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DODGEBALL

movie trailer (apple.com - quicktime)

NOTE: This short but sweet spoiler was sent in by Baconizer2000, and I'm telling you right now, you must visit his baconizer website. WARNING: It's addictive!

Peter La Fleur is an average, level-headed guy who runs a gym for losers, where they're allowed to stay outcasts, at least as defined by Hollywood character type casting.

His rival, White Goodman, runs a chain of futuristic fitness centers. It turns out that he used to be an obese slob, but he used a life-changing event and a hefty inheritance to turn his life around.

La Fleur is about to lose his gym to Goodman unless he can come up with a whopping $50,000. Fortunately there's a dodgeball tournament coming up in Vegas, with that same amount as the prize. So if they can win it, and somehow find a way to cover the costs of getting there and competing, they'll save their gym. Oh, right, it's Hollywood. They just need to win. You know they will, so it's a matter of how that journey will pan out as well.

The team shapes up to include Peter as the level-headed average guy bankrolling them, such as it is. Gordon the middle-aged loser. Justin the high school loser. Owen the community college grad loser. Dwight the guy from the hood who doesn't want to go back to working at the airport for some reason (I must have missed that movie), and Steve the Pirate.

They're joined by the Kate Veatch, the bank's auditor, who's working on the sale of the gym to Goodman. She turns out to have a wicked underhand toss learned from her softball days, and is the balancing interest on the team.

Naturally Average Joe's and Global Gym make it to the finals. Joe's gets there through a combination of a girl scout testing positive for steroids, a foot fault, and other bad luck. The global guys get their because they're in shape.

Everything comes to a head the night before the big final. Their coach, legendary dodgeball champion Patches O'Houlihan, is crushed to death by a neon "Luck o' the Irish" sign in a faux-Irish casino. Goodman offers to buy LaFleur out for $100,000. LaFleur is sitting in the airport bar contemplating skipping out on the final, when Lance Armstrong comes by, recognizes him from the shows, and gives him his support. When Peter says he's jamming out on the game, Armstrong understands that given that he fought back from triple-cancer to win five Tour de France races, whatevers eating at Peter must be pretty big. Since losing your cruddy gym can't compare to the hand Armstrong was dealt, Peter has to show up at the last minute. Along with Justin, who was out helping Amber's cheerleader team win their tournament when his arch nemesis fell off the roller coaster and broke every bone in his body, the way Dwight predicted.

Chuck Norris allows the final to go ahead on a technicality, and it all ends up with a foot-fault and sudden overtime. LaFleur blindfolds himself with Patches' scarf, dodges Goodman's throw, and comes back with a dead-on win. And since the Joes were a 50-1 long shot, the $100K Goodman paid him turned out to pay off with $5 million, which he uses to buy Goodman's publicly traded gym. He fires Goodman, who ends up watching ads for the new kinder gentler gym, back on the couch, back in his 500-pound body.

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