CELESTE AND JESSE FOREVER
NOTE: This spoiler was submitted by Spectre
The film opens with a time lapse photo montage of Celeste (Rashida Jones) and Jesse (Andy Samberg). They apparently met young and had been friends for years. Sometime around college they became a couple and eventually got married. The montage is mostly positive till the end where at a dinner party Celeste is apparently arguing with Jesse over something he said.
Celeste and Jesse are in the car driving together when Celeste has to take call for her job to do a sound bite on trending. Jesse says he has some important news to tell her then only relates that some great surfing conditions have opened up. Jesse drops her off, and they do their special “love you” symbol for each other.
That night, they have dinner with their friends Beth (Ari Graynor) and Tucker (Eric Christian Olsen) who are engaged to be married. Celeste and Jesse talk in funny German accents about the food, making Beth snap at them. Beth says they are being weird. They have been separated for 6 months, they are getting divorced, and yet they spend all their time together as nothing is wrong. Celeste and Jesse balk, saying their breakup was perfect, and they (Beth and Tucker) didn’t have to choose sides. Beth leaves, not being able to handle the weirdness with Tucker leaving soon after, admitting as well that it is weird.
In the car, Celeste asks Jesse if he thinks it is weird they hang out all the time. Jesse says no, as she is his best friend.
As they get home, Celeste goes into the main house, while Jesse goes to the backyard guest house, where he has been living and doing artwork. Jesse thanks her for allowing him to stay, and they both mention how great it is to still have the other around.
The next morning, Celeste tries to get coffee before work. A guy cuts in front of a bunch of people, and Celeste calls him out on his rudeness. The guy says he was in a hurry, but Celeste counters that he should have asked permission of everyone in front of him to cut ahead.
Celeste works at a company whose sole purpose is to seek out new trends, report on them, and council new talent in said trends. Her gay co-worker Scott (Elijah Wood) asks her if she is okay about the breakup. Celeste says she is fine and bemoans the latest trends such as Riley Banks (Emma Roberts) who she calls nothing more than “a vagina and a hairdo.” Scott advises her to get out and date and to, “Get her fuck on.” Celeste balks at the last comment and Scott muses he was trying to be the stereotypical “saucy gay friend” and failed at it (a running gag).
Jesse is at a yogurt shop with his drug dealing pal Skillz (Will McCormack) talking about Celeste. Jesse thinks Celeste wants to try again but just needs more time. Skillz thinks otherwise and asks about a one night stand of Jesse’s, Veronica (Rebecca Dayan). Jesse says that was a fling and Celeste doesn’t know about it so Skillz better keep his mouth shut. Skillz convinces the yogurt girl to go on a date with Jesse.
Beth and Celeste are at a gallery. Beth tries to be quiet on the issue but finally says that Celeste is slowly breaking Jesse’s heart by letting him stay at the house. It is making him think there might be another shot with the two of them. Celeste doesn’t believe it.
Jesse goes on his date with the yogurt girl. She just talks a lot about herself. It is clear she is just a rebound for Jesse. She and Jesse go back to the guest house, something Celeste hears from her bedroom. Celeste gets slightly jealous at his attempts to move on. That morning, Celeste catches Jesse crying to a weightlifter’s triumphant lift at Beijing. Celeste asks about some artwork, but Jesse says it isn’t done yet. This appears to be one of the reason’s Celeste wanted a divorce; Jesse has problems with staying focused and keeping up his drive.
Celeste, Jesse, Beth, and Tucker go to a local bookstore to find Celeste’s new book. Jesse bumps in Veronica and awkwardly introduces her to everyone.
Jesse is out with Skillz that night when Celeste calls about needing help with an IKEA dresser. Jesse thinks it is a code from her for trying again.
Jesse tries to put the dresser together to little success. They make a monster with the parts, and drink a bunch of wine. Celeste kisses Jesse, and it proceeds to sex.
The next morning, Jesse starts to kiss Celeste when she wakes up, thinking this is the beginning of them trying again. Celeste quickly denounces their night together as a mistake, saying they were drunk. Jesse gets dressed, pissed at himself for being so stupid. He notes that she could have called someone from IKEA to put the drawers together, and she’d “probably fuck him too.” He leaves in anger with Celeste trying to talk to him.
Celeste brings Chinese food home and finds Jesse moved out his stuff. She tries to call him for several weeks, but he ignores all her calls, going on dates with Veronica.
A few weeks later, they finally meet up. Celeste wants to talk random stuff but Jesse cuts to the chase. It turns out Veronica was pregnant from their fling months ago, and he is going to try and make it work with her. Celeste excuses herself and cries in the bathroom, realizing her chances of reconciliation with Jesse have gone out the window.
At yoga, Celeste is approached by Paul (Chris Messina) who tries to ask her out, giving her his card. Celeste explains she is a trend finder,, and when Paul doesn’t believe her, she psychoanalyzes him via trends, saying he used to have a sports car but now drives an Audi, has a Droid because iPhones are for teens, and that he goes to yoga because he wanted something spiritual in his life.
Celeste tells Scott at work that Jesse is going to be a father. Scott asks her if she is okay, realizing the implications, but Celeste says she is fine, and that she has a date that night.
That night she goes on a date with Max (Rich Sommer) but the date goes bad when she realizes Jesse is at the same restaurant. That causes an awkward conversation. Max declines a second date, seeing Celeste needs more time alone. Celeste tries to say they weren’t a match, but Max just leaves not believing her bullshit.
Celeste takes up running, going a rather long distance one day. Running by a store, she sees Beth. Out of breath, she relates she ran 13.6 miles, saying it is better than yoga. Celeste asks if Beth hung out with Veronica. Beth says she found her “simple and elegant.” Celeste is hoping to find fault in Veronica. Beth thinks Celeste is having second thoughts but Celeste denies it.
Celeste goes another date. Her date, Rupert (Rafi Gavron) is a younger male model. He plays her a song on his guitar horribly. She quickly excuses herself, running to a nearby bathroom. In there, she runs into Riley and corrects her on her grammar, feeling intellectually superior to the pop star whose music she finds horrible (Celeste’s firm had been hired to handle her new image package).
Celeste and Scott have a trending meeting with Riley. It does not go well because mainly Celeste is smug. After the meeting, Scott suggests another date, with a man named Nick Muran he knows.
Jesse, Skillz, and Tucker hang out watching cheerleaders. Jesse is frightened by all the baby stuff he will have to buy and know about.
Celeste has her date with Nick (Matthew Del Negro), and it seems it is going well. They begin to make out until Celeste notices something. Nick is masturbating while they do so. Celeste is disgusted and leaves as Nick continues to jerk off without her.
Celeste gets a call from Jesse as she is walking. She ignores it.
Celeste and Jesse meet up at a vegan restaurant. Jesse says Veronica is not a citizen, and he needs to marry her to keep her in the country. So Celeste needs to sign the divorce papers. Celeste gets defensive saying she has been busy and hasn’t had time to make his life simpler. She leaves angry at some of his new quirks he got from being around Veronica.
Later, Celeste, Tucker, and Beth go to a costume party. Celeste sees Paul there, and they talk. Celeste talks about how Jesse screwed up a lot of things, and she was right. Paul asks if she wants to be right or be happy. They spend the night getting drunk.
Celeste goes through Jesse’s stuff and puts it together in a box. She leaves him a voicemail saying she is bringing it over. She drops it off then looks in his garbage. She sees a stroller box. Reality sets in. Jesse is moving on. In the middle of this, she drops a bracelet in the trash and has to reach in to grab it.
Jesse and Veronica are in the car driving home. Veronica tells Jesse he will be a good father. They drive up to see Celeste digging through the trash. Celeste explains what happened and that she was dropping off stuff and quickly leaves embarrassed.
Celeste buys pot from Skillz becoming depressed. Skillz tries to make a move and Celeste quickly shoots him down.
Celeste goes with Paul on a date to a massage parlor. He then takes her to a crazy bar, and they dance and Celeste kisses him.
At work, Riley is talking with Celeste. She calls Celeste out for needing to feel smarter than everyone around her.
Celeste and Jesse hang out at her house. Jesse admits he misses her still and they wind up kissing. Celeste says he should go, but Jesse asks to cuddle with her. They do.
Back at work, Scott reveals that a PR disaster is forming with Riley’s campaign. Celeste designed a logo that looks like a penis going into a butt. She laughs but it is no laughing matter; parents are becoming outraged.
Celeste meets Jesse at a bar. Celeste states for the record that she fucked up and took them for granted. She wants to know from Jesse that if there is any chance for them to try again. Jesse pauses for a moment then says he can’t do this and leaves the bar. Celeste follows him.
Jesse confronts her on being mad that he moved on first. He is trying to be responsible and be a father. Celeste asks why he couldn’t be that for her, but Jesse points out that he was never her equal, and she liked it that way. Celeste, in a moment of anger, says he will fail with Veronica too. Jesse is flabbergasted by her cruelty and tells her that she will always be alone. Celeste tells him to never to call again, and Jesse echoes the sentiment.
Skillz is over at Celeste’s smoking pot. Celeste gets really high, sad.
The next day at Beth’s bridal party, Celeste has a serious case of depression munchies. Beth realizes she is becoming a problem and pulls aside to keep her out of trouble. Celeste winds up passed out drunk on a pool float. Tucker notes that they better take “Nick Nolte” home.
Later, the hung over Celeste calls Riley and leaves a message but winds up insulting her without hanging up the phone. Riley calls and sets up a meeting with Celeste.
When Celeste shows up, she tries to apologize, but Riley shuts her down. Riley begins to cry, as she has discovered her boyfriend has been cheating on her. Riley breaks down in Celeste’s arms. “Now I’m going to be alone like you,” Riley sobs.
Riley and Celeste bond that night. Celeste sees the Beijing weightlifter and cries thinking of Jesse. Riley asks if it is about a guy and if Celeste misses him. Celeste says she does. Riley asks Celeste if it gets any better with men when you’re older. “No,” Celeste admits. “But you do.” Riley asks to hug Celeste again, and they do.
Celeste is heading out for Beth’s wedding. At the dry cleaner’s, she is about to be late for her flight. Practicing what she preaches, she asks everyone ahead of her if she can go ahead because of her obligation. Celeste travels to the wedding.
Celeste is at the reception and is called up to make a speech. After a stilted start, Celeste tells Beth and Tucker they are lucky, and they are perfect. She tells them to work hard, and respect their relationship. She tells them to be patient and that they always don’t have to be right. “Fight for it,” Celeste says tearing up, “I wish I had.” Jesse is in the audience and is touched by the speech.
Jesse goes up to Celeste later and thanks her for the speech realizing it was directed to him, as well. Celeste watches as the reception guest dance as she smokes and drinks alone.
Later, Riley and Celeste are hanging out at a gay club. Riley is oblivious to the fact. A few gay men talk to Celeste saying they consider Riley to be an idol. Celeste calls Scott the next day, saying they don’t need the teens anymore. If they get the gays, Riley can be the next Lady Gaga within a year.
Celeste hangs out with Paul more, playing scrabble.
Jesse is shown with Veronica at the doctor. He holds her hand.
Riley and Celeste are walking together when Rupert comes up and tells Celeste she never called. Celeste quickly introduces Riley to Rupert, and Riley admits she is a big fan of us. Celeste has apparently set them up and gotten Rupert off her back in the process.
Celeste goes to karaoke with Paul. However, she admits she times to handle her divorce by herself. Paul promises to wait until she is ready.
Celeste and Jesse go to the law office to sign the divorce papers. They make cute jokes at each other and laugh. Their lawyers are shocked by their good nature.
Celeste and Jesse go on a walk. Celeste asks Jesse if he love Veronica and he says yes. Celeste tells him to fight for it, and he deserves to be happy, that she wants him to be happy; Jesse says he wants the say for her. Jesse tells Celeste he loves her and kisses her one last time. Celeste says the same thing. Jesse then drives her home. Though they may never be together again as a couple, their love for each other is reaffirmed.
A little later, Celeste calls Paul, saying that she is ready…to beat him at scrabble. Celeste it seems, is taking baby steps to getting on with her life, and potentially in a new relationship with Paul.