cops, but there's no way to get him there in time. Realizing what needs doing, Wolf grabs a cup of coffee and hands it to Twitchy, telling him to drink up. At first nothing happens, and then Twitchy explodes with nervous energy, taking off at lightspeed and leaving Wolf saying, "What have I done?"
Back at the old station, Boingo has finally arrived and is setting up to bomb Granny's cottage when out of the shadows steps Red. He laughs at her, calls her annoying, and the two fight, but thanks to the use of extra long ears Boingo is able to beat her. Red gets tied up and is stuffed into the tram with the rest of the dynamite, where Boingo explains how now that he's got everyone's recipes, he'll be able to make his own candy which will be laced with a super-addicting liquid drug of some kind that will make kids want more and more until they'll literally be eating the table if they don't get any. Boingo then gives orders to his minions that basically amount to, "Get ready to do evil stuff." He also advises one minion to change his name from Keith to something more evil. Meanwhile, Granny, Wolf, and Kirk have arrived and are watching this. Granny lays out a plan for them, saying that first they have to get rid of Dolph, who they'll recognize due to his bigness and ugliness and..."He's right behind me, isn't he?" There's a brief tussle that ends with Dolph knocked out and Kirk in Dolph's clothes. Wolf advises Kirk, "Don't just act like the enemy, BE the enemy." Kirk heads for the platform but when Boingo sees him he freezes up. Fortunately, Wolf comes through wearing his building inspector outfit and distracts Boingo. He leads the rabbit out to where Granny can drop on him, but at the last second some of Granny's sweat lands behind Boingo. He hears it, looks up, and is tackled by Granny. He throws her off and orders for the launching of the tram. The tram gets launched just after Boingo snaps off the brakes. Granny grabs a nearby muffin pan and extreme bikes her way onto the cord, first jumping off the platform into the air and then trading the bike for the pan where she grinds her way towards the tram, followed by Dolph, Boingo, and their compatriots. Kirk and Wolf, meanwhile, look at the jump, look at each other, and say, "Let's take the truck."
Meanwhile, Twitchy has found the police and is attempting to communicate, but since he's so pepped up they're having a difficult time understanding him. Finally Nicky gets an idea, grabs a tape recorder, and has Twitchy speak into it at "normal" speed. When it's played back on slow speed, we clearly hear Twitchy saying, "The criminals you are looking for cannot be found at the location you are headed for. My companions are currently engaged in fighting them at the old abandoned station." Before they can figure out how to get there soon enough, Bill looks up and says, "I think they're coming to us." Sure enough, the tram is currently right above the river. Granny catches up to it just as Red finally manages to free herself. Using Red's hood, granny pulls Red to safety and cuts the tram line. The two launch into the air and use Red's hood as a parachute to glide to a landing in front of the police, where part of the line has landed so that it's all set to receive Boingo and crew just as Kirk and Wolf pull up. As for the tram, it crashes into the river and explodes, causing tons of fish to come flying up out of it and landing all around the fisherman who kept popping up.
Some time later, we see Granny and Red and Wolf and Twitchy sitting at a coffee bar and talking while Wolf tries to keep his coffee away from Twitchy. Red remarks to Wolf that Kirk has gotten his dream job and is indeed on tour with that music group. Out of nowhere, we see Nicky pull up and come over to them. He tells them they did a good job and asks them if they'd be interested in a job. He gives them a card and offers to put them in touch with his employers at the Happy Ending Agency. The four look at each other and silently agree to do it, since as Red puts it, "Everyone deserves a happy ending."
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