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UK Quad
Movie Poster
Elisha Cuthbert
Old School


movie trailer ( - quicktime)

NOTE: This spoiler was sent in by Alucard who says... " I really liked this movie, but it isn't for everyone. People who are on the fence about seeing it should read the spoiler first before deciding to go and see it. The movie also messes with the viewer, showing one scene and it not being real, which can lead to some confusion. Either way, I really liked it and thought it was a blast."

As the movie opens, we see shots of a girl's hand and lips, and someone taking pictures of it. From the strange shots, the audience believes its a porno movie, but finally we zoom out, and we see its only a student getting her senior year class picture taken.

After the opening titles, the movie quickly introduces some jock-like characters all talking about what they remember the most about their high school experiences, mostly getting drunk and having sex. Through this, we see a nerdy kid named Ryan talking about how he won the math fair and other academic activities. Finally, after him, we meet our protagonist, a hard-working straight A student named Matt Kidman. After his class picture is taken, he struggles to remember what his high school experiences are. We then see shots of him at his mail box getting an acceptance to Georgetown University and him doing all sorts of academic work. Like any high school teen though, Matt is desperate to get noticed and liked, and we see shots of him staring jealously at the jocks and their girls.

The movie then cuts to an assembly in the gym where the entire senior class is sitting in the bleachers. Matt, being the student council president has to address his senior class. He first says that he finally raised enough money (about 25,000 dollars) to bring a genius Cambodian student named Samyung over to America so he can study at the high school and go to college, which he can't do in Cambodia. Supposedly the kid actually taught himself calculus without even opening a textbook. Matt then shows the class a video of Samyung in Cambodia, and we see a foreign student who seems very optimistic about coming to America. The class laughs at it, much to Matt's dismay.

In the next scene, we meet Matt's two friends, Klitz, a nerdy kid who recently got accepted to Yale, and Eli, an aspiring film student who seems more into porn then his actual choice of career. The three of them watch a bunch of jocks and their girls cut school, and Matt wonders why they can do it so easily. Matt then tries to convince Klitz and Eli to go with him and cut school like they do, but they back out. We then see shots of the jocks putting paper and cardboard over their license plates on their cars. They do this so they can speed past the police officer guarding the gate where they leave school from. After the jocks leave, we see Matt get into his car and start to follow them out. In the next scene, we see the jocks blow past the police officer while Matt trails behind them. The officer speeds next to Matt, yelling at him to pull over. Matt steps on the gas, and the officer plows head on into another car.

Wait...the movie fooled us again. The whole scene where Matt was leaving the school was just a ploy, Matt is sitting in his car, he never left school. He leaves his car and doesn't cut at all.

We then see Matt come home, and he enters his house where his parents and two family friends are having coffee. They ask Matt about Georgetown, and Matt tells them that he needs to read a speech at a celebration dinner before he can actually go to Georgetown, he needs to receive a scholarship to do so since his parents can't afford to send him flat out. If he wins the dinner competition, he gets the scholarship, if not, no Georgetown.

Later that night as Matt is taking out the trash, he looks to his right, and sees a beautiful girl walk into the house next to his (hence the girl next door :P). Matt is so captivated by her, we walks right into the trash can.

Later, Matt is in his room and on the phone with Eli. He tries to tell Eli about her, but Eli's only advice for him  is to have sex with her. Matt tells him no, and yells at him for watching porn while he's on the phone with him. Then, Matt peers into the window across from his, and he sees the girl getting undressed. Matt promptly hangs up the phone and watches the show. Suddenly, the girl turns around and sees him. Matt panics, and ducks in front of the window to get out of her view. After a minute, he gets up, and the shades are closed to the girl's window. He then sees the girl, now dressed, walking towards his house probably to complain to his parents. Matt panics again when he hears the doorbell and his parents ask him to come down. He does, preparing for the worst.

However, his parents just introduce him to the girl, who is a niece of their next door neighbor. She's housesitting at the current time and her name is Danielle. His parents ask him if he can show her around the neighborhood, and he quickly agrees.   

In the car, Danielle is driving and Matt is sitting passenger. Danielle asks him if he liked what he saw. Matt quickly apologizes. Danielle asks him "what do we do about this?"

The next scene, we see Matt stripping in front of the car, while Danielle is in the car watching. He's in his boxers and Danielle yells for him to take them off, which he does. Now naked, Danielle takes his underwear and drives away, leaving Matt naked in the middle of a random street.

Matt quickly finds an inflatable donut and uses it to cover himself, as he runs down the street trying to find Danielle, with people on the sidewalk staring and pointing at him. A few minutes later, Danielle pulls up next to him laughing and invites him back in the car.

The two are now in a diner, Matt (now dressed) is still upset about the incident. Danielle tells him to relax, and she draws him a picture of a girl's face on a place mat. Matt asks her if she has a boyfriend and she replies no. Matt then asks if she is going to ask him if he has a girlfriend, and she again replies no. After the diner, she drops him off at home.

The next day, Matt is explaining this to Klitz and Eli who are having a fencing match. Eli is screaming at him because he didn't kiss her, and then proceeds to beat up Klitz who he is fighting. Matt then spends the rest of the day angry that he didn't as well.

Later on in class, Matt looks out the window and sees Danielle outside waiting for him, signaling for him to come out. Matt cuts class and hops into Danielle's car. The two of them then start spending a lot of time together. Matt isn't really able to get much response out of her from where she's from, she only tells him she quit her job and wants to start over.

One night when the two of them are out driving, Danielle pulls the car over in front of a random house. She leaves the car and tells Matt to follow her. Matt then proceeds to follow her into someone's backyard, who has an in ground pool. She strips and goes into the pool and tells him to come in. Matt, worried that someone in the house is home and they will be seen says no, but quickly changes his mind, strips down to his boxers and goes into the pool.

The two of them stay in the pool together until they see a light go on in the house. Matt also sees a man in the house, and its the principal of his school, Mr. Salinger. The two grab their clothes, get dressed and run away.

The next scene, we see Eli and Klitz at Eli's house watching a porn. Klitz is disgusted by it but Eli says that he will learn to love it one day. Suddenly, the doorbell rings. Eli goes to answer the door and its Danielle, who tells him that she's all wet and asks if she can come in. Eli is stunned. Matt then appears from behind her and tells them to get their stuff because they're going to a party.

Danielle runs to the bathroom first though, when she leaves, Eli and Klitz give Matt a look of shock, Matt simply replies "I know".

The four of them then go to a house party, being thrown by the jocks of the high school. They enter, and are suddenly approached by jocks, who take an instant liking to Danielle. Matt tries to stay with her, but one jock tells him the party is full and he has to leave. Matt is angry, but he doesn't leave, instead he walks right up to Danielle and kisses her for the first time.

The next day at school, Eli runs up to Matt and tells him he needs to have a look at something. The two of them go into the AV room, and Eli tells Matt he better sit down. Eli puts in a tape, and we see what seems to be a martial arts movie. However, we then see Danielle, with dyed hair come up to two karate students and they all begin to have sex.

It turns out in Danielle's past, she was a porn star.

Matt is shocked and doesn't know what to do, but Eli tells him to relax and he will help him through it. Figuring that she wants to have sex, Eli suggests he gets her drunk, rents a motel room, and have sex with her. Matt is disgusted but he figures what the hell.

When Matt goes home, he finds Danielle sitting with his parents in the living room looking at his baby pictures. Matt, unable to get the movie images out of his head imagines her having sex with his parents, he flips out and runs upstairs. Danielle follows him and asks what is wrong, he says nothing is wrong and he still wants to go out that night.

That night, Matt is driving the car this time and like a moron, he follows Eli's advice. He shows her a bottle of liquor, saying he got her a present. She asks if he is trying to get her drunk, and he says no and he just wants to party. Next, Eli told him to constantly touch her face so it would get her in the mood for sex. He does, but she is only left wondering what the hell he is doing. He then rents a motel room and brings her to the room. She sprawls herself onto the bed, but instead of getting ready for sex, she yells at him, saying that all his intentions were the whole evening was to get a porn star drunk and to have cheap sex with her.

She runs out of the room and he follows her, apologizing, saying he saw a tape of hers and didn't know what to do. He asks her why she didn't tell him, and she says that she liked him because he was different from everyone in her past, who just wanted to use her. He tries to apologize again but she blows him off and leaves.

The next day in school, Matt is forced to endure a terrible sex ed movie in class which the whole class laughs at. After that, he talks with Eli and Klitz and tells them what happened. Eli yells at him for coming on too strong, and Matt is ready to kill him because Eli was the one who told him to do so in the first place. Klitz then tells him that he just has to try and talk to her, which he says ok to.

When Matt gets home, he walks next door to find Danielle. She answers the door, and he tries to explain himself when suddenly he sees a punked up guy in her living room. His name is Kelly, and he was a producer of Danielle's porn star movies and he's trying to get her back in the business. He takes a very friendly approach to Matt, and invites him to come along with him and Danielle to go out that evening.

Kelly takes Matt and Danielle to a strip club. Matt is extremely disoriented but Kelly tells him to keep his cool. He orders them drinks, and Danielle leaves to go to the bathroom. Kelly realizes that Matt has taken a liking to Danielle and Kelly explains that she and him dated as well. He tells her that she belongs in the porno industry, which Matt refuses to believe. Suddenly, one of Matt's parent's family friends enters the club, and Matt is shocked because the man is married. Kelly calls the man over and tells him to buy Matt a lap dance. Matt and the family friend both get lap dances together, he asks Matt how the scholarship is going and Matt tells him its going fine.

The next day in school, Eli is shocked to find out Matt got a lap dance and wants to hear every minute of it. Matt tells him about Kelly and Eli tells him not to worry, him and Danielle are probably finished. Matt looks outside and sees Kelly talking to three girls, trying to recruit them for the porno industry. Matt walks over to him, and Kelly still takes a buddy-buddy tone with him. He tells the girls that Matt is one hell of a partier and he shows them a bag of pot, claiming that Matt gave it to him. The girls are excited and want to hang out with them, but Kelly pulls Matt away and they jump into a car and drive away. Kelly tells Matt that any time he deals with girls, always leave making them want more.

The two then go into a bank, Matt checking on the status of Samyung's account. Matt fools the clerk by telling her that Kelly is his faculty advisor, and Kelly begins flirting with the clerk. Matt is stunned by Kelly and admires the way he does these types of things.

The next day, Matt finds Kelly and Danielle loading up Danielle's car. Matt asks what is going on and Kelly tells him that he's taking her to an adult film convention in Las Vegas so she can meet and greet fans. The two of them drive off.

Matt explains what has happened to Eli and Klitz and asks for their help. The two agree to go with him to Las Vegas to save Danielle before she falls back into her old lifestyle.

The three of them drive to Las Vegas and enter the convention. Its a big, posh place with topless girls over and such. Eli starts taking pictures when he is approached by a security guard who yells "no press!!" at him. Eli explains he is only a high school student and the guard lets him go. Matt finds Danielle, who is surrounded by fans, he approaches her and tries to tell her to leave, much to Kelly's dismay. Kelly takes him into a back room and throws him against the wall, instantly losing the buddy-buddy tone of his. He tells Matt to leave and let him take Danielle back. Kelly leaves after the threat, but Matt decides he isn't giving up.

Matt meets Klitz and Eli again and he says he needs to give something to Danielle. Eli and Klitz want to go home, but Matt says just a little longer. Matt then leaves, and Eli and Klitz pose as porn movie directors to get into a back room. They are approached by a stripper and her big buff boyfriend, who try to convince the two of them to use her in one of their upcoming movies. Klitz says he will, and he gets an opportunity to touch her breasts when suddenly, the security guard from before enters and tells the boyfriend that they aren't directors and are only high school students. This leads to a hilarious chase scene where Eli and Klitz are running away from the boyfriend. Meanwhile, Matt finally finds Danielle again and gives her a piece of paper, he says he knows the real her and this is not her, and he leaves. Danielle opens the paper to find that it is the picture that she drew Matt of the girl's face back in the diner.

The three leave and drive home exhausted. The next morning, Matt hears a knock on his door, and its Danielle, who has left the convention to come home. They hug and she offers to take him to school.

Today is a big day for Matt, as he must read his speech at the celebration dinner that evening. His main competition includes Ryan, the math nerd from the beginning of the movie. In class, Matt reads his speech and looks up to see Ryan reading his as well. Suddenly, a very irate Kelly bursts into Matt's class and grabs Matt, throwing him into the hallway. Kelly tells the class to stay in school, and he leaves, dragging Matt behind him.

Kelly takes him into a car and they drive to a dirt road where Kelly stops the car. Kelly tells Matt he's out 30,000 dollars because Danielle left the convention. Matt apologizes and tells him he will find a way to pay him back. Kelly then unzips his pants and tells Matt he has to give him a blow job. Matt is disgusted, but Kelly laughs and says he was just kidding. Suddenly though, Kelly punches Matt five or six times in the face, leaving him with a bloody forehead and nose. Kelly then apologizes, saying he lost his temper and offers to give him some aspirin, which Matt takes.

The two of them then walk up to a very expensive house. Kelly explains that man named Hugo lives here, who also worked on Danielle's movies with him. He says that Hugo screwed him out of winning an award and Kelly tells Matt if he breaks into Hugo's house and gets him the award, he won't bother him or Danielle again. Matt agrees and enters the house. Kelly then pulls out a cell phone and calls the cops, reporting a break in.

Matt runs though the house and finds the award, which is gold, and in the shape of a penis. The award says the movie that he won it for is entitled "Chitty Chitty Gang Bang". Matt grabs the award and then looks up, seeing Hugo staring back at him. Hugo whistles, and Matt is attacked by a gigantic parrot. Matt makes his way out of the house and finds Kelly driving away giving him the middle finger. Matt then sees the cops coming, so he runs into a patch of woods near the house. He quickly takes out his cell phone and calls for help.

Eli and Klitz pick him up, with Danielle in tow. Matt begins laughing uncontrollably and Danielle explains that Kelly likes to slip people ecstasy when they are unsuspecting, as he did with Matt and the aspirin. Matt now has to give his dinner speech while tripping on the ecstasy.

They enter the dinner and Matt is a mess, touching everyone around him and acting crazy. Danielle just tells him to act as natural as he can, but people are already suspicious of his odd behavior. When it is Matt's turn to go, he goes on stage and throws his notecards to the side. Surprisingly however, Matt pulls off a decent speech about connecting with someone special (which obviously he meant for Danielle). The crowd applauds him. Unfortunately for Matt however, he loses the scholarship to Ryan and must find a new way to get money for Georgetown.

The next day, Matt heads down to the bank to check on the funding for Samyung. The bank clerk from before tells Matt that his faculty advisor (meaning Kelly, from before when he came in with Matt) came in and took the money. However, Kelly was never the faculty advisor in the first place, and he just walked away with the money in Samyung's account. We then see a shot of Samyung in Cambodia, crying, telling his mom that Matt fucked him over, his mom then calls Matt a son of a bitch. Matt explains to the clerk that Kelly was never his real faculty advisor, and the clerk explains that Matt better recover the money ASAP or else he can go to jail.

Matt explains his dilemma to Danielle, who has a plan. She says she will call in two of her porn star friends and they can find actors, make a porno movie, and send it to Hugo who will buy it from them giving them the money. Matt thinks it is a bit outrageous, but he has no other ideas so he goes along with it.

Him and Danielle then go to Hugo, where Matt apologizes for the earlier incident and gives him back his award. Hugo agrees to buy the movie if they can complete it

Matt explains his plan to Eli and Klitz, and asks Eli to direct it, Eli being the film student. Eli agrees, but Klitz doesn't. Eli then explains to Klitz that the three of them are a tripod, and when one leg falls, so do the other two. Klitz then agrees to help. Eli calls in some of his friends from the AV club to film it, and as soon as the porn stars arrive, they get to work.

The filming takes place at prom night, where Matt and Danielle go to the prom together and Eli, Klitz and the others film the movie in the school library where nobody is in at the moment. Matt quickly recruits some jocks to be the actors in the movie, and they agree. However, one of the jocks is the one that kicked Matt out of the party earlier in the movie, Matt gives him the same treatment.

At the prom, a teacher is suspicious of Matt and the camera crew, Matt telling them it was for video yearbook, the teacher watches Matt carefully. Matt and Dainelle slowdance at the prom, and Danielle kisses his hand when suddenly, Eli calls him, saying there is a problem.

Matt runs up to the library where they find out that one of the jocks can't get aroused for the big climatic scene. Eli asks Klitz to do it, but he refuses, Matt says that he will do it because it was his mess in the first place.

Matt goes into a room and changes out of his tuxedo. He gets into his boxers and the filming is about to take place when suddenly, the teacher from before comes in and demands an explanation.

The movie tricked us again....that last scene didn't happen. Matt is in the room, but is second guessing his decision he just made. He then looks at his hand and sees Danielle's lip print from the kiss before. He doesn't get changed and tells everyone he can't do the scene. Klitz then comes in and says he will do it, bringing up the tripod theory again. Klitz goes off and does the scene.

The movie is done being filmed, and the cast & crew celebrate in a limo over drinks. The night ends well, and the next morning, the limo drops Matt back at his house. Suddenly, before entering his house, Matt gets a call from a panicing Eli. He says he cannot find the tape of the movie. Matt is hopeless and goes into his house, where he finds Kelly having a talk with his parents and the principal of the school. Kelly asks the parents and principal to leave so he can talk to Matt alone. Kelly has the sex tape, and says he will show it to his parents and principal if Matt doesn't give him the money he gets for it. Matt tells him he doesn't care anymore, and tells Kelly to show it. Kelly gleefully smiles and invites everyone into the living room to watch it.

Kelly puts the tape in, and instead of a porno, we see a modern day sex ed video. It turns out all along the group was making a sex ed video to actually make teens think before doing sexual acts, unlike the one that was shown earlier in the movie. The parents and principal love the idea and Kelly's scam is foiled.

Matt sells the tape to Hugo and the tape makes millions. He also gets enough money for Georgetown and gets to stay with Danielle forever.

Klitz goes to Yale and becomes a legend all over for the big climatic scene, which was simply placing a condom over a penis for safe sex.

Eli becomes a famous director without even going to film school.

And finally, Samyung comes to America and shakes hands with Matt, who angrily tells him he better find a cure for cancer after all he went through to get him here.


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