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European Gigolo

movie trailer (quicktime)

NOTE: This quick little spoiler was sent in by SilentBobTwin.

The movie starts out at a pretty swank mansion in Europe. Hot wife sleeping with hot..gigolo.  Uh oh, the husband comes home.  She slips the gigolo some money, "thanks for last night."  He runs out of the room and jumps down to the first floor avoiding the husband. He runs in to the old maid.  She slips him some money, "thanks for last night." He gets out of the house and runs in to the gardener, I believe it was, you guessed it though, the gardener slips him some money, "thanks for last night."  The "man-ho" hops in his red sports car and speeds away.  He passes a truck and stops just at the train tracks.  The big truck stops behind him and then pushes the gigolo in to the trains path killing him.

Cut to the United States. A news crew is covering a story about blind people getting the chance to swim with dolphins, aww, how sweet.  Deuce (Rob Schneider) is on the beach working on a device that will prevent the beaching of whales. Meanwhile some kids are ribbing him about being a male whore.  They wrestle over the device and end up setting it off in the water. This causes the dolphins to go nuts and blind people are being taken out left and right.

Deuce is back at home and we learn about Kate (see the first Deuce Bigalow movie) They got married, but she died on the honeymoon. They were in Mexico and she was apparently attacked by a turtle. All that Deuce has left of her is her fake leg.  He's watching tv when the phone rings. It's TJ (Eddie Griffin) he wants him to come visit in Amsterdam.  Deuce is reluctant, but then after watching the news he agrees. (he's wanted for the dolphin incident).

Cut to Amsterdam. Deuce is walking around with an American flag shirt on. Some guy yells and throws a brick at him calling him an imperialistic bastard and so on.  Another lady absolutely loves America and then gets a brick in the mouth.  Deuce comes to a boat and realizes that it belongs to TJ. If they were going to make a sequel to Soul Plane, but use a boat, this would be the boat.  They go inside the boat, but it's flooded. TJ doesn't seem to mind, he even tells Deuce not to pee on his toilet seat despite the fact that the water is up to the toilet.

TJ and Deuce go to a coffee shop. TJ has some marijuana laying out and Deuce is kinda worried about it.  TJ explains that you go to a cafe for coffee and a coffee shop for weed. At this point a cop rolls in and Deuce is freaking out.  The cop comes over, pulls out a lighter, and tells TJ that he'll roll the next one.  Deuce learns that it's legal, but it's still not for him.  Instead he orders Space Cake, not realizing that it contains marijuana.  He says it's dry, but not bad.  Deuce ends up eating 20 plates of space cake and he's tripping.  He goes in to a painting of a Dutch girl at a windmill and she says that she is looking for a man who is unemployed and went to community college. Deuce replies, "I am and I did!"  He dives head first in to her chest and is awakened when TJ slaps him. Deuce is all over TJ's nipple, but it's okay he's got an extra.  Deuce leaves the coffee shop and goes down an alley. Around the corner a man-ho and client are just finishing. Deuce is still buzzed, but he notices an animal print jacket and the woman is whistling a tune.  The man-ho has actually been stabbed and the woman walking away is the killer. Deuce thinks the guy is just sleeping so he takes him back to TJ's boat.  Deuce turns on the TV and discovers nude weather forecasting  He tries to wake up the man-ho to show him, but no use. TJ comes in and realizes that the gigolo is dead.  He takes him out of the boat and tries to toss him in the water.  He's heard rumors and wonders what all the fuss is about his unit, so before he tosses him in he decides to take a peek.  Just as he unzips the dead gigolos pants, a tour boat full of Asian tourists drive by. Cameras and camcorders are all on TJ.  He keeps screaming he's not gay, but a lot of good that does in this situation.  TJ gets away because he is now a suspect in the man-whore killing case and Deuce is taken in for questioning.

Deuce won't give up his friend to the detective because TJ is innocent.  He learns some valuable information that will help him find the killer.  The killer wears a leopard print jacket, wears a certain shade of lipstick ( a rare kind that isn't made anymore), and whistles a certain tune.

Deuce goes to a chicken and waffles restaurant because that's where black people hang out and who does he find, TJ. This scene is pretty funny as TJ explains that the Dutch were the first to establish a chicken AND waffles restaurant and then Deuce says something like the initiated the slave trade and TJ turns on the Dutch, "Those moth......" you get the idea.  So now TJ talks Deuce in to coming out of retirement and getting back in the man-whoring game.  Deuce is reluctant, but agrees to help clear TJ.

They go to the man-whore union and Deuce steps up saying that he will track down the real killer.  Everyone laughs and Deuce gets tossed out.  He was trying to get a little black book. This book contains every customer that every gigolo has had for a while. At a restaurant they meet up with Antoine, who was the main gigolo from the last movie.  Antoine has the little black book and wants to help out TJ so he offers it to Deuce, but first he warns him: Woman in Europe are different than in America. It takes something special to pleasure them. Just as he is about to teach Deuce how to give pleasure he chokes on food. Deuce imitates him thinking it's how to give pleasure, but really Antoine is choking. It's pretty funny. TJ saves Antoine, the food flys out of his mouth in to the mouth of a woman. People notice that TJ is "attacking" Antoine and panic.  He grabs the black book and they run out of the building.

Now Deuce is ready to start man-whoring. The first woman is the biggest lady he's ever seen. While she dresses him up like a baby, TJ goes in the upstairs looking for evidence.  He seems some fries by the toilet and starts to eat them, but drops them in...5 second rule. Yeah, He really does. He goes #1 and the cat attacks him, it's not a good day for TJ. At some point Deuce meets the detectives daughter or niece, I don't remember, Eva. She's a really nice girl, but she's VERY OCD.  She can't touch doorknobs, when someone sneezes she hits herself three times, etc. They start hanging out and a romance begins to blossom.  Before she can go on a date she has to eat sardines, do something else, and drink a beer out of a wooden clog. Deuce makes it all happen and they go to an aquarium. It's a funny scene with Fred Armisen, he plays a stereotypical frenchmen. Meanwhile, Deuce is still "dating" to find the killer.  He meets some interesting ladies: A woman who smokes a lot, even though she has a hole in her throat. A woman who has a male sex organ for a nose. Yes, she sneezes and it's gross..but hilarious. I can't remember any more of the ladies, but I'm sure I was laughing the entire time.

Deuce is walking Eva to work, he still doesn't know where or what she does, she's embarrassed.  He lets her go in and then realizes it's a porno set.  Hundreds of guys and a donkey are lined up and Deuce freaks out. He runs in and tosses a little-person out the window because he thinks he was on Eva, but he wasn't.  Eva is actually an artist and she was painting a mural on the wall.  The midget comes in and gives Deuce a shot in the groin.  Naturally, he's a little embarrassed.

TJ and Deuce break in to the Union once again and look at the hall of fame of man-whoring.  They get busted and run, but TJ hides in a tanning bed where a man-whore was locked in and cooked to death.  TJ is caught and arrested and Deuce feels like a failure.

The Man-Whore Awards are coming up and Deuce needs to up his game.  He's at Eva's place and she's taking a shower.  He notices a leopard print jacket in the closet. He checks the pocket and finds the rare lipstick.  Then he hears her whistling the same tune he heard the killer whistle earlier.  She gets out of the shower and in his paranoid mind thinks she's threatening his life, but really she's working on the fire and wanting to seduce him.  Scared, Deuce runs and runs and runs all the way to the detective and tells him that Eva is the killer. The detective pulls out a gun and that they have to arrest her.

Eva goes in to the detectives room (they live together) and sees a model of the Man-Whore Awards stage, a ticket, and a remote.  She pieces it together. The detective is the killer.  Detective comes in, takes the ticket and the remote, and reveals his master plan.  At the end of the show all of the gigolos will gather on stage for a final act of unity and when they do, KABOOM!  The detective fakes a sneeze so she hits herself allowing him time to put the doorknob on the door and shut it (she can't touch doorknobs for some reason).

The detective and Deuce drive off and Eva finally overcomes the doorknob thing. As she chases them down, she tries to scream that the detective is the killer. Deuce figures it out, after the detective spells it out...but why is he killing gigolos?

FLASHBACK!! The detective wanted to be a gigolo.  He was in man-whore college and the lesson of the day was a Portuguese Breakfast. A girl was on the table and Norm MacDonalds character is giving the lesson. A young detective asks what his friend is doing and he said using a penis pump.  He wants to borrow it so he will be ready for the lesson, but he looks at the girl and it's his girlfriend or fiance' or mother, I don't really remember, but it was so shocking to him that the pumped too much and popped his wanker.  Everyone laughs and he could never give a woman pleasure.

There's a car wreck, Eva and Deuce get to the awards, Deuce threatens with a bomb and the detective comes in.  Conveniently, the giant statues on stage, which are modeled after the award (a naked man), have swords in them (guess where?)  Deuce and the detective sword fight, and Deuce explains that there are more ways to pleasure a woman than just sex. The man-whores disagree, but the woman customers all agree with Deuce. This causes a lot of gigolos to pull vegetables out of their pants ( a cucumber in tinfoil a la Spinal Tap) Back to the fight. Deuce is disarmed, but  a sandbag falls on the detective or something. Everyone cheers...the nose lady runs across the stage but trips and dives face first in to throat hole lady.  Yeah, it happens, and it's gross..but hilarious!

Deuce and Eva hug, they go outside and Deuce wins the award for Man-Whore of the Year. They hug again, but Deuce has the remote in one hand and the statue in the other and they connect blowing up the building. They scamper off quickly.  It's a happy ending.

A montage comes up telling what happens to everyone in the film, but I couldn't tell you. I do remember Norm's character. "Norm MacDonald still can't believe he doesn't have a TV show anymore."

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