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NOTE: This spoiler was sent in by Scott

Selleck Motors is not having a good year.  When the movie opens we see all the salesmen standing around listlessly.  When a couple does approach a car they are greeted by one of the salesmen, Dick Lewiston (Charles Napier) a crazy old man who ends up making several sexist remarks, then gets in a fistfight with the husband.

Inside the dealership the owner, Ben Selleck (James Brolin) watches as Dick is dragged off of the husband by some other salesmen and remarks to Wade Zooha (Tony Hale) that with their lack of sales the dealership is in financial trouble.  Another salesman Teddy Dang (Ken Jeong) comes up to them and says he thinks he has made a sale, and the customer would like to pay with unmarked bills neatly packed in a canvas bag.  It is a bag from a bank robbery and as Teddy opens it, a blue dye pack explodes in his face.  As he staggers off, Ben tells Wade that he is considering hiring a “mercenary” to come in for a weekend and help them moves some cars.  He opens his wallet to reveal Don Ready’s business card.

In Flagstaff Don Ready (Jeremy Piven) and his team Jibby (Ving Rames), Brent (David Koechner) and Babs (Kathryn Hahn) are celebrating another successful sales weekend and having breakfast in a strip club when Don gets the call from Ben.   When he gets off the phone, Don tells them they are heading out to another assignment much to the consternation of his team who tell him that they want a break as he’s had them out on the road for a year and a half.   They also comment that he’s been pushing them hard, ever since Albuquerque, where something happened.

On the plane headed toward the new job, Don and the others look over a file about the dealership including info on the owner Ben and his children, Ivy (Jordana Spiro) and Peter (Rob Riggle) who they remark that even though the file says he’s ten, the shoddy fax service at their last hotel has made it look like he has a five o’clock shadow.

Don tries to light a cigarette and when he is told by the stewardess that smoking isn’t allowed and if he tries to smoke it she’ll report it to the FAA.  He uses his sales talent and gives a huge speech about freedom and America and by the end has the whole plane cheering him on as he lights his cigarette and the plane turns into a huge party with Don doing body shots off of the stewardess.  Babs mentions again that Don hasn’t been the same since Albuquerque.

At the airport they are met by Peter Selleck who actually is ten, but has the aging disease where he has the body of a full-grown man.  Babs finds herself attracted to him, despite herself and spends the whole movie trying to seduce him which she finds difficult due to him not understanding her advances.  Ben’s daughter Ivy is there too and Don hits on her as the leave the airport.

As Ben drives them to their hotel, Don reminisces about his first sale when he was a child when he was jealous of a neighborhood kid who had a fancy Big Wheel when Don was stuck with a Hoppity-Hip.  He manages to convince the kid that the Hoppity-Hip was better and got him to trade for the Big Wheel.  It was the first time that he used “the Goods” to make a sale.  Don trails off as he remembers that he looked back and saw the other kid get kissed by his girlfriend.

They drive past the dealership and see the other salesmen standing around and Don promises Ben that they’ll get his dealership back in shape.

Don and his team are eating dinner at the Selleck house when Ivy’s fiancée Paxton Harding (Ed Helms) arrives.  Paxton works at his father’s BMW dealership and is part of Big Ups the town’s “Man Band” (a boy band with men in it) whose sole claim to fame was opening for O Town once.  He is fairly obnoxious and tells Don that there is no way they’ll be able to move any cars.  Also during dinner, Ben aggressively hits on Brent, revealing that he is a closet homosexual, and continues to pursue Brent throughout the movie, much to his discomfort.

That night, the team is at a strip club talking about the sale for the next day, which is the Fourth of July weekend and Don tells Jibby to hire some of the strippers as greeters and to hire the club’s dj, DJ Request (Craig Robinson) for the first day of the sale as they will have Bo Bice’s brother Eric Bice for the second day.

The next day at the dealership Babs and Jibby are reassuring the local salesmen while in the back room Brent is helping Don psyche himself up.   Don comes out and whips the salesmen in a patriotic fury by stating examples of famous American battles that ends up causing Dick and then the rest of the salesmen to attack Teddy because they think he is Japanese instead of Korean.

The salespeople walk outside to see a large group of people literally pounding on the dealership gates and screaming to get inside.  The first day of the sale goes extremely well with the local salesmen actually selling cars thanks to the tips and tricks that Don and his team have shown them.  Jibby helps Wade with a woman who is comparing one vehicle to the same model in an car ad newspaper for a thousand dollars less, Jibby offers to help her and gives her his cell phone after he dials a number.  She goes to talk to the owner of the ad that asks her in a creepy voice if she wants to see his basement and “put lotion on her skin”.  She freaks out and hangs up and says she’ll take their car and Jibby says he hates car ad newspapers because they’re like “Craigslist for rapists.”  As he walks away he high fives Don as it was really his phone that Jibby called and Don pretending to be the creepy ad owner.

Inside the dealership Wade enters his office to find Brent shredding all of his photos of his overweight children since people will only buy cars from guys with skinny kids since it will make customers think he needs the money to help feed his kids.  Wade asks if Brent wants to shred the photo of his fat wife who is scowling out of another photo and Brent tells him no, that the fat wife will make people pity Wade and make them buy cars from him.  He says that the photo of Wade’s wife is the best fat wife photo he’s seen in years and asks if he can have a copy of it.

Don calls Brent over and asks him if there is anything familiar about the dealership’s youngest salesman Blake who had sold more cars than any of the other local guys.  They watch as he does one of Don’s celebratory moves after selling another car and Don admits that when he had been town once before 23 years ago he had hooked up with a woman and not worn a condom.  He asks Brent if he thinks maybe Blake is his son and one of the running jokes is how Don is sort of creeping Blake out  by trying to be a dad to him by doing stuff like playing catch with him.

At the end of the day, they have sold over 70 cars including Babs pulling off a rare type of sale where a customer trades in a car and is then sold that exact same car later.  Don congratulates them and tells them there is only one way to celebrate a good day like this, karaoke.

As Don walks out, Ben stops him to thank him for doing such a good job and Don points out a Trans Am that sits on display in the front of the lot that he says they need to sell.  Ben says that it is one of the five cars used in Smokey and the Bandit, and he will only sell it for 200,000 dollars.  As they’re talking, Paxton drives up with his father, Stu Harding (Alan Thicke) who tells Ben that they’re impressed by his day’s sales, but says that it won’t help and he is willing to buy the dealership from him since Paxton and his Man Band need a new practice space.  Ben eventually agrees to sell the lot to Harding, but tells Don that he and his team will still get paid.  Don, refuses, and bets Harding that if he can sell every car on the lot that Ben will keep his dealership and if he loses then he’ll leave town and Ben gets one weekend with Brent.  Ben agrees and Don reassures him that he’s got a script for a new TV ad for him to do tomorrow that never fails to get people in to the dealership.

That night at the bar where the salesmen are singing karaoke Don’s team are mad that Don made this deal when they could’ve just left town with their money (and Brent’s mad because he’s been promised to Ben) and ask Don if it’s because of what happened in Albuquerque.  Don angrily tells them it’s not and then goes on stage to sing.  Ivy hears them talking and asks Jibby and Babs about Albuquerque, but they say they can’t tell her.

The next day starts off with them watching the new ad where Ben announces that he’s dying but the ad backfires and many people turn up at the dealership, but it is only to console Ben’s family.  As people mill about the lot, DJ Request continues to bring the mood down by playing bagpipe funeral music and when Wade asks him to play something happier he angrily plays something even more depressing.  A running joke is that DJ Request never plays any song that someone requests and will actually play the opposite of what they ask for.

The second day is not going well and things get worse when Eric Bice doesn’t show up to entertain the large crowd that came to see him.  Don jumps up and his terrible version of a Bob Seger song causes Dick to lead the crowd into a riot that requires the police to stop.   In the pandemonium, someone cuts down the Stilt man Uncle Sam and turns alligators loose in the lot.

At Harding’s lot Paxton and his band are practicing in the dealership and Paxton promises them that they’ll soon have a new practice space.  Stu comes in and says not to talk so fast and turns on the TV where the news shows that Don has turned the disaster of the riot around and used the news coverage to announce that cops (or anybody dressed like a cop or even says the word cop) gets 20% off any car and if you find an alligator in your car, you get another 500 dollars off.

At the end of the day, Don is sitting in the Smokey and the Bandit car when Ivy joins him and compliments him on turning the day around.  He tells her that it was his fault, as he lost focus just like in Albuquerque.  She then asks him again about what happened and he tells her about how his friend McDermott (Will Ferrell) died when Don had him jump out of a plane dressed as Abe Lincoln, but accidently gave him a bag full of sex toys instead of the parachute because he was distracted by hooking up with a woman in the back of one of the cars.

That night, Don is in his hotel room when Ivy visits him and the two have sex.  The next morning Don brings her breakfast and tells her that he’s happy that she’s going to give them a chance, but is upset when Ivy tells him that it was just a one night stand and she won’t leave Paxton because she doesn’t want a life on the road with Don.  An upset Don tells her that the only thing he believes in now is the cars and storms out of the room.

He ends up wandering into the desert, missing the last day of the sale.  At the dealership, everyone is depressed that Don’s missing, but Teddy ends up psyching them all up and saying that they don’t need Don to sell cars and they can do it for him.  Re-energized both Don’s team and the local salesmen charge out onto the lot and manage to sell the rest of the cars.

Don eventually wanders into a junk yard in the desert where he sees a vision of McDermott who tells him (with the help of two singing angels) that he needs to change his life, that living on the road is kind of sad at his age and he needs to set down roots and also insults him because he is still mad about Don killing him.  Don realizes that his team and family (Blake who he still thinks is his son) are important and they need him back at the lot.  He finds an airport and has them fly him over the dealership where, with the help of a skydiving instructor, he jumps out and parachutes down to the lot.

When he lands he is happy to find that they have sold all the cars and congratulates them for saving the lot.  Paxton shows up with his father and tells him that he loses the bet because there is still one car left on the lot, the Smokey and the Bandit Car.  Don walks over to the car with Paxton and begins to talk to him by asking him why he hasn’t quit the car business to focus on his music and paints a vivid verbal picture of a future Big Ups show that ends with Paxton taking the stage in the Trans Am.  Paxton excitedly offers to buy the Trans Am to the astonishment of the other salesmen.  Don has sold the last car on the lot and announces that he’s giving up the road to settle with the now single Ivy and his “son” Blake.  Blake again tries to tell him that he’s not Don’s son, but after a glare from Brent (who had earlier threatened him if he didn’t pretend to be Don’s son) he hugs his "father".

During the credits we see what happens to some of the characters afterward, including that Don marries Ivy and they adopt Blake and run the dealership as a family, but they end up getting divorced two years later.  Babs stops selling cars and becomes a nurse at a boarding school for boys where Peter is enrolled, showing she is still trying to seduce him. 


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