movie trailer (apple.com - quicktime)
NOTE: This spoiler was sent in by gelpengirl1 who says... "This movie was wicked hilarious, I totally recommend it."
The movie opens with news reporter Bruce Nolan (Jim Carrey) interviewing a couple at their bakery. He is interviewing them about their conquest to make the largest cookie. As the young baker is picking his nose, the old woman baker says that they are baking the cookie to make people come again because someone previously found a rat pellet in a pastry. Bruce makes her change the answer, and they have to keep doing outakes (this is not a live segment, it is taped). After measuring the cookie and finding that it is the largest, everyone cheers and eats it.
Bruce says "Cue cheesy inspirational music!" and throws milk into kids' milk cups to that music that everyone does slow motion too. Then the segment ends with Bruce saying something along the lines of, "In a way, our town Buffalo is like a cookie. Mix everything together just right, add a couple of nuts, and you get a great combination with a soft center. And that's the way the cookie crumbles." This quote is important later.
It turns out that the people watching the tape are Bruce and his girlfriend, Grace (Jennifer Aniston). She praises him for it but he says he wants to do more serious work. Then she asks him to help her with their photo album and he says no. Then we are introduced to their dog's problem with going to the bathroom inside. Whenever it goes outside it stops.
Next Bruce drops Grace off at a blood drive and says that he would never give blood because they keep it in ice in a warehouse and say there is a shortage. Grace says she has a very rare blood type, AB Positive (important later!), so this is a good thing. Bruce asks her to wish him luck on getting a new job as anchor and she gives him a bracelet of prayer beads (another important thing!). Then he drives away.
He is already late for work when there is a traffic jam. He gets out of his car and sees a homeless man holding up a sign saying he is blind (another important thing, yet again). Bruce is late for the meeting. When he arrives his boss informs him that his cookie segment will not be used. Instead they will use the piece from his arch-rival, Evan Baxter (Steve Carell) who is also after the anchor job. Baxter begins to tease Bruce about his cookie segment and they start to fight. The boss says that he will not let anyone know about the anchor job until another time because he is not sure yet. Later in the hall we see Bruce talking to his boss about how he never gets to go live or do any serious pieces. Boss says that it's because Bruce is a goofy guy and funny to watch and that he can't be mean. Bruce knocks over his boss's sandwich to prove he can be mean, but then his Boss says, "Pick it up." and Bruce says "Yes sir." Boss tells him to hurry over to the Niagara falls area because Bruce will be going live at the Maid of the Mist boat anniversary. Bruce excitedly calls Grace at her work (a daycare center) and tells her about it. She wishes him luck and promises to watch.
Bruce gets to the Falls and meets who he will be interviewing, an elderly woman who was somehow related to the boat's origin. Bruce has to wear a silly umbrella hat but he says, "Nothing can ruin my day!" Oh yeah? At the beginning of the news session Bruce can hear the anchors talking in his earpiece so he knows when to go. He hears them announcing Baxter as their new anchorman. Baxter accepts the position and says "In a way, our town Buffalo is like a cookie. Mix everything together just right, add a couple of nuts, and you get a great combination with a soft center. And that's the way the cookie crumbles." This quote is important later." (remember?) Then the woman anchor says that is beautiful and wipes a tear from her eye. This upsets Bruce greatly because it was his quote and when it is his turn, he doesn't move or speak because he is so angry. Grace is watching on TV and is saying, "Please, honey, speak." He doesn't until a few seconds later when he says, "Why thank you Evan Backstabber, excuse me, Baxter." Then he proceeds to yell random things about why his life sucks and ends the transmission by saying "back to you fuc*ers". Which is probably one of the best lines of the movie. Cut to Bruce being thown out of the studio with his things.
When he is taking his office stuff to his car he sees some gangsters picking on the blind man. Bruce rushes over to help the man and the gangsters get mad. They spill Bruce's stuff, punch him, scratch HERO on the side of his car, and hit his car window. Bruce says, "This is what I get for helping someone?" When he gets home Grace tries to comfort him, but they get into a big fight and he goes for a drive. As Bruce is driving he says, "Why do you hate me lord? Send me a sign!" Then a car full of signs blocks his vision and he crashes into a pole. Bruce yells again and throws the prayer beads into the lake by the side of the road.
The next morning his pager starts beeping with a number. Even when Bruce kills the pager it still beeps with the number. So he calls it and it tells him to come to a certain address for a job. On his way into the building he steps into a knee deep puddle and gets all wet. He meets a janitor (Morgan Freeman) there and the janitor says, "Can you help me mop this floor?" and Bruce says he'll give him a rain check on the 7th at 7PM (important later). Janitor says, "I'll take you up on it." Then Bruce walks up to the 7th floor and sees the janitor is there again. He takes off his jumpsuit and reveals a white outfit underneath. The janitor shows Bruce a file cabinet with his life in it and tells him he is God. Bruce will not believe him, even when God tells Bruce he gets all the powers. He tells Bruce that if you don't like the way he runs things then he can give it a try,God then tells him that once he leaves the building he will be indowed with all of gods powers, and bruce leaves the building and uses his powers to do things like burst open a fire hydrant, lift up a lady's dress, and be Clint Eastwood. He goes into a diner and realizes he does have the powers as he parts his tomato soup like the Red Sea and slides stuff across the table. God suddenly appears at the table and says, "Having fun?" Then they are both standing on top of a lake.
God tells Bruce that he can't mess with free will. Then God picks up the prayer beads that are floating on the surface of the water, says he'll keep them, and disappears.
Bruce is in a very good mood now. The first thing he does is get back at the gangsters. One says, "The day I apologize will be the day a monkey comes out of my butt." Then Bruce makes a monkey come out of the guys' butt. They run away. Then, he gives Grace some flowers. Then he moves the moon closer to the house so that it will look bigger. He tells Grace they shouldn't waste it and they romance. The next morning Grace hears about a tsunami in Japan that left thousands homeless and may have been caused by unusual lunar activity.
Bruce goes to the park and sees some News Channel 5 reporters wrapping up a story on police dogs. They make fun of him about his Maid of the Mist mishap. He says he has a hunch that something bigger will happen. Then a dog sniffs up something in the ground and starts digging. Bruce gets his camera out quicker then the newspeople and films the dog digging up a missing gangster. As he is on air, he says and thats not all, fido here (the dog) also found 228 pounds of marijuana in the van of newscasters (the same ones that were making fun of him) The next day he goes to get his job back at his old place and they hire him. He becomes Mr. Exclusive.
Bruce uses his powers to spice up his stories. When he is interviewing a lady at a chili cook off, he make a meteor crash right by it and covers that story. Next Bruce makes Baxter mess up on air. He is fired and Bruce gets the anchor position. He takes Grace out to a fancy dinner and Grace thinks he is going to propose, but really he is telling her the good news. She is upset when he has to leave because he is hearing voices - really they are just prayers from the town. God says if he ignores them they will pile up on him. So Bruce wants a way to store the prayers. He thinks file cabinets but they take up the whole living room. Post-Its cover everything in the house. Then he thinks up Yaweh (Yahoo, Yeweh, get it?) and has the prayers in emails! There are over 5 million. He answers them but there are still over 3 million left. Then he pushes, "Yes" and Reply all so that is done.
But it's a bad idea. Everyone who prayed to win the lottery won, but divided they each only got $17. People are very mad. That comes up more later, but first there is a party for Bruce because he is the new anchor. He keeps calling Grace from the party asking her to come. His co anchor makes a move on him and starts to kiss him, and he starts to kiss her back. Grace does come to the party and she sees, and they break up. He goes to God for help and God tells him how he should help others before he helps himself. Then God says it is the 7th at 7PM so they mop the floor together. So Bruce goes out and helps other people. Bruce quits the anchor and gives it back to Baxter, because he knows Baxter should still have it.
Then Grace moves out. Her sister comes by to get her stuff and she sees Bruce finished the photo album Grace had been working on. Bruce goes to see Grace at her day care and he tries to get her to take him back, but she won't. He tries to make her love him but remembers he can't mess with free will.
Bruce looks through his emails and finds Grace prays a lot. He finds that she prays a lot for Bruce, too. He sees that she is praying at that time and is praying to God to help her get over him. Bruce is upset by this and goes outside in the rain. He tells God he's done and kneels down in the road saying that he can take away the powers. Then a truck comes and hits Bruce.
Then Bruce is suddenly dressed in white with God. Bruce asks if he is dead and God says that you can't kneel down on a highway and live to tell about it. God asks Bruce what he wants and then Bruce says he wants world peace and no more hunger. God asks Bruce what he REALLY wants and then Bruce says he wants Grace to be happy. God asks if that means that does he want Grace to have Bruce but Bruce says no it means that Grace should be happy and be with someone who will love her as much as he did. God says, "Now that's a prayer" and points his finger at Bruce and makes like a gun. Bruce says it hurts and God does it again. Then we see Bruce is on the highway and he is being shocked by ambulance people. They find a pulse and take him to the hospital.
At the hospital Bruce sees the blood bag by his bed says "AB Positive" (remember?) A voice says, "I thought they locked that stuff in a warehouse" and Bruce sees it is Grace. They hug and make up. Bruce opens his hand and sees that the prayer beads are in his hand. He looks up and says, "Showoff".
At the end we see they are engaged and Bruce is doing a report on the first annual Blood Drive festival thing. The bakery people from beginning baked a giant cake! Then the movie ends with a zoom in of the blind man (who was popping up all over in the movie) and we see his face turn into God's and God has been watching Bruce the whole time.
Note: this spoiler had a couple additions by aerodust and hhshusky2002.
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