HANSEL & GRETEL:WITCH HUNTERS
NOTE: This spoiler was submitted by Joanna.
It’s nighttime. A father is saying goodbye to his children, Hansel (Cedric Eich) and Gretel (Alea Sophia Boudodimos), as he goes through the woods with a lantern. The children want to follow him, but he yells at them to stay and wait. The children begin to walk and follow him and see a gingerbread house in the middle of the woods. They go inside and start eating. Suddenly they are frightened as they see a monster type goblin witch. She locks them in a cage and heats up the oven. She plans on throwing them inside, but they manage to escape and throw her on the fire instead.
The twins become famous orphans in the town since they escaped the witch. We see many newspaper articles and headlines saying how Hansel and Gretel are heroes and saved the town from the “swamp witch.” They become witch hunters and are hired by people to kill witches and help people escape their clutches. They are immune to witch spells and curses.
Years later, there is a young woman named Mina (Pihla Viitala) who is being falsely accused of witchcraft and is to be executed. Hansel (Jeremy Renner) and Gretel (Gemma Arterton) rescue her from Sheriff Berringer (Peter Stormare) and explain that she cannot be a witch for various reasons (since they are experts). Hansel and Gretel are there because many of the children in the town have been kidnapped. They introduce themselves to the townspeople and say that they will find their children if they are still alive, but that Mina is not a witch. They have been hired by Mayor Englemann (Rainer Bock) to rescue all the children. The Sheriff also hired people to rescue the children to get some respect from the mayor, but does NOT like Hansel and Gretel.
Hansel and Gretel go after another witch and after a battle in the woods they capture her. They find a scroll which talks about the Feast of the Blood Moon. It happens once every generation and is 3 nights away. The mayor thinks it’s connected to the missing children. He gives Hansel money, promising him the rest when the children are returned. They want them to go off immediately to find the children, but they say it’s too dangerous that night and they will have to wait until the next day. However, the Sheriff wants his men to go out that night. While in the woods, they are approached by the evil witch, Muriel (Famke Janssen). She starts off pretty but turns evil and ugly. She kills all the men grossly except for one. Meanwhile, Hansel and Gretel are at a local pub. A young man named Ben (Thomas Mann) approaches them. He has a scrapbook he made of all their articles and is a huge fan and aspiring witch hunter. This is where we find out that witch magic doesn’t work on the two of them. The fourth man comes back to the pub and suddenly explodes after telling everyone that the witch killed everyone.
Muriel and the witches are getting replenished after the battle in the woods. While sleeping, Gretel has a dream of the night everything changed her mother kissing them goodnight and running into the woods.
The next morning in the market, Mina (the freed “witch”) talks to Hansel. We find out he has diabetes and has to inject himself with insulin.
In the woods we see a witch approaching a child who is crying “Daddy, I’m scared, I’m alone in the woods!” However, it is just a trap set up by Hansel and Gretel! They get into a huge battle and capture her. They bring her back to the sheriff’s office (which he is NOT happy about). They ask her about the children. For the festival, they have to sacrifice 12 children, six boys and six girls, each born in a different month, and they only need one more girl who they have already targeted. Hansel runs out to warn the family, and they are all trying to protect the girl; however, the witch starts killing everyone. The town is ablaze, and a troll has captured the little girl. Muriel is also now fighting Gretel. Ben saves her after she is knocked unconscious and they eat breakfast together. He starts asking Gretel about the witch, and if her parents really left them. They look at a book and see a picture of Gretel’s mother. We find out that she was accused of witchcraft and was killed.
Hansel is caught in a tree, and Mina finds him. She takes him to a spring to help him recuperate. He’s afraid to go in the water, so she tells him that she’ll go in with him and strips down. They go in the water (“healing waters”) and kiss. Meanwhile, Gretel goes into the woods looking for him but is attacked by Sheriff Berringer and his men. They arrest her for bringing the witches to town. She bites his nose (bloody) and they start beating her. Suddenly the troll we saw earlier comes out and gruesomely kills all the men. He takes her to a waterfall with the healing waters. She asks him why he saved her, and he tells her that trolls serve witches. He also tells her his name is Edward (Derek Mears) before leaving despite her trying to get him to stay.
Hansel starts wandering around since Mina left and finds Gretel in an abandoned cabin which is a witch’s lair. They start to leave but discover it is their childhood home. Gretel asks him if he ever wonders what happened to their parents. She’s about to tell him what she thinks about her mother when Muriel the witch shows up. She talks about Adrianna, the Grand White Witch, who was their mother. She tells them the story - their father fell in love with her and they had two beautiful children. During the Blood Moon Festival, there is a potion that can make you immune to fire, but they need the heart of the Grand White Witch. Adrianna’s was too strong, so they wanted Gretel’s, also a Grand White Witch. Their father left them in the forest to protect them, but the villagers hung him, and Adrianna was burned at the stake for being a witch they weren’t abandoned. Muriel then attacks them, stabs Hansel and takes Gretel away for the ceremony.
When Hansel wakes up, he sees Mina, who is a White Witch (good witch) also. She uses a spell to bless them, and before heading up to the top of the hill to stop the feast, they allow Ben to come with them. At the same time, Gretel wakes up in a cage, and Edward is there. The other children who have been captured are there also; however, he has to help her on the sly so he won’t get killed himself. All the witches take Gretel away and start the ceremony, with the children marching to the fire. Before they can pierce Gretel’s heart, Hansel shows up and tells them to let her go, or he will kill all of them. He and Mina start the attack with all the weapons that she had previously blessed so they would be more powerful. There is a gruesome battle that ensues as the witches are killed, the children freed, and Edward saves Gretel at the last moment before her heart is pierced, but he is thrown off a cliff by Muriel.
The sun now rises, ruining the ceremony. The witches try to escape on their broomsticks, but are shredded into pieces by wire traps that were set. Ben also manages to shoot Muriel off her broomstick. Gretel finds Edward and manages to defibrillate him back to life. Despite Ben shooting Muriel off her broomstick, she is not dead and instead, they arrive at the Gingerbread House, with Muriel threatening to kill Ben. They get into another battle, and Muriel manages to stab Mina, killing her. They go inside the house and continue to fight until finally they use a shovel to decapitate Muriel. They collect the rest of their reward and continue on their travels with Ben and Edward hunting more witches. They narrate saying that they know there are good witches, but they will take down all the ones that are practicing the dark arts.