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DANCE FLICK
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NOTE: This spoiler sent in by L.

The film opens with a large dance showdown. Thomas Uncles (Damon Wayans Jr.) and his crew are engaged in a fierce showdown which results in a tie. During the dance off, Thomas (literally) pisses on the competition, only to be countered with a dancer who spins so fast he drills into the floor. The judge says that the only way to settle the score is with a rematch. Thomas doesn’t want to bet someone else’s money on the match, but one of his crew says they can win if they pull off a signature move. Thomas warns against it since the person who does the move could become crippled for life. Thomas tells him that there’s no I in team and the other man starts listing words that could have an i and include others. He disregards what Thomas is saying and bets 5,000 on the outcome of the match. The judge lies about the amount of money several times, each time getting a gun pointed at his head until he announces that the winner walks away with 10,000 dollars.

Thomas’ crew member, D, takes up the challenge and does a special move on his head. However, the other team put oil on the floor and D flies out of the building and down the street while on his head. He then falls off an overpass and dies. Thomas’s team loses and their boss is pissed that they lost 5,000 dollars.

Megan White (Shoshana Bush) is on a train. A very large black woman with a bunch of kids asks if the seat next to her is taken. Her kids smack Megan into the glass. The mother sees Megan looking at a Dance catalog and asks if she dances. Megan recounts how she used to be a ballet dancer and smacked her family in the face before going to a dance competition. Her mother was on her way to the competition when she was in a crash. Ignored by people who just wanted to steal free gas, her mother was forced to get out of the car on her on. She gets hit by several cars until Halle Berry’s Catwoman hits her with her car and forces her into an open grave. Meanwhile, Megan dances for the judges in a scene which parodies Abigail Breslin’s dance routine at the end of Little Miss Sunshine until the judges throw a pie in her face. The judges reject her and then tell her that her mom died. The lady on the train, disgusted by the story, takes her kids away from Megan and leave Megan with “Punch Me” written on her and cornrows.

Thomas and his partner arrive at their boss’s house. Their boss is huge and demands that they give him the food he asked them to bring. After he eats, the boss tells them that he heard about the dance battle and that he will give them a week to get his money back or he will kill them. They leave.

Megan is picked up by her father at the train station and he asks her if she has any baggage. She responds that he left her when she was 10, her mom is dead, and that she hasn’t been on a date in a year because of her looks. Her dad cuts her off and tells her he means luggage.  She points to all the luggage covering the station and tells him they’re hers. He takes her to his rat trap apartment and tells her he’s squatting.

Outside the building a rap battle occurs and the rapper brags about his latest killing spree. A crowd member tells him his rap was good and arrests him, playing back the rap as a confession. In a car next to the rappers, a mother tells her son “Ray” that “there’s no ways to beat around the bush…you’re blind son.” He tells her he knows and she tells him that he’s on his own and kicks him out of the car. He falls into an open manhole.

Megan walks around her new school with the principal and sees it is not a normal high school (the principal scolds a couple for wearing a condom, and tells a graffiti artist to use spray paint instead of permanent marker). The principal gives Megan her locker and leaves her. Megan meets her neighbor Charity, a girl with a baby who gave birth during a dance off. Megan is surprised that Charity brings her baby to school with her, and Charity says it’s so she knows her baby is safe. Charity then hangs her baby in the locker and leaves for class.

In class, an overweight girl name Tracy flirts with a boy named Jack. Tracy asks if Jack has a dance partner for the Romeo and Juliet performance. Jack is obviously gay, but Tracy doesn’t pick up on it. The acting professor comes in and starts asking the students what they are willing to do for art. Thomas launches into a streak of insulting Employee of the Month, while Megan defends the movie saying that she saw it four times. The teacher enjoys the debate and then points out that most actors are white and that what few roles are available are for the Wayans Brothers (a reference to the fact that they made the movie.) He tells the class that the one thing all actors have is dignity, and then establishes the fact that he sold out for money (which to him equals dignity).

Megan goes to her dance lesson with her teacher Mrs. Cameltoe goes through them and starts insulting every student. One student commits suicide from the comments. Cameltoe wants them all to step up their game.

Meanwhile, Jack is playing basketball with his dad. Jack asks if it’s ok to want to try something new and begins describing gay sex graphically. His father mistakes it for wanting to join the wrestling team. Jack is then dismissed for lunch. Megan is at lunch and tries to sit with the rich dancers but they insult her and force her to leave. Charity takes Megan to a different table and sits with two black girls who Charity sits next to look better. Charity tells Megan that Thomas is her brother when Megan calls him an asshole. Megan tries to backpedal but Charity has some fun with it.

A lunch singing dance scene takes off. Jack leads it and comes out of the closet. A girl named Nora is trying to find a dance partner but none of the guys can handle her weight. She only weighs 97 pounds. The janitor lifts her but she farts, so he throws her over his shoulder. Outside, Charity tells Megan about a dance party that’s happening that night and asks if she’s 21. Megan tells her no, so they arrange to get her an ID.

Charity and Megan meet up with her friends and Charity gives Megan a makeover in a car. When Megan comes out, she’s black. In the bar, Charity sees her baby’s dad and the dad starts flirting with Charity. She leaves Megan alone at the bar and Thomas comes over. He makes pointless small talks. Charity tells her baby daddy that they should have another kid, and he bolts. Meanwhile, Thomas hears his favorite song and asks Megan to dance.

Thomas dances around Megan and they dance in a really lame manner reminiscent of dance dance revolution. Thomas and his partner run into the dance crew they lost to early. They trade insults before bouncing out of the club. Thomas leaves pissed and Megan follows him wanting to find out more. He shrugs it off and Thomas offers to walk with Megan…so she will protect him from thugs. He tells her he enjoyed the night and offers to work on dance moves with her.

The next day they work on their dance moves. He tells her she needs to be more aggressive and then he ends up beating her brutally when she pushes him. She asks him about his partner, Akon. Thomas tells her he doesn’t want to be a thug forever and that he wants to be a doctor so that he can work on vaginas. Thomas asks about Megan’s mom and then gets her to run around the school screaming “MY MOM IS DEAD”

Charity and Megan are in her room when the Baby Daddy arrives to pick up his son. He picks him up for 5 seconds, holds him, puts him back and leaves. Thomas gets into “Just Community College” and there’s a lot of Congratulations passed around. Thomas then takes Megan out to celebrate. He takes her to a showing of “MY MOM DIED IN A CAR CRASH” a performance about Megan’s mom. Megan breaks down crying while Thomas laughs his ass off. Afterwards, Megan expresses her desire to have her mom back and stopped dancing because of her. Thomas tells her that her mom’s death was her fault since she set ridiculous expectations. Thomas tells her that if she wants to get into Julliard she needs to move passed the baggage. They’re about to kiss when some black girls walk by and Thomas pretends not to know her.

Thomas’s boss sends thugs to collect Akon and Thomas. He tries to signal Megan to call the cops by telling her to call him at 9:11, that he bought Police concert tickets and that there’s a marathon of COPS on television that she should look into. She’s oblivious so Thomas is taken to his presumed death. Thomas is pissed that Akon and Thomas don’t have his money. He enters them into the next dance battle and tells them that they better win.

Cut to basketball. The girls are playing basketball in the gym. Nora starts mocking Megan before showing that Thomas recorded them having sex (One Night in Megan) and started selling it. The two start fighting in the gym teachers controlled pool for wrestling. Jack’s dad is whipping the men’s team into shape and starts screaming at them with homosexual innuendos riddling the speech. Jack screams in support of it, and his Dad thinks it’s good team spirit and agrees with him. Charity says that Nora is just an oppressed white girl and Megan takes offense to that saying that she paid her dues. It shows Megan receiving a DUI and attempting to fellate an officer when he asks her to blow on the breathalyzer.

Meanwhile, Akon hatches a plan to kill their boss in order to avoid paying back the debt. Thomas doesn’t want to do it. During a dance session with Thomas, Megan dumps him because they spend more time defending their relationship than having one. Thomas leaves and starts dancing in the rain to vent his frustrations and prep for the dance off. During his routine he’s electrocuted by lightening.

Charity brings her son to the playground and the Baby Daddy shows up. He asks to talk and lets her know that things are going to be different and that he wants to be a better father even though he doesn’t know his son’s name. He wants his son to wake up every morning and see his face. The Baby Daddy leaves a picture of himself and tells her to hang it on the baby’s wall. He then leaves.

Thomas meets up with Akon and his friends and tells them that he’s not going to participate in a drive by on their boss. Akon tells him that he can’t go to J.C.C. like Thomas and tells him that his life is that of a gangster. They drive off to kill the boss, leaving Thomas alone.

Megan hears about the fact that Thomas is 5,000 dollars in debt and starts to set up a crew to win the dance battle. Megan grabs Tracy, Nora and Jack to form a crew to win the contest money and leaves her own school showcase to help Thomas.

Just as the winner is about to be announced by the judge, Thomas arrives and challenges the crew that beat him in the beginning. Megan arrives with her crew and the dance off begins. Akon arrives to back up Thomas telling him that someone else already took out their boss. The crews face off and pull off a well choreographed routine. Megan falls down and suffers with self doubt. She starts dancing like a stripper on a poll (including spinning around the poll with her teeth). Akon and Thomas start dancing with roller skates and shorts. Akon carries Thomas on his head and little disco balls come out of Thomas’s shorts. The Judge announces that the dance off is a tie. He gets pissed at the decision of the panel and tells the crew that each crew gets one dance move and that the audience will decide the winner. The other crew steals D performed before he died. Hope seems lost when Thomas and Akon’s fat boss arrives and starts dancing. He pulls off a killer fat man routine which impresses the judges panel and the audience. The boss crushes the leader of the other team, leaving him pressed into the floor and winning the competition.

Megan and Thomas reconcile as Mrs. Cameltoe arrives. Megan tells Mrs. Cameltoe that the only way to earn respect is on the street. Mrs. Cameltoe starts beat boxing with her vagina. On prom night, Thomas and Megan go to the dance together. Thomas asks if Megan knows her and tells her that she needs to see him in the light. He tells her he should be afraid and turns into a blue vampire. Megan tells her he’s not scary and that she’s just disappointed. He returns to normal and they dance. They’re about to kiss when Megan sees some white guys and pretends not to know Thomas.

 


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