A HAUNTED HOUSE

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NOTE: This spoiler was submitted by Jeremy.

We start with the Paranormal Activity-like text that says the following footage was obtained from the home of Malcolm Johnson in October 2012.

Malcolm (Marlon Wayans) is fumbling with his new camera. He tells the camera that his girlfriend Kisha is moving in, and he's excited. He also shows off his dog Shiloh and his maid, Rosa (Marlene Forte). Kisha (Essence Atkins) then pulls into the driveway, but Shiloh runs out. and she hits him with her car. Malcolm desperately tries to revive him, but he's dead, and they bury him in the backyard.

Quickly over that, the couple starts unpacking, since Kisha has a LOT of stuff with her. We also see that she and Rosa don't like each other.

That night, Kisha says she's gonna slip into something more comfortable, which Malcolm thinks means he's gonna get some, so he starts practicing on stuffed animals. She comes back in her PJ's, hair curlers, and facial cream, which disappoints Malcolm.

The "hauntings" begin that evening as the camera records the evening. The only really big thing that happens is Kisha farts in her sleep...a lot. It wakes Malcolm up, and he sprays aerosol everywhere.

The next morning, Kisha notices her keys are just lying on the floor and immediately suspects either supernatural activity or that Rosa is stealing their stuff.

Malcolm has two men ("Camera Guys") install security cameras in their home, but the main guy, Dan (David Koechner) makes Malcolm uncomfortable by suggesting he and Kisha are gonna make sex tapes, asking him if he can say the n-word, and then having a breakdown as he sort of reveals his wife cheated on him. After they leave, Malcolm uses the ceiling fan to make a rotating camera. As he and Kisha go out for the day, the rotating camera captures Rosa dropping her Spanish language, showing she speaks perfect English, and then holds a drug ring in the kitchen and having sex with the gardener.

Later, Malcolm and Kisha invite their friends Steve (Andrew Daly) and Jenny (Alanna Ubach) over to the pool. Steve makes several suggestions to Malcolm about having some kind of orgy, and Jenny talks about having girl-on-girl experiences with Kisha in college and mentions having a seance at one point (this is pretty much just a red herring and is never brought up again later).

That evening, Malcolm and Kisha try having sex, but Kisha doesn't want to do it with the camera on. Malcolm obscures the lens, and we see that their sex lasts barely 30 seconds.

Later that night, the ghost moves the bed and freaks Malcolm out. The next morning, he packs his stuff and tries to move out, but comes back when he realizes that he isn't gonna sell the house in this market.

To further investigate this activity, the couple brings in a psychic named Chip (Nick Swardson), who is not only unhelpful in determining what is happening with the ghost, but he also heavily comes onto Malcolm. By the end of it, Kisha reveals that she made a deal with a demon for a pair of shoes, and that's why this is happening.

The next morning, Malcolm asks Kisha how long this has been happening, and she says since she was a kid. They put on a birthday video of hers that showcases her drunk parents, and her ghost friend Tony, who throws the birthday cake at her dad's camera, at which point he begins whipping her with his belt.

During one week, the ghost seems to be having fun with Malcolm and Kisha. It smokes a joint with them, and even has sex with Kisha, which Malcolm finds upsetting since she enjoyed it more than sex with him. This gets worse when the ghost actually RAPES Malcolm in his sleep, which he unfortunately records and uploads to the internet. They even leave powder on the floor to capture footprints, and Malcolm tries to attack it with a baseball bat, only to see that he attacked Rosa, who quits.

Steve and Jenny come over and have some wine while also using a Ouija board. They taunt the ghost when it can't spell "ghost" on the board, and it flips the board across the room, scaring them away.

Malcolm calls his cousin Ray-Ray (Affion Crockett) and his group of thugs to handle their business, but they leave screaming like girls when the ghost drops all their furniture on top of them.

The couple argues over the sex thing, to which Kisha realizes only empowers the ghost since it feeds off negative energy. They act calm throughout the disturbances, even when it comes to crazy stuff like the cabinet doors flying open.

That evening, while Malcolm is listening to music on the computer, Kisha gets attacked by the ghost. She actually tries to fight back, but it pulls her down into the basement.

By the next day, it's obvious Kisha is possessed after she masturbates with a crucifix and digs the dead dog out of the yard and tries to walk it. That night, Malcolm calls an exorcist, Father Doug (Cedric The Entertainer). He checks Kisha out, and she is more freaky-looking now (this scene parodies The Devil Inside). After being unable to get through to her, he has Malcolm call the Camera Guys and Chip.

They all try to have Kisha exorcised, but all Doug seems to do is snort cocaine with Dan and quote Samuel L. Jackson lines. Kisha jumps all around and starts freaking everyone out, and she rushes out. Malcolm runs out to find her and checks in the garage (?), only to find Steve and Jenny throwing a "Mandingo party" (mentioned earlier by Steve) with Ray-Ray and his boys.

The guys go back inside the house to find Kisha. They see a figure walking around, and Doug takes out a gun and shoots it, but it turns out to be Rosa coming in to pick up her last paycheck. They go into the basement and find Kisha, who starts attacking them. They all decide to straight-up beat the shit out of Kisha until she calms down.

On the final night, Kisha seems to be back to normal. She and Malcolm prepare to have sex, but she remarks that the camera is on...which she totally doesn't mind. They do it, and it lasts for hours.

During the night, Kisha gets up once again. She walks downstairs and screams. Malcolm wakes up, annoyed, and goes to see her. A loud commotion is heard and Malcolm gets thrown at the camera, seemingly dead. Kisha, possessed again, goes over him, sniffing him, until he farts in her face. She growls at the camera and it ENDS.

...until Malcolm "wakes up" and laughs, taunting the ghost and saying he couldn't kill him. However, that's when Kisha reappears behind him and drags him into the hall.


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