THE BROTHERS GRIMSBY
NOTE: This spoiler was submitted by Jeremy
Nobby Butcher (Sacha Baron Cohen) and his wife Dawn (Rebel Wilson) are having passionate sex. Turns out they're in a mattress store testing out the product, to the disgust of one of the store's employees. They buy the mattress and take it home, where their children help them with taking it upstairs. Nobby and Dawn have about 11 children and one grandchild, living in the poor town of Grimsby, which is full of drunken degenerates and lowlives. Nobby has a whole room kept for his brother, whom he was separated from 28 years ago.
His brother, Sebastian Graves (Mark Strong), is MI6's top agent. He goes on a mission to catch a target, with Jodie (Isla Fisher) being his eyes and ears. Sebastian chases after the villains and kills them all until he reaches the final target. He poisons the man and orders him to tell what his team, Maelstrom, is planning. The villain says they are planning to release something big, and he mentions the name Rhonda George (Penelope Cruz), whom the agents know to be an actress and philanthropist. The villain dies before Sebastian can figure out the entire plan. The head of MI6 (Ian McShane) then tells Sebastian that Rhonda will be at a charity ball, and he must find her.
Nobby is in a pub watching a football game and getting drunk with practically the whole neighborhood. He gets crazy drunk and puts a firework up his ass, only to slip and get it stuck up there. He panics as it's about to blow, but a woman gets a fire extinguisher and thumps Nobby with it, allowing the firework to shoot out his ass before it blows up. One of Nobby's friends comes in and excitedly tells him that they finally found his brother, knowing he will be at a "posh event" and that this man's cousin nicked a ticket for Nobby, who is greatly excited to hear the news.
Nobby goes to the event, while Sebastian is keeping an eye out for a target. He observes a hitman, Pavel Lukashenko (Scott Adkins) triggering a camera with a gun to aim in Rhonda's direction. Rhonda goes up to present a Jewish-Palestinian boy with AIDS named Schlomo Khalidi (Yusuf Hofri) as part of her campaign to try and cure the world. As Sebastian prepares to shoot the camera, Nobby goes up the stairs to find him and give his brother a hug. This causes Sebastian's shot to hit Schlomo, with his blood flying into Daniel Radcliffe's mouth, giving him AIDS. The camera gun goes off and hits Javier Alvarez (Jorge de Juan), the World Health Organization leader. The other agents think Sebastian has gone rogue and begin shooting at him. Nobby is thrilled to see his brother, but Sebastian feels the opposite.
The brothers go on the run from authorities and other assassins. Sebastian jumps off a ledge, and Nobby follows suit, crushing Sebastian's ankle. They get in the latter's bulletproof car. Nobby tries to turn it on and accidentally launches a rocket that blows up an officer that was writing Sebastian a ticket. Nobby then rolls down the window to brag about being in a bulletproof car, giving the gunmen a chance to fire at them. The two drive away, only for Nobby to be distracted while driving because he's watching the game. The car flies off a bridge into the river. Sebastian pulls them out safely. When they get to a safe hiding spot, he injects his leg with a serum to readjust the bones in his leg. He then tells Nobby that he has to leave him again so he can hide. Not wanting to lose his brother again, Nobby decides the best thing to do is to bring him home.
At MI6, the head is pissed when he believes Sebastian has gone rogue. He orders an assassin named Chilcott (Sam Hazeldine) to go after Sebastian. Sebastian calls Jodie and proclaims his innocence. She warns him about Chilcott. He asks her to help him find the real assassin.
Nobby brings Sebastian home to meet his family, all of whom are delighted to finally meet him. The kids show Sebastian a wall of photos Nobby kept of Sebastian as a child. This triggers childhood memories in Sebastian of when the two were boys growing up in Grimsby. The two lost their parents when they were young and were brought to an orphanage. On the day they were set to be adopted, Nobby abandoned Sebastian on the train, leading Sebastian to resent his brother.
Nobby then takes Sebastian to the pub to meet all the locals. However, the townspeople, geniuses that they are, put up a banner to welcome "Grimsby's very own spy", tipping off Chilcott and his team of assassins. Sebastian spots them, so Nobby's kids create a diversion to stop the hitmen. The brothers run away, but Sebastian is hit with two poison darts. Nobby sucks the venom out of Sebastian's shoulder, but the other dart hit him in his balls. Sebastian orders Nobby to suck the venom out, which he reluctantly does for his brother. To make it easier, Sebastian has to teabag Nobby. He nearly dies, but Nobby saves his brother and sucks his balls. Nobby is elated until he gets pre-cum in his eye.
Sebastian sends Jodie a picture that Nobby took in which Lukashenko can be seen. After giving Sebastian the identity of Lukashenko, Jodie also informs him that the villain was doing a deal with a man named Joris Smit (Nick Boraine), and that he is in South Africa. Sebastian then invites Nobby to join him.
The brothers arrive in South Africa. Nobby immediately makes friends with a heroin dealer (Barkhad Abdi), who sells him a bit of the drug. Sebastian goes to inject himself with the bone serum for his ankle, only to accidentally take the heroin. Nobby must then assume his identity and go undercover. Jodie guides Nobby to seduce Smit's wife Lina (Annabelle Wallis), informing him that she's wearing a green dress and is gorgeous. Nobby ends up laying his eyes on a maid at the hotel named Banu (Gabourey Sidibe). Thinking it is HER that he has to seduce, Nobby makes his move.
Nobby clogs up the toilet in his room and calls for help. Lina shows up at his door, and he believes she is the help. She attempts to seduce him and talk about his penis, but he thinks she's talking about his turd. Banu enters, with Nobby still believing they are going to get it on. Nobby ends up eating her out until Lina sends Banu out. Lina tries seducing Nobby again until her husband shows up with two men to kill Nobby. Sebastian arrives and shoots them, having come out of his drug-induced state. They then ask Lina what her husband and Lukashenko were dealing with. Lina says they were handling a powerful weapon, but she is shot by Chilcott before she can give up anymore info. The assassin launches a rocket at the brothers' room, forcing them to jump out.
The brothers then hide from the hitmen inside an elephant's vagina. The hitmen lose track of them, but before the brothers can get out, a male elephant arrives and starts having sex with the female, leaving the brothers to get hit with its massive penis. They try to jerk it off so it can finish faster, which ends up with Sebastian getting a face full of elephant semen. Then another elephant shows up and starts hitting Nobby in the bum with his penis, sending another load their way.
The brothers take a long bath to wash off the mess. Sebastian then asks Nobby why he abandoned him as a child. Nobby recounts how he overheard the couple that was supposed to adopt the two of them discussing with the head of the orphanage that they only want to adopt one of the boys. Nobby then left Sebastian so that he could go on and have a proper life while he was stuck in Grimsby. Sebastian forgives Nobby.
Realizing that the villains plan to unleash their weapon at the upcoming football match, the brothers go to the arena in fan gear to make sure Sebastian is undetected. Unfortunately, Nobby's family and the idiots from the pub show up and start singing about Sebastian being an MI6 agent. A drone overhead gets a visual on Sebastian's face, forcing him to run. He tries to escape, only for a group of villains to capture him, just as Nobby shows up and watches him get taken away.
Sebastian wakes up chained. He is met by Rhonda, the mastermind behind Maelstrom's plot. Thinking she was going to detonate a bomb, Rhonda says she plans to launch a deadly virus called WorldCure into the arena to wipe out the surplus of scum on the planet, starting with Grimsby's residents.
Nobby gets a reading on Sebastian due to a tracker he accidentally shot into his neck earlier. He runs to the outside of the building he's in and encounters Lukashenko. The villain beats Nobby with his hands and feet, knocking him to the ground. Nobby's phone rings as he receives a call from Dawn. Lukashenko insults Dawn, angering Nobby. He grabs Lukashenko's gun and shoots the man in the head, which starts Nobby's love for shooting things. He easily shoots the other hitmen before reaching Sebastian.
The brothers head back to the arena to stop Rhonda. Nobby goes to the Grimsby residents and encourages them to storm the field to create a diversion, as he tells them they are being targeted. The people rush the field with the brothers leading them, but since they're all out of shape and drunk, they slow down quickly. Nobby and Sebastian reach the villains, while Chilcott is nearby and tries to kill Sebastian. Nobby's kids aid in the diversion once again, with them throwing Schlomo and his wheelchair onto Chilcott, causing him to fall over and be impaled on someone's helmet.
Nobby tries to catch up to Rhonda as she runs to to detonate the fireworks, one of which contains the virus in the tip. He attempts to shoot at her, but his gun jams. He realizes he must stop the firework himself. From his earpiece, Jodie tells Nobby which firework has the virus, and that it needs to go off in a contained area. Nobby decides to sit on the firework and let it go up his ass, but the firework next to him also has the virus. Sebastian shows up and follows Nobby's lead. The fireworks go off and launch the two in the air before they hit the ground again. Nobby's gun then goes off and hits Daniel Radcliffe, whose blood flies into the mouth of Donald Trump.
It is reported that Rhonda was arrested and that Nobby and Sebastian died after saving the world. It is also mentioned that Trump now has AIDS.
The brothers are really recovering in the hospital, albeit with massive damage to their anal cavities. Jodie shows up and gives them new identities. She then kisses Sebastian. Nobby's family arrives to join the brothers.
In the end, Nobby becomes part of Sebastian's spy team. They're on a boat, and Nobby goes around shooting all the gunmen he encounters. He reaches Sebastian at the top, who asks him if he's met the team. Nobby's face then says it all.
There's a quick text to remind viewers that neither Daniel Radcliffe nor Donald Trump were involved in this film and that neither of them are HIV positive.